Page 59 of Midnight Secrets

His expression froze and the shutters of a stranger came down. “You don’t need to know, Angel.”

“I think I do,” I said, setting down my fork. “My entire life I was told that I didn’t need to know. When I heard bangs in the middle of the night, Papa told me it was his mechanic working on the car when it was clearly gunshots. We never need to know, and yet we are the ones who are vulnerable.”

My terror was slowly ebbing into rage against how helpless I’d been last night.

“This is not the life for you, Lucrezia. You deserve a life with a boring fucker who needs a map to find your G-spot because he’s clueless. A life somewhere that no one ever realises who you are or what your connections are. I can’t give you that life.”

He’d said it all along, but the message finally sank in. I didn’t belong with him and he had no intention of changing his world for me to fit into it. I didn’t want to reply because tears threatened to choke me. Instead, I lifted my plate and took it to the kitchen as if I was cleaning up. Darkness coalesced around me and permeated deep into my soul.

No one ever wanted me.

I lifted my phone that was sitting on a table in the hall and slipped my feet into my trainers. My jacket was beside the front door. Running usually cleared my mind, so I zipped up my hooded jacket, pulled the hood over my hair, and ran from my problems.

What hurt the most after realising that I loved him was that he constantly pushed me away. He wanted to have sex with me but that seemed to be all he wanted. It was worse than nothing, because at least with nothing, I would have my self-respect.

My feet pounded the street but my mind ran faster, analysing every conversation we’d had on the phone and in person. Embarrassment burned through me at all the warning signs he’d displayed. I threw myself at him, and what man wouldn’t take what was offered?

This wasn’t Ash’s fault, it was mine. He said all along that nothing could ever happen between us. Self-loathing washed over me. Some men might want me for my money, but he had more than me. I even signed that stupid contract instead of just leaving things. Maybe I could just start all over again under a different name? All my excitement for the upcoming show evaporated.

I stopped in the middle of the park and bent over to rest my hands on my knees. I’d lost track of time and where I was. The ridiculous thing was that I didn’t even know my way back. Defeated, I sat on a bench seat and watched the ducks in a nearby pond. It was twilight and the world continued to turn with people walking past me even as the fake world I had believed was mine crumbled around me.

When my body began to cool, I then pushed myself onto my feet and started to walk with my hands pushed into my pockets. Running had seemed like a good idea a while ago. With darkness settling around me, and the fact that I had no idea where I was, uneasiness crept up my spine.

My phone burned a hole in my pocket, but I refused to dial the one man who could sweep in and save me again. I found myself a small café and I ordered myself a hot chocolate while I phoned Sofia.

“Hey, little sis. You doing okay?” Her voice was the healing balm I needed.

“Yeah, just feeling a bit lost today.”

“Papa said you were in London with Xavier. Are you all shopped out?” In my head I could imagine her smiling when she said that.

“Yeah. It’s probably time to go home. Shopping isn’t the same without you and Catarina with me. How’s Mario?” My sister had been in love with her security detail forever.

“Ugh! I’m so embarrassed, Lucy. I presented myself to him in my underwear and he told me to put some clothes on. I read all the signs wrong and now I can barely look at him.”

I knew exactly how she felt. “Hey, chin up, Sofs. At least you’ve managed to escape.”

“Why don’t you come and visit me in Aberdeen for a while? We could just hang out and watch movies.”

“Maybe I can travel up from London?” It was a better option than running home to Tuscany. “I need to find a career or something to fill my time.”

“You could check out courses while you’re up. Since Papa let me go here, maybe we can convince him to let you go to university?”

I could take a design course and explore whatever talents I might have. “I think I’d like that.” I paused for a moment. “I miss you, Sofia.”

“I miss you too, Lucy. I’ll text Papa and let him know you’re coming to visit.”

“Thanks, I’ll see you soon.” I hung up and stared at my phone. My bags were still in the room I’d never used. It wouldn’t take Francis long to pack them and meet me here. Another hot chocolate later, I sent him a brief text. He was my security detail and would keep my confidence.

Me:Can you grab my bags and collect me? I want to stay in a hotel or Papa’s house tonight.

All the jewellery pieces were finished, so Ash wouldn’t lose any money on his investment. It was time for me to grow up and realise that just because I loved him didn’t mean he had to feel the same.

My phone pinged on the table.

Francis:Where are you? Ash and Jordan are tearing this house apart.

Me:I don’t know. Give me a place to meet you and I’ll find my way there.

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