Page 153 of Double Fault

“Oh. To visit her friend?” She looks my way. “When will you be back?”

“No, baby,” Noah says, pulling her attention back to him. “She has a job interview that sounds promising. She won’t be coming back.”

Her face falls, and those hazel eyes swim with hurt. “But you teach me. Why do you need to teach other kids?”

Noah clears his throat. God, I’m grateful he has enough composure to lead this conversation. I’m pretty sure the second I open my mouth, a sob will come out. I’m not typically an overly emotional person. From a young age, I had no one to rely on but myself, and I learned how to keep a level head. But Noah’s effortlessly woven his way into being the person I can trust whole-heartedly.

“Sabrina’s always wanted to be a teacher in a classroom. She can’t do that here, sweetie.”

Her watery eyes meet mine.

Oh, fuck.

I hate this.

Lip trembling, she wrings her hands. “I don’t want you to go.”

I drop to my knees and open my arms, and without hesitation, she throws herself at me and buries her face in my chest. As she cries, I wrap my arms tightly around her and finally let my own tears fall.

“It’s not forever,” I tell her.

At least, I don’t think it is. I don’twantit to be.

“It’s not?” She pulls away and peers up at me through wet lashes.

“Nothing’s going to stop me from seeing you.”

I mean it too. Even if Noah and I decide we can’t do long-distance, I’ll FaceTime Maddie every single day if I can and I’ll see her in person as often as possible.

“Why can’t you stay, though? Aren’t we good enough for you?”

I lower my head so she can’t see the complete and utter devastation that washes over me. So often, when I was a child, I wondered the same thing. I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t good enough for my parents or why they couldn’t just love me instead of constantly arguing and finding fault in everything I did.

“You are,” I tell her. “You’re more than enough.”

“Please, stay,” she begs, clinging to me, her tears dampening my shirt. “I’ll do anything.”

Tears pour from me like a fountain. I hate this so much even if the reasons for doing it are valid. “I wouldn’t go if I didn’t have to.”

She buries her head in my shoulder. I hold her while she cries, trying my best to get my own emotions under control.

Over her shoulder, Noah’s face is etched in devastation. Beside him, Fisher rubs his chin and mouths, “You guys are idiots.”

Probably, but I need to do this, and Noah needs me to as well.

He hasn’t come out and said it, but he worries that our proximity is what’s made us fall so hard.

I, on the other hand, know that no matter where I am in this world, I’ll always be drawn to him. Noah Baker, grumpy asshole extraordinaire, is my own personal sunshine.

“When do you leave?” Maddie releases me, and with a sniff, she darts to Noah.

The separation that’s already settling in makes my stomach turn.

“Tomorrow,” I answer.

When I woke up, Noah had already booked the flight. I felt both hurt and grateful. My fear of abandonment tells me he did it so he could be sure he could really get rid of me. My logical side knows he did it because if we waited, there’s a good chance we’d chicken out.

I have to explore this path so I can know with certainty what I truly want my future to look like.

---