Page 41 of White Room Virgin

At least I don’t.

The whole conversation made me uncomfortable, and I nervously turned the glass back and forth between my hands. Aware of the silence, which lasted longer than normal, I looked up. Clarissa was still sitting there, staring at me with a piercing gaze. The nibbling on her lower lip showed that her mind was working. “You are someone who does whatever he wants,” she thought aloud. “Not believing in love and all that shit. That’s all right. No one’s forcing you to. But…”

“Stop analyzing me!”

“But what happened seems to be getting you down … Oh, oh …” Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth. “Lu! You’re in love!”

I stared at her for at least five long seconds until I shook my head. “No. You’re wrong.”

“Oh yes, you like this guy, this cousin. But Lu, that’s wonderful!”

Now I was the one staring at her with wide eyes. I was still shaking my head, but now I was more scared. “Believe me, it’s not good.”

Clarissa’s expression turned anxious. “But there’s nothing you can do about it, is there?”

I nervously clenched my hands into fists, scanning my surroundings. My eyes fell on the cigarettes.

“Go on, light one up,” Clarissa said sympathetically.

I didn't hesitate for long and inhaled the first puff as deeply as I could. Meanwhile, Clarissa opened a window and sat back down on the bed.

“I have brought about a disaster,” I said quietly.

“That bad?”

I could only nod in response.

“Maybe it’s only half as bad as you think.”

“Maybe,” I conceded, hoping to end the conversation that way. But my thoughts continued to circle. “He reminds me of him.”

“Oh … and … how do you deal with it?”

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” I replied, forcing a sad smile on my face.

Clarissa accepted this and nodded. “I’m going to take a quick shower. Shall we order something to eat later? We could also watch a movie if you feel like it.”

“And who are you hiding from?” I asked.

“From Dominic. You don’t know him. But … he … I don’t know, I just need a bit of distance. He’s acting like we’re together.”

I knew that Clarissa had a very dysfunctional relationship. As much as she wanted safety, affection, and security, she was incapable of accepting them.

“Don’t worry,” I said. Now it was me who took her hand. “I’ll stay all night if you want.”

“Thank you,” she mumbled.

As she disappeared into the shower, I checked my cell phone. I’d noticed that it had vibrated a few times, but when I saw ten missed calls, three voicemails, and five messages, I could only shake my head.

Josephine.

I did her a favor and called her back, knowing that nothing could be as important as this avalanche suggested.

“Lu! Why are you only calling me back now? I was already worried!”

A glance at the clock told me that it was already eleven o’clock at night. “Hi, Jo! What’s up?”

“Let’s go to the matinee on Sunday.”

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