Page 24 of Her Second-Hand Mate

5

July 25, 2021

Dear Nana,

your favorite granddaughter is trying to be smarter this month.

I’ll try to write a little bit every weekend, not only to make sure I don’t leave anything out in my letter but also because I think it will help me process the events of the week better.

You already know that I saw Father when he came to visit Isaac at school last month, and I want to thank you for sending me the cookies and the new dress. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried that night when I opened the box, because your lingering smell on the dress combined with the almond cookie smell felt like a hug from you and these days I often find myself in need of those. I miss you a lot.

I’d hated every second of Father’s visit.

“Where is your mate?” was the first thing out of his mouth. This was the first time he had seen me in almost two months.

“Dominic just got back from a work trip last night and has a lot of work to catch up on. He sends his apologies.”

Dominic sent nothing of the sort. When I told him I was going to see my father, in the hopes that he’d offer to come with me, he’d told me to have fun. I could have asked instead of hoped, but I was afraid he’d say no.

I was in this vulnerable mindset where him saying “no” to lunch would have felt like him saying “no” to spending time with me. I didn't really care about him and Father hanging out, although having a buffer between me and Alpha John Hansen wouldn’t have been bad.

“Isaac here was just telling me that he drove up to visit you last weekend. It’s very fortunate that you live close by. That way he can have a home-cooked meal whenever he feels homesick. I remember what it was like when I was at school,” Father droned on, not noticing the tightness in Isaac’s face or the sorrow on mine.

“Yes, it’s nice that Penelope lives close to me because I love her, and I love being around her,” Isaac drawled as if hoping he’d actually be heard for once, but Father just continued updating him on everything that had happened in the pack in our absence, on how Evie’s studies were going, on the bull he was preparing for the breeding season, and more.

I just sat there and pushed my food around as the decision settled inside me – I would never drive up here for Fatheragain. If he wanted to see me, he was free to come to my pack. I was a fool for having come today, but I did it for Isaac. Judging by the apologetic looks he kept shooting me, he knew that as well as I did.

On the drive back, Hank talked about his newborn grandpup, but not even that could break through my gloomy mood.

???

I was surprised to read that you didn’t enjoy Mr. Whitman’s writing. After how you raved about Thoreau, I’d thought that you’d be enamored byLeaves of Grass.A lot of it is philosophically similar, and I know you usually like poetry. I, on the other hand, enjoyed it very much.

You know that I never liked poetry that rhymes, so maybe that is why I enjoyed Mr. Whitman’s style. I wish I was better at remembering the exact things Prof. Bell said during class, but all that sticks with me are the passages that particularly touched me, and I have no rational explanation to offer you as to the “why” of it all.

Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems,

You shall possess the good of the earth and sun,

(there are millions of suns left,)

I swear I’ve come back to this part at least five times. Something about it feels deep and romantic and like he’s about to combust. I don’t know.

I never dare say these things in class because I’m worried I’ll be laughed at or, worse, made fun of behind my back. I know what you’re going to say:Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter. I know it’s true but it doesn’t change the way I feel. A wolf canknowthat something is true and still behave like they don’t.

You should hear some of these wolves, Nana. They discuss things in such complicated terms and even argue with Professor Bell, who doesn’t mind it! On the contrary, he seems to enjoy it when Lynn starts contradicting him. Sometimes I think he defends a view he isn’t even that passionate about, just to see one of us fighting him on it. It’s never me, though.

???

I’ve been working at the office more and it’s been incredibly rewarding. I normally walk over there in the morning since it’s not far from Dominic’s house, and it helps me settle my thoughts before I start work. It’s going better than I thought it would, so that’s been my incentive to learn and apply myself even more.

More than ever, I appreciate the support of Florence’s friend group, who regularly include me in their lunches and mentor me in a way. Everyone who works at the pack’s administrative building (which is huge, by the way, I almost got lost a few times) is really nice and accommodating.

Everyone but Heather. Every time she saw me, she made a face that reminded me of Isaac’s when he bit into thatgreengage from the fruit basket gifted to us by one of the foreign delegations. She was nothing but respectful whenever we spoke, so I had no concrete reason to dislike her.

Only the fact that your mate is chauffeuring her around, the ugly voice whispered. I chose to ignore it.

The best part of life in this pack is still my classmates. At the beginning of the month, we organized a picnic and a run, so our wolves could spend time with each other. We mostly packed snacks and fruit because we wanted to hunt and eat together later, so it wasn’t like the pack picnics back home, where all the work and preparations took the fun out of the actual outing.

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