Page 159 of Double Fault

I give myself a couple of minutes to rest before I get up and put my stuff away. I don’t want to, but if I leave things in my suitcase, I worry it’ll feel like I’m leaving any minute to go back when I’m not.

After everything’s put away and the suitcase is shoved under the bed, I hop in the shower to wash the travel day off my skin.

Ensconced in the small space and beneath the spray, I let the tears fall freely.

I miss him and Maddie. I miss Ebba, too, and even Fisher.

“It’ll be okay,” I say aloud. “This is what you always wanted.”

But is it really? Or is it what I used to want? Because suddenly it doesn’t feel at all like the dream I once had for myself.

I have to give it a chance. My heart is breaking. That’s where the uncertainty is coming from.

Clean and in fresh pajamas, I settle in the center of the bed with my computer. The first email to pop up is from Noah.

Subject: Did you turn your fucking phone off?

Sabrina,

WTF?

—Noah

PS Please check in.

I scroll through the rest of the new messages in my inbox, finding one from Jessica asking if we can meet this Friday. I reply, letting her know I’m back in the area and that Friday will be great.

Then I reply to Noah.

Subject: Yes, I fucking did.

Noah,

I’m at Lucy and Alyssa’s. I’m fine. Don’t worry. I just need a little space. I’m going to try to sleep. Tell Maddie I love her, please? And tell her I’ll talk to her soon.

—Sabrina

I close my laptop and set it on the nightstand.

Fuck.

Why does this have to be so hard?

The next morning, when I stumble downstairs in search of coffee, Lucy is already dressed for work.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” she says. “How are you feeling?”

“Moderately more human.”

“Good.” She picks up a package from the kitchen table I hadn’t noticed and holds it out. “This was delivered this morning.”

Brows furrowed, I inspect the box, noting my name and Lucy’s address. “I didn’t order anything.”

She shrugs. “Open it. I’ve gotta go, but Alyssa is working from home if you need anything.”

Though I’m still not convinced the package is mine, I use a kitchen knife to open it. My name is on the outside, after all.

Inside, I find all my favorite hair care products. I left mine behind since they were full-size bottles and I took a commercial flight. But here they are, brand new bottles of all the things I love.

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