Page 64 of I See Red

Ivy:Congrats on the engagement. I am so happy for you.

Hovering over the send button once again, I’m frozen and unable to press it.

My internal struggle builds, my rage cusping on the edge of my eyes as tears begin falling, making the screen harder and harder to see. My fog-covered soul scans the room, looking for something to give, a sign, an answer, when suddenly my spine is stiffened, and fear is all I exude.

“To send or not send, that is thy question, Ives”

Turning around slowly, aware of not what but who is waiting behind me before I even look. Lifting my head from the floor, following the direction of the sound, she sits in the corner in all her fucking glory, eating up every action of my downfall. Her perfectly curled blonde hair cascading down her strong cheekbones, a velvet red dress hugging her figure in all the right places. The ‘V’ neck allotting her breasts air while keeping them a secret all at the same time like she’s a doll plucked straight out of a fifties pin-up magazine. The tasseled lamp casts her silhouette on the wall behind her as she inhales a long drag from a cigarette, smoke pushing out over her meticulously drawn-onlipstick shade—Revenge Red. She’s just sitting and staring at me like I am a snack and she is fucking starving.

My lips suddenly go dry.I am so fucked.

“What are you doing here? I didn’t call for you,” I cautiously breathe out.

“Oh, Ivy, you’ve been screaming for me for months. Poor impressionable girl, look at the mess you have made,” she gloats, sitting there, stark and unphased.

What the fuck is happening? God, I really am off my rocker. If I’m now seeing my inner voice in the flesh in front of me, you need sleep and water. You need less, you.

“Mess?” I bite. “You truly think I did this? I was trying to be good; I was trying to be normal, fighting like hell Red to be fucking mundane and fucking happy and forget him, allow myself the chance for a normal fucking relationship.”

“A normal relationship, Ivy? Is that what you think you and Liam are? Normal? Look at what’s transpired with him as of late. You think his behavior has been normal? Nothing about that man is normal, and you fucking know it; you just avoid it, never fucking asking the questions you know you need to,” she shouts.

She has a point, but fuck I was trying my hardest to love someone and love them without having to know every corner of who and why. I truly didn’t want to intertwine myself in this triangle any longer, to let go, and I was doing better than I expected until, well, until today. Well, the other morning, at breakfast. Okay, maybe I wasn’t, but it was better to some degree, right? It’s not like I created this mess, or maybe I did by cutting off my relations with Tayden the way I did or even indulging in a relationship with a man I know nothing about like Liam.Maybethis is all my fault for never accepting myself for face value and not telling Tayden my truest of feelings all those years. I loved him, but Red was fixated on him in ways I never was. I’m bonded—she’s obsessed

“Look at you, look around you, you’re up here hiding in a room like you haven’t built one of the biggest real estate brokerages in the fucking world, like you didn’t survive childhood torture, rape, molestation, and emotional reckoning, weak like a fucking helpless little bird whose wings are clipped. It’s like you no longer know how to fly, curled up, waiting for someone to fix you, for love to fix you instead of facing it like I have tried to make you do for all these years. I’m disappointed in you, young grasshopper; you have still yet to learn the true route to your happiness,” she snarls.

My face turns sheet white, and I’m confused by this conversation until I snap.

“Weak? You aren’t even me; you are a version I created in my head years ago as a terrified nine-year-old girl to help me and protect me, yet all you did was ruin me and deepen the hole that was dug for me at birth, being careless and reckless all these years, constantly deterring me every time I try to find peace. Starting things back up with Tayden when you knew damn well where it would lead, leading me astray from everything I wanted to be and being everything I can never be, but no, you don’t think about that Red. Because you are a selfish fucking bitch, and that’s why I fucking ended you. That’s why I killed you and erased you from my mind. No more, no less.”

A smile swarms her face as she rises from the seat with ease. A chuckle escapes her as she glides face-to-face with me. Suddenly, I feel a warm touch on my wrist, my body feels like it’s on fire as panic sets in. Turning to the mirror hanging sideways on the wall. Her words become mine as I look on, my lips moving.

“Oh, Ivy. I was never the version that you created. I have always been the truest form of you. You, my darling, are the version you needed to hold onto to feel good about who you truly are deep inside: angry, selfish, weak, tortured, scared of yourown voice, yet bulletproof. I’ll give you that. You are the victim in our story, and I am the survivor, not the other way around. You victimize yourself every day by not letting go and living in this dark, pathetic world you call comfort over a fucking dead man. In fact, you always speak of your inner child like I am her, but I am not. You always have been the poor, hurt little child fighting to be who you could have been if life were different. While I, well… I am the future you, and it is you that has been holding me back, not the other way around. News flash, you can’t go back, you can’t undo what has been, you can’t peace it away, or fuck it away,although, I do enjoy those attempts so very much. So, hear me very, very clearly when I say this. From here on out, I am driving this fucking insane asylum, and if you don’t behave, I will end you. You thought you could kill me, but you didn’t because I am you. I am the woman that emerged from your ashes. I am never-ending and always living, and if you don’t fall into place while I clean this mess up, then I will erase you entirely and this little housewife role you have so desperately wanted to play with Liam, living a ‘mundane life’ as you call it, will be a thought of the past, at least for you. I, on the other hand, have grown very fond of him, and without you, I can finally sink my claws into what I know he’s been hiding all this time. Now, sit the fuck back and let the boss do what she does best, little girl.Clean up your fucking mess.”

