Page 168 of Double Fault

“Yes,” I answer with a quiet laugh. “More than I ever have. I’ve seen places I’ve only dreamed of, and it’s given me valuable insight I couldn’t have gotten otherwise.”

“How so?”

When the server sets our waters in front of us, we both murmur our thanks.

“Well,” I say. “I would’ve never experienced so many cultures. Maddie and I always had a lot of time to explore.”

“When you say her name, your expression goes all soft. You must be very fond of her.”

My heart aches. I miss her so much, but her nonstop text messages help. “Yes. She’s wonderful.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you leaving? It sounds like a great position. You get to see the world and you’re still teaching, even if it’s not in a classroom setting.”

Swallowing thickly, I battle with myself over how honest I should be. “It’s complicated.”

She waves her hand through the air like she’s swatting a fly. “I have time.”

With a sharp inhale, I clasp my hands in my lap. “I, um, honestly? I fell in love with her father.”

“Ah.” She nods, lips pursed. “I see.”

“Oh.” I jolt, realizing how my admission could be interpreted. “He’s single. It’s not like that.”

She laughs and breathes a sigh of relief. “Okay, so maybe not so complicated. What’s the problem, exactly?”

I lick my lips while I consider my words. In the end, I decide to lay it all out there.

“He supports my aspirations, and when he saw the job offer, he urged me to take it. He doesn’t want me to miss out on my dream while he’s living his.”

Head tilted, she smiles. “It’s admirable that he doesn’t want to hold you back, but I notice you said he wanted you to take the job. What about you? Are you really interested in this position? If not, I promise you won’t hurt my feelings.”

“No, no.” I lurch forward, hands splayed on the table. “That’s not it at all. This is exactly what I’ve been waiting for…”

She gives a small, soft smile. “But?” she prompts.

“I don’t know how to explain it. I… I want to be with them, but I also want to teach. Yes, I’ve been teaching Maddie, but it’s different. I want to really teach.”

Jessica takes a sip of water. “I have a few thoughts if you’re willing to listen.”

My chest pinches in response to her kindness. “Of course.”

Once we’ve ordered our meals, Jessica dives in. “You don’t seem thrilled about this job.”

I open my mouth to protest, to explain that I am excited but that I’m still sad over leaving them.

Before I can, she holds up a hand. “Love is an amazing, wonderful thing, but no one should lose themselves or stop pursuing their dreams because of it, so I commend…”

“Noah.”

“Noah.” She smiles. “I commend him for loving you enough to encourage you to take the job. That was very selfless of him.”

I duck my head, willing my tears not to fall. I don’t know this woman well enough to cry in front of her.

“But,” she says, tapping the table, “you don’t have to do this. You can still teach in other capacities. Have you thought about being an online educator?”

“No,” I say, a little stunned. It never occurred to me that it was an option. “How would that work?”

“There’s a growing need for virtual teachers, whether it’s teaching in an online classroom or tutoring. I have some connections and I’d be happy to reach out on your behalf if it’s something you think you’d be interested in.”

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