Page 56 of Nova Academy

‘What about me?’ she asked, gesturing around the room now empty of cadets. ‘You ran off my helpers.’

‘Right. I almost forgot,’ I smiled sheepishly. ‘I figured you could help me keep an eye on Mercer today. Get him some food or something, check in on him now and then.’

She jerked her head down once. ‘I can do that.’

‘Thank you, my love.’

She beamed at me, her eyes soft and full of affection. ‘Thankyou, Xan. I know you can’t see what I see yet when it comes to Arty, but I promise you will. He’s gonna be a work-in-progress, but he’sworth it.’

That ugly, antsy sensation of churning envy reappeared, but I didn’t let it out. She didn’t need to see that from me. We’d been together (even if it was unofficial) for years without this level of possessiveness from me. It might have been because I was so used to having her all to myself compounded with the confirmation that she reciprocated my feelings and made things real between us. Either way, I needed to get my own head screwed on right again and remember that she was mine.

However that played out, I would make damn sure that remained true.

CHAPTER 25

Artemis

Iwas embarrassed. It wasn’t helping to improve my mood, but it was certainly helping me remember that I was better than this, that I couldn’t allow myself to fall into the same trauma trap I had in the past, and that the people here did not deserve such mistreatment from me.

In all honestly, there hadn’t been a great many people to show me any level of kindness throughout my life. I’d had Libby in The Program. I’d had T and his crew to help me escape, but other than that I was utterly and completely alone. No one else had cared. Even after I’d escaped, the only thing I’d received from T was a change in plans through a letter. He wasn’t coming with me like we’d planned. He wasn’t going to help me integrate into society. He told me where to pick up the documents he’d ordered to complete my alias, and whom to contact if I needed assistance, but he hadn’t followed through the way he’d said he would.

That left Libby, and since I’d abandoned her to an unfathomable fate when I’d escaped without her, I was riddled with even more guilt. We were supposed to do this together. Live our lives, find happiness,be free. It was supposed to be the two of us against everything else, and we were going to laugh in everyone’s faces andwin.

But it didn’t work out that way, and here I was, trying to find my way back. I knew when I managed it that they would all be so very mad with me. I had found my way to freedom, but what they didn’t understand, even Libby, was that there was no freedom without her. She was my family, my life, my reason to keep on fighting.

Without her, I’d be nothing.

Was that why I was having such as adverse reaction toeverything now? Why I was pushing back so hard against forming genuine friendships, because I’d already betrayed the only person that had ever meant anything to me?

No, I had to stop thinking like that. I needed to keep my eye on the goal and follow through. Neither T nor any of his friends had contacted me since my escape two years ago, which meant that they were either dead or they had yet to succeed in another escape plan.

Regardless, it meant Ihadto get back there. I would take it all if it meant she’d never have to suffer again. All the needles and the scalpels, the serums, the grafting, the implants, the tranquilisers and the restraints. I would let them have my body to do with as they pleased so long as she never had to be subjected to it ever again.

I never should have left her behind.

And that was the crux of it. My own guilt. My own failures. I was not to be trusted as a friend if I couldn’t even keep the most important person in my life safe. From them or from me.

I still struggled to comprehend how I had abandoned her to that fate. They had been discussing a breeding program that intensified our urgency to get out. It was what had triggered T and those other guards to help us escape. We were going to be violated in a whole new way, a way even they couldn’t stand by and accept.

Did she have a child now? More than one? Did she finally get the chance to feel the touch of a man, or did they simply extract her eggs and their semen and mash them together to make a baby they could grow in a jar?

Would they have allowed her to be their mother?

Were they hurting the children too…?

The questions and the guilt swirled into a tangled mass inside my brain, and I struggled to untangle it all. It got so overwhelming to try that I covered my head with my arms, curled up into a ball on the floor and just screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed some more.

I bellowed and screeched as loud as I could until my throat became so raw my voice started breaking. And then I kept going until I had no voice at all, my mouth open and my face scrunched up into a silent scream.

That was how she found me.

I didn’t realise I started shouting at her, giving up all my secrets until it was too late. She sat there, stunned speechless as she held me. She rocked me slowly, refusing to let go and I held on to her just as tightly. I think it may have been a bit too tight because I noticed her wince when I finally calmed down enough to take in my surroundings.

‘Ssh. It’s okay. I’ve got you. Let it out. I’m here. I’ve got you,’ she was whispered into my hair.

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