Page 39 of Most Likely to Fear Love

Harle nodded again, his jaw clenched. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”

I turned towards my car, fumbling with my keys. My hands were shaking so badly I could barely get the door open. As I slid into the driver’s seat, I risked one last glance at Harle.

He was still standing there, watching me, his expression a mix of desire and frustration that I’m sure mirrored my own. I wanted to say something, anything, but words failed me. Instead, I started the engine and backed out of his driveway, my heart hammering against my ribs.

As I drove away, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had fundamentally changed between us. And I had no idea what to do about it.

HARLE

Radio silence. Definitely the best option. You can’t say that sort of shit to the woman you’ve been donating your sperm to for months and think she’ll be okay about it. Jesus fucking Christ.

I slouched on the couch, the room dark except for the faint glow of the muted TV. The cold beer in my hand did nothing to cool the burning in my gut. Cassidy’s face flashed in my mind. Her green eyes wide, her lips parted in shock. Fuck.

“I want to fuck you.”

The words echoed in my head, taunting me. Real smooth, Harle. Stellar move.

I took another swig of beer, grimacing at the bitter taste. My phone sat on the coffee table, silent and accusing. I should call her. Apologize. Try to salvage whatever was left of our arrangement. Friendship?

I reached for the phone, then pulled back. What the hell would I even say?‘Sorry I told you I wanted to bone you. Can we go back to me jizzing in a cup for you?’

Christ.

My thumb hovered over her name in my contacts. One tap and I could hear her voice. Maybe she’d laugh it off. Maybe she’d tell me to go to hell.

I tossed the phone aside and drained the rest of my beer. The silence of the house pressed in around me, broken only by the occasional hoot of an owl in the tree outside my living room door.

Cassidy deserved better than this mess. Better than me complicating her life when all she wanted was a baby. I’d promised to help her, and instead I’d gone and fucked it all up with my big mouth and bigger libido.

CASSIDY

Ithrew the tampon wrapper in the bin next to the toilet and slammed the lid shut.

Then I trudged back to the living room, my feet heavy with disappointment. Another month, another failure. The sofa beckoned, and I sank onto it, grabbing a cushion and hugging it tight to my chest.

The first tear slipped down my cheek before I could stop it. Then another. And another. Soon, they were falling silently, soaking into the fabric of the cushion.

I’d been so hopeful this time. Harle and I had timed everything perfectly. We’d followed all the advice, all the tips and tricks. But here I was, right back where I started.

Harle. Sweet, kind Harle with his Viking good looks and gentle soul. The way he’d looked at me that night we’d kissed. Then the next day. God, I wanted to call him. To hear his voice, to let him comfort me.

But I couldn’t. This wasn’t his burden to bear. He was just the donor, not my partner. Not my boyfriend. Not my anything, really.

I squeezed the cushion tighter, trying to fill the emptiness inside me. The house felt too quiet, too still. Like it was mockingme with its emptiness, reminding me of all the little feet and giggles that I wanted to fill it with.

How many more months could I do this? How many more disappointments could I take? The doubt crept in, as it always did in these moments. Maybe this wasn’t meant to be.

I’d been too chicken shit to text Harle after that day and now I didn’t know what to do. Fuck, it was all so hopeless. I was hopeless. Just couldn’t get any fucking thing right.

I buried my head in the cushion and let out a proper sob. The floodgates opened, and I cried like I hadn’t in years. Ugly, heaving sobs that shook my whole body. I didn’t care how I looked or sounded. There was no one here to see me fall apart.

The shrill ring of my phone cut through my misery, making me jump. I fumbled for it blindly, not bothering to check who was calling. Anything to distract me from this pit of despair.

“Hello?” My voice came out thick and watery.

“Cass? Are you okay?”

Fuck. I pulled my phone away to check the screen. Harle. Of course it was Harle. His deep, concerned voice sent a fresh wave of emotion through me.

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