Page 101 of Most Likely to Fear Love

I cuddled Ava closer, inhaling that distinct baby scent, waiting for that punch to the guts feeling of yearning to hit me. It always did at times like this. I waited. And waited some more. But there was...nothing.Oh. Fuck.

Okay, I could work through this. It was probably seeing the downside of parenthood up close. My fiery, strong-willed partner, in pjs with her hair all over the place, clearly trying to get over a rough night. Who wouldn’t question their life choices under those circumstances?

Or maybe it was the realization that I didn’t have a Rhett in my life. There was no steadfast partner to lean on when things got hard. I mean, it wasn’t like I didn’t have support; Hannah and all the girls would help me. Maybe Mom would even pitch in, if Dad would let her. But still, it wasn’t quite the same.

Did I really want to do this on my own? I’d been so, so sure that it was the right path for me, but now it didn’t seem so clear.

Trying to keep the freak out at bay, I forced myself to focus on the documents in front of me. This wasn’t the time or place to have an existential crisis about my life choices. I had work to do, a friend who needed my help, and a baby sleeping peacefully in my arms.

For now, at least, I would pretend everything was normal. That I wasn’t waiting on a life-changing test result. That my heart wasn’t aching for a man I’d promised myself I wouldn’t fall for.Don’t do that. You are way too much of a mess to give yourself to someone. Never again.

HARLE

Igrabbed the old rake leaning against the side of the cabin and headed out towards the back, where the lawn met the forest. The handle was smooth from years of use, familiar in my grip as I attacked the scattered leaves with more force than necessary. Yard work was the best thing I could think of to keep myself busy. Keep my hands occupied. Keep my mind from circling back to Cassidy.

Max bounded past me, sending the neat pile I’d just made scattering to the wind. “Really?” I muttered, but my heart wasn’t in the scolding. Buddy, always the more sedate of the two, dropped his favorite tennis ball at my feet with a hopeful whine.

“Not now, boy.” I moved to a new section, dragging the rake over uneven ground. The methodical scraping sound was almost meditative, but somehow, I couldn’t settle into the task. Fuck.

I abandoned the rake and grabbed the wheelbarrow, loading it with the brush I’d cleared earlier. Physical labor. That’s what I needed. Something demanding enough to drown out the anticipation gnawing at the edges of my resolve. I had a plan, after all. And a good one, if I said so myself. All I needed was for Cassidy to take her time, come to terms with whatever it was she wanted, and I’d be right there, ready.

The wheelbarrow’s wheel squeaked in protest as I pushed it toward the compost pile. Buddy and Max followed, probably hoping I’d unearth something interesting in the process. The sun beat down on my shoulders as I worked, and I stripped off my shirt, using it to wipe the sweat from my face before tossing it aside.

Just keep moving. Keep working. Keep?—

A sharp bark from Max made me look up. He’d spotted a squirrel at the forest’s edge, and the chase was on. Buddy looked between his brother and me, torn between the excitement and his self-appointed duty to keep me company.

“Go on,” I told Buddy, nodding toward his brother. His tail wagged once before he loped after Max, leaving me alone with my thoughts. Dangerous territory, that.

I grabbed the hedge clippers next. The bushes along the cabin’s edge had grown wild, reaching their branches toward the sky like desperate fingers. I set to work. One branch at a time. Methodical. Precise. Everything my thoughts weren’t.

The memory of Cassidy’s laugh ambushed me as I worked. How gorgeous she’d looked when she laughed at her own terrible jokes. The way she’d lean against my shoulder, warm and solid and real. Christ, I missed her terrible jokes.

Sweat trickled down my back as I moved to the next bush. The weight of loving her pressed against my chest, constant and heavy. Some days it felt like the only reason my heart was still beating, was because it beat for her.

And she had no idea.

Loving someone without knowing if they love you back was like carrying a weight you couldn’t set down. The constant ache of it, always there, always pressing. I felt like I was waiting for a bridge to be built, one she might never start. And I couldn’t build it for her. I couldn’t make her trust me, couldn’t make her feelwhat I felt. I just had to hope that, one day, she’d take the first step.

Max’s triumphant bark drew my attention to the tree line. Both dogs were circling something. Probably that poor squirrel. “Leave it!” I called out, grateful for the distraction. They ignored me, of course. Some days I envied their simple joy, their ability to chase what they wanted without questioning every move.

I’d just started gathering the hedge clippings when my phone buzzed from its perch on the nearby rocks. My hands stilled. The dogs, sensing the shift in my energy, trotted back to investigate.

Cassidy’s name lit up the screen.

The clippers slipped from my grip, landing with a dull thud in the grass. Buddy nudged my hand as I reached for the phone, his wet nose leaving a cool spot on my skin. My heart hammered against my ribs as I opened the message.

Cassidy:I’m not pregnant.

The words hit like a physical blow. I sat heavily on the rocks, Buddy pressing against my leg while Max dropped his tennis ball in my lap. I knew it was their own ways of offering comfort, but it did fuck all. Relief and disappointment warred in my chest as I stared at those three words, my thumb hovering over the keys.

This was it. The moment to either retreat to safer ground or risk everything.

I hung my head for a moment, dragging in air. The seconds stretched like hours. Buddy whined softly, picking up on my tension. I scratched behind his ears, trying to figure out what to say to Cassidy. Deciding that the straightforward option was best, I typed out:

Me:I’d like to come and see you.

Her reply came in mere seconds.

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