Looking at myself, I watch as she takes over. First my words and now my emotions. It is terrifying, yet exactly how the phoenix rises. Within seconds, the fear slowly fades as, once again, I feel myself falling to the back until all I see is her without a speckle of myself.The mirror in my forefront, my fingers brush through my hair, trailing down my clothes, adjusting them, the deranged smell that illuminates my body as they shift, vile. A deep breath leaves my chest.

“Checkmate, bitch.”

Walking over to the door, I turn the handle, exiting this sad, pathetic display of human control left all over this room, my skin begging for a shower, and my body needing this new Liam’s touch.It’s time I plan for my next move, and it will be fucking epic. Heading down the hallway towards our master bathroom, I step into the shower, relinquishing myself from the threads that hide my sexually explorable and divine body. Stepping under the water, I wash off all that Ivy was: weak, broken, scared, lonely, needy, and hopeful from my beautifully toned body as I re-absorb all that I am with every drop of water that trails down me.

Feeling refreshed, I head to my side of the closet, searching through all that is Red and flawless.Which piece shall I wear today?My fingers trace across the clothes before me, taking me back to Maine, back home, back tohimthe day we first made lovebefore settling on a comfy red jumpsuit. Turning to my right, I scan my shoes, pulling a pair of red rhinestone sneakers from their respective cubby. Eager to see Liam, as it has been far too long since that bitch held me hostage in her fairy flower garden veil these past few months, I race down to meet him. He’s just where I expected him to be; down in the basement, standing at the bar as I turn the corner, pouring himself his favorite,my favorite.I guess one could sayourfavorite—a bourbon on the rocks. Strutting in, I exclaim, “Pour me one, hot rod?” His face finds mine, a smile taking over as he pulls out a second glass, pouring it, staring into me like he’s been waiting and is so fucking pleased to see me. Grabbing one of his fancy spherical ice cubes, he drops it in, and my tongue glides out of my mouth across my red-stained lips in excitement for a real drink with a real man. Even if he hasn’t learned to fully love me yet, he will, for it is all part of my plan, and I am ready to stand in the winner’s circle and claim my prize. Liam shoves the glass across the bar. It roars across the wood before landing fiercely in my palm, my fingers wrapping it, ignoring its cold touch.Seductively, I bring it to my lips, taking a swig before setting it back down, releasing an “Ahhhh” from my lips.

We stand there, eye fucking each other. I wonder what he is thinking at this exact moment, but I’m too caught up in my own sinful ideas to engage just yet. Not letting the moment pass sooner than it should. Taking a deep breath, my words dance across my lips, “I have my monthly Facetime call to make,thenI was thinking you could take me for a spin on that pool table. Better yet, show me what’s behind door number one. Oh, how I’ve been itching to know, and I could use that special Liam release I’ve heard so much about,” I taunt, raising my glass up at him and shooting him a wink.

“Yeah, I think I can arrange that,” he boasts. I’m certain his cock is growing hot and flustered right this moment at the mere idea.

“Perfect, give me like an hour, and it’s a date,” I snicker. Turning towalk out of the bar down the hall, my bourbon in hand. I begin skipping as I sing, “Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams, just go ahead let your hair down, you’re gonna find yourself somewhere somehow.” Pausing for a second, I hear Liam’s strong voice call out to me, “I’m going to fuck the shit out of you, Red.” I wish I was shocked, but that would mean I’m naive to his secrets, which I am not. I don’t know them, but I plan to fuck them out of him until he spills every last drop.Clue number one: he just called you Red.Leaning around the bottom of the stairwell, I toss him a smile.

“I’m fucking betting on it,” I entertain him before going right back into song.

“Girl put your records on, sing me your favorite song, you go ahead let your hair down.” Dancing up the stairs, step for step as the lyrics rumble from my lungs.

That’s the first time we’ve ever talked to Liam from a Red perspective with no Ivy to be seen. It’s the first time he everacknowledged my existence,noted.How does he know me? Well, that is for another day because right now I need to make my next move,ruin a wedding.Then I need to get fucked like he has never fucked me before. I’ve been dying to sink my teeth into this newly reformed Liam as me and not her.Fucck, it feels good to be back.Let the chaos commence.Goodnight, Ivy. Sleep tight, don’t let the monsters bite, bitch.

Back in the study I just left an hour ago, I hover the mouse over Facetime. Opening it, I begin the call.

“Sorry I didn’t answer yesterday. I was rather preoccupied.”

“That’s okay. So, how has life been since our last call? Anything new to catch me up to speed on?”

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