Page 43 of Nova Academy

I took a deep, steadying breath and pushed him further into the mattress, my forearm on his throat suddenly blocking the passage of his heaving breaths.

It had the opposite reaction to what I had expected, however, making this even more difficult. Instead of the fear he should have felt from the danger I posed – because make no mistake, I was deadly – he let out a sound that was positivelyprimal, sinking intothe mattress like the good boy that he was.

Woah. Where did that thought come from?

I couldn’t give him what he wanted, though, so I spoke in my deadliest voice. ‘Don’teverdo that again.’

His eyes searched mine, then shuttered when he saw how serious I was. Where a moment ago they were brimming with lust, now they were just as hard and cold as mine, though I swore I saw a glimpse of hurt before he shut it down.

I released him after he nodded his acceptance – as much as he could move his head with my arm blocking his chin. Then I backed up and walked away.

I wanted to look back. I wanted to turn around and go right back to what we were doing, but nothing had changed. It was still too dangerous for the both of us, and I wasn’t willing to put him or my mission at risk just to get laid. I also didn’t want to face his disappointment in me when he realised what I was hiding under my uniform. Nor did I wish to face my own trauma about sex. Letting someone in like that… it would never be in the cards for me. Not after…

That didn’t stop the pang of longing and the stab of regret from bowling me over when the bathroom door shut behind me, though.

My breaths came in harsh, shallow pants. I clawed at my chest the pain almost unbearable. My core still throbbed with want, protesting the lack of something to clench around. And I let myself have a moment to break down.

The shower washed away any evidence of my emotions, taking with it the tracks down my cheeks from my tears and the sensation of Bromm’s touch. I missed it already, missedhim, because I knew I had irreparably destroyed any friendship we could have had, let alone anything more.

It’s for the best, I reminded myself, turning it into a mantra.

It’s for the best. It’s for the best. It’s for the best.

How I wished I believed it.

When I stepped out and realised I had no clothes, I resigned to putting back on my rumpled and sex-scented sleepwear and hopefully sneak back into the bathroom to change before anyone else roused. I wasn’t so lucky.

There were sounds from the other bedroom that proved I wasn’t the only one up, but it was the sight of Bromm standing, waiting, on the other side of the door that pulled me up short.

He handed a pile of clothes – my clothes – and sent me a tentative smile.

Why was he being nice to me?

Regardless, I accepted the clothes and ducked back inside the bathroom. When I exited, he was still outside, and though he didn’t touch me I could tell he wanted to by the way his hand twitched towards me. I dodged it, though, and he didn’t lift it any further. Instead, I gave me another small, sad smile that still flashed with an underlying heat before the door closed behind him and the sound of the shower filtered through.

A moment later, the telltale grunts of him pleasuring himself drifted through the door, sounds that had tormented me every morning since we’d arrived on this ship, and I almost tripped over my own two feet in my rush to get away.

I plopped down on the couch in the communal living space and waited, back straight, hands neatly folded on my lap, and gaze unseeing as I stared at a random spot on the wall.

The others startled trickling through, taking turns in the bathroom before getting dressed for the day and joining me in the living room to wait for the breakfast delivery. It didn’t take long. Cadmus was in the bathroom when it arrived with none other than Addy and the captain, though the man from before that given me a bad vibe was backing away with a wave towards them. I wanted to sate my curiosity about the relationship between the two of them, and now with that man, but after recent events decided against it.

It would be better for me if I stopped caring about thesepeople on a personal level. I couldn’t have them, and they didn’t understand what it would mean to have me.

I cursed the stars for how unfair this whole thing was. I escaped the worst place in the entirety of the combined galaxies, only to find I still wasn’t free. I wondered if I would ever know true freedom. What was I fighting for if I could never achieve it?

Was it even something worth achieving?

I didn’t have those answers because I’d never experienced it for myself. Though I’d been ‘free’ before my time being stuck with needles and cut open at the behest of sick-minded scientists, I had no memories of it. And I wasn’t sure I wanted them. All I’d ever been able to uncover about my past was that I’d been a terminally ill orphan that my guardians sold to The Program for a whopping sum of ten thousand credits.

I still hadn’t figured out how to feel about that price tag defining my worth as a person. To them, I had been nothing more than a test subject. The one person who had seen me as something more I had lost. I wouldn’t, no,couldn’tput anyone else through that level of suffering.

Reaffirming my stance, I maintained my aloof demeanour even as Addy attempted to sit on my lap again while we ate. I merely shifted my legs out of the way so she was forced to sit beside me rather than on top of me. I hoped that keeping an emotional distance from the person who knew one of my secrets wouldn’t end up badly for me, but it was yet another reason to do what I came here to do and leave as soon as I could.

???

We switched things up in combat training this morning. Instead of weight training, we were with the Griknot instructor running lap after lap. It felt nice to revert into myself as I ran. It was a simple exercise that afforded me the luxury of blocking everyone elseout and focusing only on my next breath, my next step. Pushing forward and going further was all that mattered, and my mind was blissfully empty for the duration of the class.

Lunch was a little more tricky. The worry and concern I felt from the others was becoming stifling. After the fifth time Reece asked if I was okay, and how many times Addy checked in with me throughout the meal, I was beginning to realise how annoying having people care about you could be.

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