Page 9 of I See Red

Fuck he’s so hard to say no to.

Vibrations swarm my body as I hang on the cliff of every word that leaves his lips, telling me to absolutely not walk out of this event with him. It feels like someone is holding my entire body over hot coals, and the snow is the only remedy to my wounds. I can’t fight it anymore.

“Now you’re just teasing me, Mr. Bergess, but I’ll bite,for now. I’ll give you,say, two hours as long as you ensure me your threats are also backhanded promises.”

I know better than to set a boundary like this; however, for research purposes, I love to test myself, knowing damn well I will fail. I really need to stop doing this to myself, but knowing I can have any man I want, truly is a devil’s game. My yearning for the complete separation after the fuck is a desire I can’t control, but he’s not them. He’s different. Maybe I love the pain the next morning brings when the sun rises and last night’s promises aren’t in the morning’s reality, or I simply love chasing a ghost. Possibly the torture of it all turns me on, or maybe I’m truly just a delusional human with no self-control.

Reaching over the table, brushing his hand over mine. The pit in my stomach makes me think he’s going to grab it, but he doesn’t. Continuing past it, grabbing my dirty martini, he sways it in front of me, leaning into my ear gently whispering, “Since we only have a few hours, I think you may want to finish this one first. I’d hate for you to be thirsty later, little flame, left with nothing but me to feed you.”

Fuck this is a disaster in the best and worst possible way.

I throw back the remainder of my martini. Reaching for my phone, I unlock it before shooting off a message.

Me:Antonio, I’m ready. Bring the car around to the back please.

Antonio:I am headed your way, just you?

Me:Sometimes your knowledge is insulting. Yeah, no, Mr. Bergess is in town.

Antonio:See you soon, boss.

Me:Thanks, Antonio, and as usual, full discretion please. It’s why you make the big bucks.

Antonio:10-4 as always, boss. That NDA helps a lot, too.

Me:Walking out now, any papp?

Antonio:All clear, boss.

Not taking chances, Tayden pulls off his jacket, swinging it up and over us both before we exit through the back. Love speaks to me from his chocolate eyes as he stares into mine, and in this singular moment, we are both on a quest to conquer what has never been. The last thing either of us need is a public scandal, especially when it would harm more than just our reputations. Darting to the door, the scent of leather and vanilla fills my nostrils, and I suddenly feel unease being this close to him. Memories of our years together and our years apart flip through my mind like a rolodex. Thoughts of the last time we were physically together start coming to the forefront; the beautiful Porsche he drove, the hotel room, his scent, and the disappointment. Hurriedly, I push it all to the back, for tonight we are kids. Fiercely, we dive through the door Antonio holds open for us headfirst like a grenade just erupted behind us. Our laughs echo through the empty shell of the limousine, his hand brushing the skin creeping through the slit in my dress, pulling me out of my trance, his body securely on top of mine. Mybreaths become heavier, my consciousness fighting to still them. My resistance is growing weaker as his exhales dance across my lips, our breaths now equal and on beat. Warmth begins to fill my veins, tingles strumming across my skin, my heartbeat pooling between my thighs once again. I know I should resist, clear my throat, do something, but I can’t. I don’t want to. I’m a statue beneath him, with a savage pulse and a half-empty heart waiting to be refilled. His hand brushes underneath my neck, gently directing my chin up, forcing my eyes to meet his. Our darkened souls stare deep into one another’s. His eyes are as beautiful as they ever were, his naturally tanned skin glowing even in his older age. His stubble brushes against my face, moving it back and forth, enthralled in me, taunting me. Our skin, touching just enough to feel the universal pull we have on each other, fully igniting us both.

“God, I have fucking missed you,” desperation on his tongue.

Pulling his head back just enough to have all of me in his view, I see the pain in his expression, the hurt it causes him to have me this close yet so far. I recognize it because it is all I feel in this moment with all I am. My lips part as I try to find words, but for once, I have none to speak, nothing but silence on my tongue. His fingers make their way through my hair, caressing me, the cold of all he is upon me. One touch is all it takes for me to let go of all my inhibitions, all my plans, my commitments, and that promise—the pact. My body going feral as my mind slips away into all we were, all we should have been and the dream of what we could be if life would have played out differently are the strings controlling me now. Reaching my lips within inches of his, my words begin to fall. “I-” but before I can form a sentence, his lips crash into mine, ravaging, his tongue between them now dancing with mine. His fingers tighten around my hair, and I am sucked through a wormhole, and I don’t want to find my way out. My breaths merging intosoft moans, my hands grasping the back of his head as we both force our mouths onto one another as if on a quest for all that time has taken from us, all that my best friend took from us. Ivy’s feelings dive into my consciousness, the promise we both made to each other to never cross this line with him causing me to cease completely.I can’t betray her.

