Page 38 of Double Fault

“Do you think you have a good chance of winning?” Hailey asks. “You’ve won this event three times in the past.”

I repeat her question in my head, trying to muddle through the fog that’s threatening to overtake me. I’ve never had a panic attack before, but if the way spots dance in my vision is any indication, I’m on the verge of one.

I should’ve fucking practiced for these too.

“I’d love to win again,” I choke out. There’s no sense in lying. It’s why we’re all here, after all. “But we’ll see what’s in the cards for me.”

My answer will suffice, though my words are clipped and there doesn’t seem to be any fixing that.

“How are things going for you?”

Before I can answer Hailey’s question, Shawn speaks up. “For any of you who are new to tennis, Noah took time off from playing professionally to take care of his wife while she fought her battle with cancer. She passed about a year ago.”

I flinch and hot anger flares to life inside me. What the fuck? Did this guy really just casually mention my wife and her death?

The fogginess that had settled over me vanishes in an instant. I clear my throat, though I can’t remember Hailey’s question. Heat rises inside me, mixing with fury and pain. I set the microphone down on the table and inhale sharply.

It’s inevitable that I’ll be asked about Annie. I knew that coming into this, but knowing it and experiencing it are two very different things.

Off to the side, Fisher shakes his head. Whether in annoyance at me or the interviewers, I’m not sure.

A shot of adrenaline courses through me, causing my whole body to shake.

“We’re done here.” Abruptly, I stand. “I have to go.”

It’s unprofessional for me to walk off, but if I stay, I worry I’ll lose my shit and make the situation worse.

Noah took time off from playing professionally to take care of his wife while she fought her battle with cancer. She passed about a year ago.

Shawn’s words play on a loop in my head as I hop on a golf cart and head for the locker rooms. Fisher hollers after me, but I don’t turn around.

Why the hell do people call cancer a battle? It’s not a war to be won or lost. It’s a disease that wreaks havoc on a person’s body. That’s not a battle. That’s a tragedy.

She passed about a year ago.

Such a casual way to say that my wifedied.

Why do people hate that word so much? It’s what she is. She’s dead. People don’t like the finality of such things. Using the wordpassedis easier on their sensibilities.

But Annie is gone.

I lost my wife. My best friend. My lover. My confidant.

Maddie lost her mother.

I hop off the golf cart when I get to the locker room. I’m bound to get chewed out by Fisher later, the rest of my team as well, but for now, I tune out the world and head to the showers.

Once I’m dressed in a fresh pair of shorts and a t-shirt, I discover a missed text from Sabrina letting me know she and Maddie are headed out.

Me: If you’re still here, I can meet you and we can ride back to the hotel together.

Her response is almost instantaneous.

Sabrina: Okay. We’ll wait for you.

I sling my bag over my shoulder and pull my cap on. Then, keeping my head low, I book it out of the building. I don’t make eye contact with anyone as I go, not wanting to risk getting pulled into conversation.

When I make it to the entrance and find Sabrina and Maddie, my shoulders sag with relief.

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