Page 38 of White Room Virgin

Lu took me all the way inside him every time. I couldn’t help but notice that he was now touching himself and makingrapturous noises along with gurgling—a deep hum that spread through my body via my cock.

And then I felt it. The orgasm rolled in like a wave and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. I moaned, clawed even harder into Lucien’s hair, and poured myself deep down his throat. My whole body tensed up, my muscles twitched uncontrollably, and my knees became so weak that I could only stay on my feet with his help.

I shot straight into his mouth, and he held my pelvis with one hand while he brought himself to climax with the other. I was bent over him, struggling for breath, and could only guess from the twitching of his body that he had also come.

He released my penis with a smacking sound. As quickly as he had unzipped my pants, he zipped up his again. He knelt in front of me for a moment with his head bowed and took a shaky breath. I held onto the kitchen counter again, unable to believe I had just clung to him.

“Did I … hurt you?” I asked in a shaky voice. I had no idea where that came from. I couldn’t even explain what had just come over me, but the possibility that I could have hurt Lucien …

Oh damn … What just happened?I felt dizzy and gasped for breath.

Lucien squeezed his eyes shut, turned his head away and struggled back to his feet. He stood there for a moment with his lips pressed together and his face contorted. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. Then he just left me standing there and disappeared into his room.

I stood there completely confused and tried to organize my thoughts. I pulled my pants back up and looked around the kitchen. The glass with the juice was still where I had left it—so clean and untouched.

I heard Lucien’s door open again. He hurried past the kitchen while putting on his coat and left the apartment withouta word or even a glance. The sound of the door closing sounded final, and I felt cold. My whole body was shaking and I couldn’t think straight. What had just happened had felt devilishly good. The pleasant feeling was still coursing through my whole body and I anxiously ran my fingers through my hair. I returned to my room on unsteady legs—I left the juice behind.

When I finally lay in bed, I could still feel Lucien’s warmth. I couldn’t get the image of him kneeling in front of me out of my head, the look on his face as he glanced up at me. The feeling he had given me had been incredible. And the whole time I kept asking myself:Why not Daniela? Why him?

18

–––––

Lucien

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

What have I done?

What if Martin finds out?

This cannot happen! No way!

Not even the cool air brought clarity. My mind was racing, and I was completely out of it and running aimlessly down the street like a madman. I could still feel Jonah’s member in my mouth, tasted him and his semen … and saw Phil in my mind’s eye.

My brain had been going crazy all day. Phil had been buzzing around in my head like a bumblebee. When Jonah had been standing at the kitchen counter with his back to me, with his broad shoulders and well-proportioned upper body, I had seen Phil. My body had acted on its own. The longing to hold him, to feel him, to smell him, to absorb his warmth inside me … I was drawn to him as if he were a magnet, irresistibly captivated by everything he embodied.

Shit, man!

How many times had I blown Phil just because I felt like it? Because we felt like it. Besides, I had always had the feeling that Phil had given me much more than I had given him. Secretly, I had hoped to give him something back, to make him happy.

I nervously lit a cigarette. My hands were shaking.

This is not good. Not good at all.

I urgently needed to distract myself, as the spiral I was trapped in kept dragging me further and further down. I felt myself being drawn into the depths of darkness and in danger of slowly drowning—a feeling I was all too familiar with. Martinhad told me to tell him as soon as I realized it was happening again.

No. Not a chance.

Once more, I found myself crossing a line and breaking a promise I had made. I would never reach out to him for help—I simply didn’t deserve it. Why couldn't he see that I was the biggest failure in the world? I was a master at fucking up everything. I didn’t even stop at his cousin. Soiled a pure mind like Jonah’s with my filth. And even now, I longed for him. Everything about him attracted me, as if he were the counterpart I’d lost a long time ago. I just couldn’t resist him. It reminded me of my experience with Phil—except that Phil wasn’t a believer and let that hinder his developmaent. Jonah would never admit to himself that he liked men.

Never!

So I did well to get him out of my head as quickly as possible.

But how?

I must put an end to this once and for all! I cannot allow myself to be near him again. These feelings aren't genuine anyway; I'm merely confusing them!

---