Page 172 of Double Fault

“He’s not playing well.” I bring my fingers to my mouth, my attention fixed on the television mounted above the fireplace, and bite down on my nails. “He looks stressed.”

On the screen, Noah adjusts his hat, squinting against the sun. This match isn’t being aired on regular TV in the US, so I downloaded the network app and started a seven-day free trial so I could watch.

We haven’t had much time to speak. He’s been busy training, and I’ve spent every waking hour trying to figure out whatIwant.

Noah bounces the ball against the court, preparing to serve.

“He looks hot, though.”

Lucy laughs, causing her bowl to tip and several kernels to fall onto the couch cushion. “Never ever did I think I’d see the day where you’re openly lusting after a man on TV.”

“You have to admit it: my man looks good.”

He serves, and the ball is no good.

“Double fault,” the umpire calls.

“Ugh.” I hide my face behind my hands again. My stomach is churning. I’ll never recover from the guilt if Noah is out of the Olympics this early because of me.

I suppose it’s a bit egotistical to take credit for how well he plays, but I can’t help but feel like he’s as off as I am since I left.

Jessica gave me a week to mull things over before she reached out, and when we spoke, I told her that while I was grateful for the job offer, I couldn’t take it. We talked for a while longer, and she promised to check in again with more information about remote positions.

It’s funny how my dreams have morphed and changed. Teaching in a classroom here in Texas while Noah and Maddie travel? I know already that I would be miserable. Kids need a teacher who is present, who wants to be there, even when it’s hard, and in this phase of life, I know I wouldn’t be able to give it my all.

“He looks pissed.” Lucy pops a handful of popcorn into her mouth. I can’t help but suppress a laugh at the way her feet do a happy little wiggle. “What’s a double fault?”

“It’s when the server makes consecutive faults, and their opponent gets the point.”

“That’s a bummer. Do you guys want any of this?” She holds the bowl out in our direction.

“I’m good.”

“I don’t want any,” Alyssa says as she pushes off the couch. “But I do want a drink. Either of you want something?”

“Ooh.” Lucy nearly drops the popcorn bowl in her excitement. “I got some of those little crunch chocolate things when I was out. Bring me those.”

“You got it. How about you, Sabrina?”

“A bottle of water would be great.”

I’m so stressed over this game that my mouth feels like a desert.

After Alyssa disappears, Lucy pokes me with her foot. “He’ll pull through and win.”

My stomach twists itself into a knot. I’m not so sure. Rather than five sets, they’re playing best of three. He’s already lost the first set, and he’s struggling severely through the second. It’s going to make me physically sick if he doesn’t win.

The camera pans to the crowd and my heart jolts painfully when I see Maddie sitting with Ebba, Fisher, and even Elias.

I miss her so much.

I’m so thankful for her endless text messages. Each one brings a smile to my face, no matter how random they are. Like this morning when she sent me a picture of a bowl of lemons.

“Do you think you’ll take the online teaching position?” Lucy asks.

“You should,” Alyssa chimes in, holding out a bottle of water to me.

“There’s no job offer yet. You know that. Jessica’s just going to see what she can find out.”

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