Page 86 of Her Second-Hand Mate

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February 2022

Dear Penelope,

I’m the dumbest male alive.

Could someone please explain to me what I’m doing in this disgusting pack? It is as ugly on the outside as it is on the inside. Two weeks into being here, the shock of the trial wore off and I realized what an idiot I’d been. But I’ve given my word and I’ll see this through with David.

My wolf won’t even acknowledge me. He goes for a run or a hunt once in a while, but other that that I’m on his shit list.

Food has no taste. When the work day is done, there is no point in going back to my room because you’re not there. David and I mostly sit around together like the sad sacks we are.

Did you know that Luna Regina is his mate? I now know more about that female than I could ever want to thanks to him, he’s killing me with his whining. But I’m secretly glad that I’m not the only one who’s absolutely miserable.

It’s the anniversary of Cassandra’s death today and I’ve realized that I no longer care about figuring it out. Instead, all I feel is remorse when I think about what I have lost and ruined with my obsession.

Did you know I think of you whenever I see a dandelion? They're everywhere, so I think about you a lot. Some pup gave you a bunch of them on our mating day and you smiled at him real big - it was the first genuine smile you had that day. F?u?

How sad is that? Another male giving you flowers was the thing to make you smile. What the hell was I doing? Being in my head, that’s what. I should have made you my priority.

As much as I resent this pack for their neglect, it’s heartbreaking and unnatural to participate in its destruction. I wish I could bury my nose in your hair at night and take comfort in your closeness, or ask your advice on things.

I hate how we left things. I hate how I left. I hate that I left at all.

I wonder whether you miss me. I wonder what you bake for your sleepovers. I wonder whether you think of me as much as I think of you.

???

March 2022

My lovely mate,

I saw a female pup today, maybe 6 years old, and she reminded me of you. She had huge, chocolate-colored eyes. I briefly wondered if that’s what our daughter would look like.

I liked the idea so much it should have frightened me. Instead, I felt excited and hopeful.

I want to talk to you more than anything. I tried mindlinking you several times, but the distance between us is far too great.

In more ways than one, I guess.

I want to hear your voice, I want to hear what you think about the world around us, about the books you read, about what your grandmother or your cousin said in their last letter. I want you to tell me everything you feel, not share it with me through thebond because it’s natural, but to actually choose to and want to give me a glimpse into your thoughts.

I think you could make even this God-forsaken pack bearable. I bet you’d find something to be excited about or grateful for. Maybe not baker George’s pastries, but something. I’m really struggling.

I’m hungry for everything that you are. I miss you so much it hurts. I’m gonna make things right between us, I promise. I can’t even write any more. I’m just counting down the days until I can come home to you. I love you.

20 - Penelope

“Oh, no, Gabriel!” I sighed in exasperation as my sweet pup grinned his gummy smile like nothing had happened.

Luckily, we were almost at Florence’s, and I could already see her eagerly pacing her porch as she waited for us.

“Hello! There is my favorite pup,” she greeted us with her arms outstretched while I loosened the shoulder straps of the pup carrier. “Oh, looks like someone had a little mishap!”

She was being way too cheerful about my vomit-covered blouse.

“Yeah, he vomited a minute ago. I’m not sure whether it’s because I strapped him in too tightly. This is a new carrier now that he’s too big for the elastic wrap. Or maybe he caught a bug,” I started worrying, but she just pressed her lips against his forehead and firmly declared, “No fever. He’s fine. Probably a one-off.”

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