Page 86 of Midnight Racers

How was I supposed to cope with loving him when he hated me?

I had no idea when or how I managed to fall asleep, but I swam through the layers of consciousness until I began to find my way back to the light. His body moved over mine in the same way he woke me most mornings. Sex was great in all its variations with Flynn, but sleepy morning sex when both of us were languid and relaxed were the best. I ran my fingers through his hair and his lips found mine.

His cock thrust in and dragged out, his hands roaming over my body with a familiarity that made my stomach clench and my legs to widen. Somewhere between sleep and consciousness, pressure began to build and expand deep in my abdomen. I needed his affection, craved it with my next breath.

His lips devoured mine, his tongue sliding against mine as his cock slid in and out in lazy strokes.

I moaned and tilted my pelvis, needing pressure on my g-spot. His hips rolled and I arched my back. Flynn’s lips trailed down my neck, his hand sliding between us so that he could rub little circles of pleasure into my clit.

I gasped, my hands finding his ass to dig my nails into. He thrust harder and my head fell back into the pillows as the first twinge of an orgasm flashed deep in my womb.

Flynn reared back onto his knees, lifting my ass up so that he could plunge hard and fast into me over and over again until we were both panting and he exploded deep inside me as I screamed my release. Our physical connection was there but I was struggling to find our emotional connection, even as Flynn collapsed on top of me, his lips skimming down the side of my throat.

We lay on our backs staring at the ceiling. This was when we normally talked about nothing and everything because I felt close to him. This morning, I struggled to find the words, my body betraying me since it responded so readily to his even as I tried to determine what was happening.

“I have a meeting this morning,” Flynn said, as if everything was perfectly normal. “I’ll drop you at the workshop and head into London. The guys will be there this morning, so you won’t be alone.”

Before it had been for protection, now it felt like they were watching me following Dale’s accusations.

I merely nodded and stood on shaky legs to stumble toward the bathroom. I began to wonder if I had imagined last night when Flynn joined me in the shower the same as he did every morning, his hands roving over my body to create trails of soap bubbles. I automatically did the same with him, as it was part of a routine that my body knew even though my brain was trying to process what had happened the previous evening.

He was feeding Pixie when I walked downstairs after drying my hair. I hadn’t bothered straightening it, leaving it in a mass of curls that I was able to hide behind. My cat circled around his legs, her tail straight up in the air as she rubbed herself against Flynn.

Breakfast was what he cooked best, but I picked my way through it, my head lowered and my stomach in knots. The doomsday clock inside me ticked ominously and I braced myself for the moment he told me I had to go.

Jordan had offered to take me in like the local stray who had no home. He even joked he had a squirrel infestation problem Pixie may be able to help with before Megan slapped his arm and gave him an indignant stare.

“You okay?” Flynn asked, sipping his coffee. “You’re pale this morning.”

I’d been feeling sick lately, but I’d put it down to the excitement leading up to the race. This morning, I was putting it down to waiting for my life to fall apart. I used to always get nervous in the preparation for a race.

“I’m still feeling a little shaky after the confrontation with Dale,” I admitted in a low voice. “He’s still my brother.” And the shit he said hurt more than I cared to admit.

“God gave us our relatives,” Flynn muttered. “Thank God we can choose our friends.”

I picked up my coffee and set it down again as the scent curdled my stomach. “We used to be close when we were growing up. We went to work with Dad and both said we were going to be racing drivers when we grew up.” I shrugged. “Then I discovered that since my testicles are on the inside, driving would never be a reality for me.”

Flynn stared at me for several beats before he bit into his toast and chewed thoughtfully. “Technically, there is no reason why you can’t race. It just goes against the tradition of the sport.”

I nibbled my toast, avoiding the greasy sausage and picking at my bacon. The egg was on my no-eating list as well.

“Do you want to stay at home today?” Flynn asked. “If you’re not feeling well, I can let the guys know.”

“No.” I shook my head. “Sometimes the scent of oil revives me. I’ll take a few migraine tablets.”

What I wanted was to find a quiet corner, curl into a ball, and ponder my life until everything made sense again.

Flynn’s phone pinged. He slid it open and read what was on the screen, his jaw tightening in annoyance. It was yet another barrier I realised stood between us. We were living together but I knew little about him, and that included all the phone calls late at night or the constant messages. I didn’t want to know the contents, but it would be nice to actually know who he was communicating with.

I dragged myself upstairs, one foot at a time, to go and get ready, my hands shaking as I got changed. Flynn was on his phone when I got downstairs.

“Yeah, I promised I’d be there today, so I will be. Don’t worry about it, I’ll sort everything.” His attention snapped to me when I wandered into the room. “Talk to you later.”

I knew I was being suspicious and dramatic, but right now I was spiralling out of control. A few years ago, after the Craig incident, I went to counselling, where I learnt breathing techniques to help prevent the panic attacks that crippled me.

Flynn’s mood was no different than it normally was, and he joked and celebrated with the guys at the warehouse while I disappeared with the excuse of making coffee that I refused to drink. He disappeared about twenty minutes after we arrived, and I sat at my seat in a makeshift office off the main warehouse that I had created for myself and my spare laptop so I could work on designs.

A loud curse sounded from the main workshop and drew my attention. Joshua stood holding his hand with a rag wrapped around it. Blood dripped on the floor.

---