“We can’t,” I object through my lips into his mouth, but he doesn’t stop, yet his hold becomes stronger from my words as if the motto of our entire relationship, ‘we can’t’,lights a fire in him, causing him to dive deeper into my flesh, jolting me into the most passionate kiss he and I have ever shared. His hands begin exploring my entire body, his touch cooling my flushed skin, and I never want to be away from him again. Ice now moving up my waist, brushing across each of my ribs slowly as if making sure to touch each one along the way.

The fucking restraint on this man.I think to myself just before his hand crosses the top of my tits, aggressively exposing one. His lips descend, leaving my mouth unfilled with only moans escaping. His tongue circles my hard nipple before sucking it all in, releasing it little by little while his tongue sucks against my skin, causing them to shake with each stroke of his mouth. My hands ravingly grip his hair into my fist, digging into his scalp, my back curling, causing my pussy to thrust up against him. The feel of his hardened cock drawing urgent whimpers from my lips, my greed craving to be fulfilled by him right here and now in this moment, years of tension being released and only communicated between our bodies.

Ivy seeps into my psyche again, and the betrayal she will feel if I cross this line. Forcefully, I push my hands into his chest, forcing him to stop.

“We can’t, Tayden,” I snap at him, using my legs to push myself up and out from under him. Collecting myself, I straighten my dress, placing my tits back into their place, nowhidden by my red lace bra slipping through my neckline. Of all the times for me to have a conscience, it had to be in this moment. Jesus fucking Christ, it’s so hard being good. All I want to do is everything that is wrong, yet everything that is right, that’s owed to me, owed to us, to both of us. I can’t even look at him as I straighten my hair, brushing through it with my fingers, detangling the knots. I fight the burn in my eyes, my body still floating in vanilla and leather. Clearing his throat, he turns to me, pushing my hair from my face, his fingers wrapping around the nape of my neck. Sucking in a hiss as his lips leave a soft, tender kiss on my collarbone.

“How about that drink?” He questions, a smile protruding on his face, not fighting my objections, just accepting them. For acceptance of ‘we can’t’ is the lesson time has drilled into us, a word we both loathe, yet live by each day.

“Yeah, a drink.” Lifting myself up, I make my way towards the window, my knuckles knocking on the glass. Antonio rolls down the only thing separating him from us.

“Where to, boss?”

“The rooftop.” Coming back to my seat, I snuggle up under Tayden’s shoulder. His hand running up and down my arm, the cold reminder on my skin as my finger glides across his palm, tracing the lines, and all that’s left to be said remains in our heads. Just two tortured souls trapped by our unspoken thoughts. Unspoken desires. Unspoken truths. Trapped by a promise made all those years ago between friends and lovers.

“To be kids again for a moment—for a day.”

—Ivy

It’s been a rough weekend. I’ve spent most of it hiding in my oversized loft apartment, wallowing in my feelings, and drinking expensive wine since T’s arrival. I was supposed to go home to Liam this weekend, but instead, I keep hitting the fuck you button on his calls, Olives too. I know they are probably in cahoots wondering if the other has heard from me. They always are. I’m afraid to talk to him until I am stronger. I try to avoid him seeing me this broken and weak as much as possible. Being together all these years, though, I’d be lying if I said he hadn’t. Liam is such a gentle and understanding man, too gentle at times if I’m being truthful with myself. It’s part of our problem, my disconnect from him. Growing up the way I did, I wasn’t wired to find patience and kindness attractive, nor being broken okay. My past relationship roster proves that. My continuous conversations with T throughout our entire relationship has certainly played a part in our rift as well. How can one fully give themselves to someone when they are constantly living in fairytale land with another? I am not proud of it. But this secret, this part of my past, these emotions T brings out of me, I am not ready to explain, for I can’t even understand them myself. If I could handle them, we would have found resolve by now, but we haven’t, and his sudden appearance at the Gala Friday has made my emotions more intense than they have ever been. Liam is my mystery I have yet to fully figure out. On one hand, I live for it; on the other, he terrifies me. The unknownnowthat’s something my childhood made me find comfort in. It’s what binds me to him. All the while, I feel like he has always understood me to my core, eerie at times, a sense of home in others. T’s been trying to reach out to me, relentless in hisapproach. After his and Red’s actions the night of the event, shefullyfilled me in on, with no reserve over coffee the morning after, makes it harder to answer that call. I know they didn’t hook up per our pact all those years ago, but still, it complicates things. I just have no desire to speak to him until I can find some clarity. My soul is on fire, my gut in mourning for seeing him, reminded me of everything we are and never will be, which hits harder in person compared to our exclusive text conversations all this time. Our years, our history, a reminder of my childhood and the clouds that stormed through it. His presence sets my mind ablaze. For the first time in a very long time, my past is resurfacing in my present, and it’s terrifying. If I just ignore them all, if I just allow myself to break, then I can build myself back up again and harden my heart a little. Until then, I prefer to just hide in the darkness. That is me, a woman comfortable in the dark. My phone buzzes again, pulling my arm out from under the hand-knotted wool blanket that shelters me. I hold it up to my face in a sad attempt to unlock it.

* face not recognized*No fucking shit.

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