Page 51 of Rox

“I told you that over and over.”

“I know. I know you did, and I didn’t listen. I’m not disagreeing with you on that. I’m fully aware of where I went wrong. I let my own desire to know the truth cloud my judgment.”

Rox sighs, “It never seemed like what I told you was good enough.” I try to interrupt, but she puts her hand on my mouth, “No. My turn. It didn’t seem like I was enough for you. I was telling you everything I could, and it wasn’t enough. Who I am now isn’t because of that one moment in my life. I only wanted you to see and understand that I was doing what you all do every day—protecting someone.”

I wrap her in my arms as I hug her and kiss the top of her head. I knew I messed up, but it became a lot more clear now. “I have never, ever, thought that you weren’t good enough,” I pull back and hold her face in my hands so I can look into her eyes. “The only one who isn’t good enough is me. I’ve fucked up so much lately because I can’t handle what I’m feeling. I don’t know how to process everything.”

“I get the first time you walked away. There was so much going on. Emotions you haven’t felt in years, if ever, and memories being brought back to the surface. Ugly memories that are much better suited locked away behind a door that can’t be opened anymore. But even when you were gone, you let me know you were okay. You still functioned, even if it was away from me. This time was so different, and it’s causing me to question a lot of things, Max.”

The more she speaks the stronger her resolve is. I really did fuck this up.

“This time was different because—” I can’t even explain it to her. I tried but every variation of the truth just seemed more and more pathetic.

I was selfish, and I broke her.

“Because why?” Rox asks me with a slight bite in the two words. “You tell me that you love me. You held my face and told me you were in love with me. You kissed me in a way that anyone else would think you were saying goodbye. And then, you did just that. You said you had to leave and then walked out the door. Then when I finally see you again, your ass was fucking handed to you. You didn’t let me know you were alive. You didn’t go to work. You got drunk and picked fights with people who would have no trouble killing you. Yeah, I got the progress reports when I saw you.”

She gets up and puts a reasonable distance between us. My body feels cold with her so far away. Her nearness always heats me from the inside out. Giving me a rush of endorphins and making everything better. When I don’t have her, my world plummets into a dark abyss I want nothing to do with. Even now. I can still see her, and if I get up, I can touch her, but I feel like I’m falling, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to get back up if I hit the ground.

I know that is what my life will be if she walks away from me.

“Max, whenever things get heavy and hard, you walk away from me, from us! Is that how you are always going to cope? Drop a huge emotional bomb and then fuck off for who knows how long?”

“I needed to process,” I start, desperately trying to find the words that will bring her back to me. “You being close brings something out in me I can’t explain. I want to wrap you up and protect you from everything that can hurt you. From your father,Angel, anyone who hurt you emotionally and mentally, to this fucking freak who is trying to kill you.”

“You hurt me, Max. You are the one who made me cry and hurt me this time. You didn’t even give me a chance to process everything before you kissed me, told me you loved me, walked out the door, and didn’t come back.” The tears start to fall again, and her voice starts to waver. “Had Omen not called me to tell me you were there sleeping off a drunken fight with my dad, I probably still wouldn’t know if you were dead or alive.” She brushes the tears away as if they annoy her. “Even though you walked away and didn’t return, I went to you.”

“Omen told me you were there,” I say softly, standing because I’m drawn to her. The pull to have her in my arms is so strong.

“Because when I tell someone I love them, I am there for them. When someone is my everything, no matter how pissed off I am at them, I will do everything in my power to make sure they are healthy and loved. I don’t tell them I love you and then bail. That hurt me more than anything I have been through in my life.”

I listen to everything she’s telling me. I don’t even know how to make it up to her for what I put her through this last little while. Then, her words hit me like a bullet to the heart.

“You…you love me?”

Rox stops pacing, “If I didn’t love you, would I care this fucking much about everything going on right now? Do you seriously think I’d put myself through this shit? Some may say I should walk away from you and never look back, but the truth is, you didn’t physically hurt me. You just don’t know how to act like a fucking adult and talk shit out. I don’t know if that’s gonna cut it anymore, Max.”

I slowly take the five steps towards her, cradling her face in my hands. It’s one of my favorite ways to hold her. I look into hereyes, using my thumbs to ever so softly wipe away the moisture falling down her cheeks.

“I love you, Rox. More than words could ever say. If you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make up for all the hurt I have caused you. You are my whole world and being, all wrapped into one perfect, fiery pink-haired package. Can I please come home and show you how much you mean to me with actions? I’m not the best with my words.” I speak softly to her as I bring my lips a hairsbreadth away, “But I know how to show you.”

“You did pretty good there,” she tells me with a watery laugh. “I love you, Max. You are my sullen hero. You just needed a little smack, verbally and physically.” Hearing her say those words out loud, to me, just to me, does something to me.

I lean in, softly press my lips to hers, and try to convey everything with the small action. Her hands run up my chest and she holds my shirt in a tight grip. Like she was fearful I would turn and run away from her again.

Never again.

The kiss gets stronger as she pushes her body into mine. My fingers grip the back of her head, and I start walking us to our room.

I push her back once her knees connect with the bed, and she sits down, breaking our kiss. I take my cut off and drop it to the floor before I grab the back of my shirt and pull it over my head. Once it’s off, I drop to my knees to be at eye level with her.

“God, I love you, Rox.”

My lips connect with hers, and my hands find the hem of her shirt. I lift it over her head, and our mouths are back together as if they were never apart. The feel of her lips on mine is like no other. They’re plush and soft, and she hands over the right amount of control. She’s the only one I’ve ever kissed and felt this way while doing so.

I push up, causing her to fall back, and I follow, allowing my body to cover hers. Her legs open so beautifully to me, and I roll my hips against her. My cock is rock hard as I drag against her center. Her soft moan tells me she likes this, and I want to hear more of those sounds. While I love the rough and dirty sex we have, this is something I’ve never done with anyone before, and it’s only right that Rox is my first.

“I want to make love to you, Rox.”

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