Page 33 of White Room Virgin

“If I remember correctly, you tend to deal with other topics in your work.”

“Yes … it … is progressing. I have a few ideas. But you’re right. That’s not my subject at all.”

We looked at each other seriously for a moment and then laughed before returning to our food. I slowly thawed a little. “Tomorrow is your birthday. November 12th. Twenty-one is something special. Are you looking forward to the concert?”

“Yes, as special as I am,” Jonah joked. “When is your birthday?”

“July 1st. But it means nothing to me.”

“Still a nice date. There’s a much better chance you’ll be able to celebrate outside.”

I picked a few tomatoes from the omelet and pushed them to the edge of the plate. When I realized he was watching me, I grimaced and smiled crookedly. “I’m sorry. A few too many tomatoes for me.”

“No problem.” He laughed again. “Now that I see it, I remember. You also picked out the big chunks in the spaghetti sauce. I guess everyone has their quirks.”

“Is there anything I absolutely mustn’t include in my revenge menu?”

“Eggplant. Absolutely not.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem. I can’t stand them either.”

Sometime later, when Jonah shifted back and forth in his chair and took his first nervous glance at the clock on the wall, I was surprised at how quickly lunchtime had passed. We had actually lost ourselves in conversation and were still sitting in front of our empty plates.

“Don’t you have a class this afternoon?”

“No, Seeger’s drawing class is canceled again—and I’ve already finished the drawings for it.”

“I’d really love to chat more, but unfortunately, I have to go to class.” He finished his glass and made a move to clear away his plate.

“Just leave it. I’ll clean up.”

“Thanks.” The way he looked at me was thanks enough. And before I knew it, he was hurrying out of the apartment. I stood there a little lost for a moment, listening to the thumping noise from the stairwell. A smile flitted across my face, and I had to admit that it had gone better than expected. It was actually fun to have lunch with Jonah, and I learned things about him thatmade me smile. Like how he hated eggplants, for example. And he made great omelets.

Just like Phil …

My mind must have momentarily shut down because when I snapped back to reality, I found myself standing in front of the sink, fixated on the wall. A sense of dizziness washed over me, accompanied by a deep exhale. The stack of dirty dishes lay before me, and as I reached for the dish soap, I noticed my trembling hands. Disregarding it, I started washing the first plate.

But my vision blurred and pain throbbed behind my forehead. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to concentrate.

Breathe, damn it … in … out …

It didn’t help. Suddenly, my hands were covered in blood. They shone a dark red, as if they were gloves.

“Woah!” Gasping in shock, I dropped the plate and recoiled.

For a brief moment, I found myself in the darkness, trapped, blinded by bright light, my bloody hands pressed to bare skin. Loud breathing. A groan.

And I was back in the kitchen, my hands full of white foam. My whole body was shaking.

Bloody hell!

Another attempt to do the dishes failed. A storm was raging in my head. I dried my hands and lit a cigarette. The shaking just wouldn’t stop. My heart was racing as if I had just run a sprint. The familiar darkness spread within me, and as if a single small thought had opened a door, the demons within me rose again and tormented me from all sides.

What kind of fucking hypocrite are you?

How had I let myself be tempted to spend lunchtime with Jonah? I should have vanished! The more time I spent with him, the more confused I became.

And then he cooked for us too! Just like Phil!

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