Page 50 of White Room Virgin

My shoulders sagged. “I’m fine.”

“No. You’re not fine, Lu! That’s pretty obvious.”

“It doesn’t matter. Just leave me…”

“… to drown in misery? No! You’re coming home with me now.”

“Please, Martin … not today.” My voice became a quiet pleading. The anniversary was crushing me.

“Today of all days. I know you too well and I don’t want to see you end up doing something to yourself—even if it’s just an accident. We both know how clumsy you can be. If needed, I’ll haul you home and put you under lock and key. Or you can come along willingly and at least preserve your dignity. It’s up to you.”

I remained seated. My body felt heavy like a boulder. I sluggishly ran my hands over my face.

Dignity … As if I really had a choice …

If Martin had set his mind on something, there was no way around it.

Today of all days, when I just wanted to get drunk … Fuck.

While I stubbed out my cigarette, Martin nodded contentedly and retrieved my coat. Still unable to pull myself together, I leaned forward to grab the bottle, but Martin was quicker and snatched it from under my nose.

“That’s enough for today,” he said and walked toward the sink.

“Hey, don’t throw that away now …”

“Don’t worry, but at least it’s staying here.”

I finally got up from the sofa.

Concentrate, Lu!

I felt dizzy as the force of gravity seemed almost overpowering, but I managed to hold myself upright.

“Here,” Martin said and handed me the coat.

I put it on, staggered back to the sofa to pack my cigarettes, and then followed Martin out. Since I struggled to find the lock, he grabbed the key from me and locked the door. Meanwhile, I leaned against the wall, my head back, trying to ignore the fact that everything was spinning around me.

“There. Come on now.” Martin pressed the keys into my hand and pulled me along. I heard a metallic clang behind me. By the time I realized it was my keys, Martin had shoved them into my coat pocket.

As if in a trance, I followed him out. Somehow the world had become more or less bearable in the last half hour. My feelings of guilt and my pain were under control, the memories banished.

Then I’ll just go home with Martin… Whatever…

The fresh evening air and the short walk to the bus stop did me good. It was all the more difficult on the packed bus, where I had to squeeze myself against one of the windows.

“I told Jonah that we’re all eating together today,” Martin said casually when we finally got off the bus.

Oh no!

“No, that …”

“Don’t argue with me! You need to eat, and having some company will do you good.”

As our house came into view, I desperately searched for a way to escape. However, in my drunken state, I would probably have crashed into the nearest wall, so I just trotted after Martin like a dog.

23

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