Page 107 of Double Fault

“Yeah, that’s pretty fucking obvious.”

The vitriol in his tone throws me off. Fisher rarely gets pissed. He’s possibly the most easy-going guy on the planet.

“What were you thinking about?”

“Too many things,” I answer, and it’s the truth.

It’s as if every worry that’s ever scuttled through my brain circled back around and ganged up on me.

“Give me one,” he growls.

Pierce, my third coach, enters the room. “What the hell, Noah? You’re not one to lose your shit like that.”

“I know,” I bite out, my voice raising.

Fisher grabs my shoulder, bringing my attention squarely back to him. “Give me one,” he repeats. “And if it’s good enough, I’ll leave you alone.”

Hands on my hips, I tilt my chin and look at the ceiling. For a moment, I focus on my breathing. Then, with a slow, careful exhale, I say, “What if I’m not cut out to do this? What if I can’t be a good tennis playeranda good dad?”

“What makes you think that?” he counters, brows pinched. “Things have been going well this season. You can’t win everything.”

“I know!” I rough a hand through my hair. “I know,” I say again, softer this time. “But I… this life is hard. What if it’s too much for her without her mom?”

Sighing, he rubs at his jaw. “It makes sense now.”

Terese nods, stepping away from the wall. “You took a decent amount of time off. Growing pains are inevitable with a return like this, and you’re still dealing with a life-altering loss.”

I scoff. Life-altering is an understatement. Fuck. My wifedied.

“But,” she continues, her tone firm, “you’re too talented to stop.” Arms crossed, she lifts her chin. “I understand the importance of family and the pain you’ve been through, but if you let yourself fall apart like this, it’ll be one of the biggestregrets of your life. We’re going to set you up with a therapist and?—”

I shake my head. “Abso-fucking-lutely not. I don’t need to talk to some whack job who thinks lying on a couch and blubbering like an idiot will fix me. I don’t need fixing. I’mfine. I lost myself this time, but I’ll pull it together.”

I have to.

Fisher crosses his arms over his chest and shakes his head slowly. “Terese is right. You need to talk to someone.”

My gut sinks. If Fisher is on her side, then I really am screwed.

“I’m fine,” I say again, though my tone isn’t quite so resolute this time.

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “But you could be better.”

Those words are like a slap to the face.

I’m still frozen, frowning at my team, when they give me sympathetic glances and leave.

It takes me a full minute before I can find it in myself to move and another five before I find the motivation to shower and change.

When I step outside and find Sabrina and Maddie waiting for me, it’s like another kick to the gut.

Apparently I’m closer to breaking than I thought I was.

“Daddy!” Maddie darts for me, dark hair flying.

I crouch and catch her when she leaps at me. Straightening, I hold her close and soak in the moment. It breaks my heart to think that one day soon she’ll be too grown to be held like this. That one day she won’t need me.

“I’m sorry you lost.” She presses a sticker to my shirt. I don’t even bother looking at it. “You’ll get them next time.”

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