Page 9 of The Barren Luna

We were worrying? From where I stood, I was the only one worrying while he was off at his fuck-fest. As for it being over, I wasn’t so sure about that either. A deeply buried insecure part of me was hoping that she wouldn’t get pregnant on the first try, even though it meant enduring the pain of the last four days two more times, as per the agreement set forth by the Council.

It would confirm what that small kernel inside me surmised, that maybe the puplessness we were struggling with wasn’t my fault. It had been weaponized against me so many times that, despite my better judgment, I occasionally found myself viewing it as a shortcoming instead of a simple fact of life.

I felt around in my mind, trying to reach my wolf. She was uncharacteristically quiet. I could barely feel her deep in the back of my mind, licking her wounds. My poor female. After a terrified doctor cleared me to go home, I walked with Henry to his car and sat in the back, forcing as much distance between us as I could.

He kept trying to chat me up as if he wasn’t keeping me hostage in his pack and as if we were a happily mated couple returning home from a picnic, and not the hospital stay his infidelity put me in. It felt surreal, as if someone was playing a cruel joke on me, but no one around me would admit to it.

For the next ten days, an apologetic Alpha Henry Giles did all the things that I would have given my right arm for just three months ago. We ate breakfast (which he prepared) together every morning, he was home at four every day, he brought me flowers, tried asking about my day (which I ignored), kept talking to me about his days (which I also ignored), tried sitting next to me (upon which I would leave the room), and came to the guestroom after I was already asleep and slept next to me every night.

I was, however, already gone. To be on the safe side, some mornings I hid in the bathroom during breakfast so I wouldn’t have to look at his face and I only came downstairs after I’d heard him leave. I still felt the pull of our bond, weakened as it was, but there was nothing he could do to provoke an emotional response in me. Or so I thought.

On one such morning, I came down to the kitchen and found a note next to a bowl of foraged berries on the kitchen table, and I stopped in my tracks. The tears came quickly and violently, and before I knew it, I was clutching my chest, sobbing. That bastard. I knew what the note would say.

Ten days after I’d moved into his pack, Henry went out and killed the biggest bear he could find in the mountain, presenting me with its carcass proudly, as was the custom of the Spruce Mountain pack. As a mating present, the male would kill the largest animal he could find, presenting the female with the meat in order to prove himself a worthy provider, and the furwould later typically be displayed in the couple’s home as a cherished reminder of the early days of their love.

My home pack, however, had different mating customs. Since the wolf already wanted their mate and didn’t have to prove anything, it was the human who had to do the work, and it typically included gathering berries in the forest for the female, and building her a bed with one’s own two hands to prove that you were worthy and consistent.

I’d told Henry about this and he joked that on the fifth anniversary of our mating, he’d do things the Allegheny way, and on the tenth, he’d pick another pack, and then five years later, another one, and through the course of our lives, he would court me in all the ways known to man and wolf. What a fucking joke that had been. Yet today, he’d remembered a day I had forgotten. It was honestly worse that he had.

That night, he came to my bed while I was still awake and turned to face me while I was lying on my back. He slowly slid his hand under my shirt and cupped my breast while kissing the side of my neck. In the past, thanks to the insane love I’d felt for him and the bond that tied us together, that was all it took for me to combust with desire for him.

Yet now I laid there, secretly enjoying the slight tingles I still felt from his touch, but not making a move otherwise. I felt him lift his head and look at me nonplussed, but I kept my eyes on the ceiling. He whispered my name in the dark and tried kissing my lips, which remained firmly pressed together. After two more pathetic minutes of this, he angrily threw the covers open and left the room in a huff, slamming the door shut. I turned around and fell asleep.

The next morning, when I woke up, he was gone, but he mind-linked me mid-morning to tell me my father was here. Another Alpha feature he was blessed with and could use with all packmembers at his discretion. He was the only one who could open the communication channel, and then the pack member he addressed could respond.

In the early years of our mating, he'd made good use of it by dirty talking to me via mind link whenever we were at boring functions together. He liked seeing me blush, he’d said. Now we were down to Gamma Haines is here on official business, he’ll be done by 2, but I was too happy that I had a family member nearby to mourn that fact right then.

“Thank you, tell him to come to the house for lunch when you’re done, please,” I replied.

“Ginny!” My ecstatic father enveloped me with his giant frame in one of the best hugs known to mankind: dad hugs.

“Oh, Daddy, I’m so happy to see you! Why didn’t you bring Mom with you, I haven’t seen you guys in months!”

“Oh, you know, with Freida days away from giving birth, your mother felt it was best if she stayed behind to be there for her.”

“Oh. Okay.”

And there it was. The great Eirwen Davies would not miss out on a chance to vicariously relive her glory days as the princess of the Pembrokeshire pack through her younger daughter, who was mated to the Allegheny’s next Alpha. I hated her for tainting the happiness I felt for my sister and it must have shown on my face.

“Don’t be like that, Ginny. This is a vulnerable time in your sister’s life, she needs all the support she can get.”

“Maybe I could use some support as well, have any of you thought about that?”

My father sighed and ran a hand through his hair, something he did often when I frustrated him as a teenager.

“Look, Ginny, we know things haven’t been easy for you either. Your mother-in-law keeps updating us in her letters -”

“Catherine writes to you?” I was mortified.

“Yeah, your mother corresponds with her regularly. You never write to us anymore!” He said defensively upon seeing my shock. Shifters were still old-school when it came to communication (and many other things) because most electrical devices and appliances bothered our extremely sensitive senses too much. The entire pack had one cell phone, which was kept in a tin box in Henry’s office unless it needed to be used for emergencies, such as funeral announcements or calls to the Royal Court.

“Dad, I – I don’t know what to say. I never wanted to worry you. I’ve been having a hard time, and I couldn’t take mom’s little digs anymore, so I’ve distanced myself a bit for my own peace of mind. And I hate that Catherine has been going around telling my business to everyone behind my back -”

“We’re noteveryone, honey.”

“Dad, it’s my decision what to share, even with you guys. Don’t you think that’s fair?”

“I guess,” he reluctantly conceded. “How are you holding up?”

---