Page 42 of White Room Virgin

Shit …

The concert at the exhibition. It came as no surprise to me that Josephine, of all people, caught wind of it.

“No.”

“Yes, it’s been far too long! I want to see you!”

“It’s not a good time right now,” I said, although I realized that this excuse wouldn’t do. With Josephine, the world could have been about to end—and even then, she wouldn’t have cared. “If you don’t show up, I’ll find you. I’m serious.”

“Fine!”

“There you go,” she said with satisfaction. “Then I’ll meet you in front of the entrance at twelve o’clock?”

“All right.” Shaking my head, I hung up again.

I’ll just go to this stupid matinee.

I finished the champagne, took the last drag of the cigarette, and tossed it in the glass of water. Then I followed Clarissa into the shower.

19

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Jonah

It was almost absurd how I empathized with the little angel who was being beaten up by everyone else. The triangular arrangement and the divine light shining over everything drew me even deeper into the picture, and I wondered why I had been so blind and not noticed the intensity of the painting at the opening.

I glanced over my shoulder to make sure Simon was still there and hadn’t just dropped me off. He sat relaxed on one of the fifty chairs set up and leafed through a program booklet while three musicians prepared for the concert. One by one, the visitors took their seats.

When Simon had mentioned the matinee, he had been so excited that he convinced me to come with him after church on Sunday. I had only found out after the service that the matinee was taking place in the exhibition where Lucien’s paintings were hanging.

And there I was, mesmerized by the pain and suffering of the ugly little angel, completely unable to get the image of Lucien kneeling in front of me and sucking my cock out of my head.

Oh God … get rid of that thought!

I had to get that image out of my head once and for all. I wasn’t myself that day, not in the slightest. Even though I hadn’t made it to confession yet, I pleaded for mercy at every prayer during Mass that morning. It was a shame what Lucien had tempted me to do …and yet it felt so good.

Behind me, the musicians began to play. The spherical sounds of the double bass hummed through the exhibition rooms and my thoughts dipped an octave lower. A violin began to play, followed by the piano, and the music filled the whiteroom with melancholy. My gaze was lost among the gloomy brushstrokes that formed cruel faces. The little angel’s pained expression touched me so much that I sank completely into his dark world.

I was almost terrified when I turned to the side and Lucien was standing next to me. I hadn’t noticed him at first—the distance between us was almost seven feet. No one would have thought that we could know each other. He stood there motionless, appearing tired and exhausted as he stared at his painting.

I scanned the audience, who were listening intently to the three musicians. A young woman turned her head and looked over at us. Her long brown hair was knotted into a bun, with a few strands framing her pretty, soft face. Her brows furrowed in concern, which inevitably gave the impression that she was Lucien’s companion. She also sat at the edge of the row, with an empty chair next to her. When she turned back to the music, I took a step closer to Lucien. I followed his weary gaze and tried to guess what had captured his attention.

“I think I like it,” I said quietly. “I don’t know what it means, but I think I like it. And at the same time, it kind of scares me.”

Lucien opened his mouth, but his breathing was heavy, and he couldn’t say a single word. He drew his brows together and looked down at the floor as if the answer lay there. He clenched his jaw, and as the tension between us grew almost palpable, he abruptly left me standing there, vanishing from the showroom.

Before I could bring myself to follow him, the woman from the audience got up and left the room too. Something tightened in my chest, and I felt like I had done something unspeakably evil. Didn’t he like what I said?

Or had I not expressed myself properly?

Then I noticed Simon gesturing for me to join him. I shook off my thoughts of Lucien, took a deep breath, and sat downin my seat. I sat there with heavy limbs and was glad for the music and the fact that, despite my presence, I didn’t have to contribute anything to the situation. I could just sit there and practice forgetting the whole story with Lu.

I wanted to pull my hair out and scream. As much as I tried to banish him from my mind, I couldn’t. And the worst thing of all was that I couldn’t explain why.

He took my cock …

It was screaming inside me, and I felt like I was about to burst.

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