Page 28 of White Room Virgin

I slowly stepped closer to him until there were only a few inches between us. His hazel eyes sparkled in the light of the lamps like those of a frightened deer. “Maybe … that’s why you’re here,” I said, stroking his neck tenderly with my knuckles.

“No!” he exclaimed, upset, as he slapped my hand away.

“Liar,” I whispered and kissed him.

As I suspected, he dropped his mask the first second our lips touched. Not that it was any different for me—there was something about Jonah that drove me crazy. Maybe it was his smell, maybe it was his pretty face. His lips or those beautiful eyes. Probably everything.

His warmth flowed through me and dissolved all the muscle pain. All the blood pooled in my center, and like a drowning man, I soaked up as much of him as I could. I placed my hand on the back of his neck and slipped my tongue into his mouth. That tugging desire awoke in me again, that longing for more. My whole body ached for him. And Jonah also kissed more and more intensely. His initial hesitation was swept away, and he held my head with both hands and joined in the dance of our tongues.

I wrapped an arm around his body and snuggled up to him. Even though he stiffened slightly, he didn’t let go of my head and almost devoured me. My cock was pushing against my pants,and when I felt Jonah’s hard-on, I couldn’t help but put my hand on the bulge in his pants. A sweet sigh escaped his lips, and he gave in.

But only briefly.

The next moment, he tore himself away from me and backed away, startled. Breathless, he stared at me. His whole body was screaming for more, but his mind was obviously fully functional again. He ran the back of his hand over his mouth and stared at me in horror.

“What … am I doing here? This … this isn’t right!”

I was just as out of breath. My lips were trembling as if I was freezing cold, and yet this greed continued to pulse inside me. I wanted more. I needed more. I felt dizzy, the studio blurred beyond recognition for a moment. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to concentrate.

And suddenly, there was Phil in front of me.

My heart skipped a beat as he reached out for me.I miss you, were the bittersweet words that silently fell from his lips.I miss you, Lu.But then he pulled his hand back, pressed his fist to his chest, and hung his head sadly. The sight made my heart ache. My whole body trembled. I felt forces pressing on me from all sides, threatening to crush me. And then the guilt hit me like a tidal wave, and I struggled to hold back my tears.

“No!” Jonah said resolutely and Phil disappeared again.

I stared at him open-mouthed. Had I just seen a ghost? Before I knew it, Jonah was walking toward the door.

“Wait!” I grabbed him by the arm and wondered how I managed to get that word past my lips. But it was no use.

Jonah pulled his arm back and snapped at me. “Stop messing with my head!” He rushed out of the studio, the door closing behind him with a bang.

Who is confusing whom here? Bloody hell!

I tussled my hair. That was not good. Seeing Phil was an extremely bad sign. Completely confused, I finished the water bottle and lit a cigarette. My hands were shaking as I sat down on the couch and tried to take a deep breath.

My cell phone vibrated. The possibility that it could be bad news scared me so much that I just smoked my cigarette. After mustering up some courage, I checked the message. It was from Martin.

“Hey, my class tomorrow morning is canceled. Are we going to the gym?”

I hesitated because I just felt miserable. My common sense took over and I sent Martin a confirmation. I couldn’t allow it to pull the ground from under my feet again.

Maybe I should tell Martin that my brain is playing tricks on me. That I saw Phil. But then he’ll want to know how that could have happened. Maybe it’s better to keep it to myself. I’ll go to the gym tomorrow and then have a break from all this.

I glanced at the painting lying on the floor, which I would probably have to work on for another two weeks. But just the thought of it was paralyzing. Yes, I definitely needed a break. Everyday life would do me good. I had slept through the two classes today, but I tried not to be so hard on myself., especially since I had worked for two weeks straight.

And what about Jonah? Damn it! He’s so cute!

The things I did with him in my imagination … But that was probably only because I saw Phil in him. This idea had become so ingrained in my head that I could obviously see him even when I was sober.

That has to stop. No more alcohol from now on.

I checked whether any important dates were coming up, but there was nothing apart from Marco’s release concert in two weeks.

I can do that. It can’t be that difficult not to drink alcohol for a while. And no more advances toward Jonah. I’ll keep my distance from now on.

It was already dark outside, and I felt far too exhausted to drag myself home. But I really needed to eat something, so I went to the gas station and bought myself a yogurt and a bread roll.

The fresh air rejuvenated me, and I was already heading back to the studio when my cell phone buzzed. It was a message from Steven.“The course at Seeger’s on Friday has been canceled. But look where it’s going!”

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