Page 15 of Stronger Than Love

“I didn’t even know I was pregnant until the doctors told me I’d lost it. My life was a mess with nothing making sense. Mum stayed with me to put me back together again.”

Another pair of arms appeared around me, Mum arriving at the right moment as she always did.

“What was I supposed to say to you and your dad?” She took over the story. “A mother keeps her child’s confidence.”

Surrounded by my family, I finally realised my mistake from all those years ago. I’d hidden from my problems, ran from them, and ultimately never dealt with the trauma that came with the loss of Liam from my life and our child. The doctor in me now realised that there is always a risk of pregnancy, but the scared girl had been terrified of his reaction. It was easier to walk away and never look back.

“Is this why you never came home?” Niall asked, his words mumbled by my hair.

One shoulder shrugged. “I just ran and kept running.” How could you explain to your brother that the man he trusted most in the world was the same one who devastated you?

I’ve spent years in love with a memory to find it was nothing more than the stupid dream of a boy…

In a few days I turned thirty and suddenly the need to change my life consumed me. I’d spent ten years believing everything I found with Liam was based on a lie, but his anger had been real. The shock and then the emotion that flared in his eyes said more than a thousand words could.

That afternoon, I helped Mum make her famous cupcakes, consuming more frosting than I piped onto them. I missed this level of normality since I worked with a team in high-level stress situations. For years I’d craved the mindless oblivion of losing myself in surgery.

“We’ve run out of icing sugar,” Mum stated, hunting through her baking cupboard.

“I’ll run down to Mr. Wilson’s shop,” I replied, grabbing my purse and a bag. It reminded me of all the times I’d walked there in my childhood for the items she forgot. Since it was only a five-minute walk, I left her car in the driveway.

Everything felt the same and different at the same time. The lane down to the village from our house still had the wild honeysuckle growing that was alive with the constant hum of busy bumblebees. The brambles that would yield blackberries in autumn grew through the hedgerow. Stopping for a moment, I closed my eyes and inhaled thesweet scent of the flora, nature’s chorus surrounding me while the sun beat down on my face.

This was home and I’d finally found my way back.

The thought shook me to my core. This place had been my foundation and I’d hidden from it, cutting off an essential part of me. The landscape of the village had changed with some modern amenities scattered among the quintessential cottages where people lived from generation to generation.

The new coffee shop that Niall spoke of was in the distance. My feet took me there without any conscious thought or decision. ‘Memories’ sat where Liam’s old cottage once dwelt. Inside the walls were decorated with old black and white photographs of the village. I wandered in because one of the images drew me like a bee to the honeysuckle flowers in the lane. It was a photograph of one of the bonfires we lit on the beach every summer. All the local children sat around, laughing and toasting marshmallows. In the centre of the picture were Liam and me, our heads together as we chatted, oblivious to everyone else around us.

That one picture summarised our entire friendship. We never needed anyone else when we had each other.

“Can I help you?” A waitress approached me. “Table for one?”

“Sorry,” I said with an apologetic smile. “I haven’t been home in a while and these pictures just called to me.”

“The owners picked each one specifically to represent the different aspects of the village. I love this one, especially this couple here. They’re lost in their own world.” She pointed to me and Liam.

“They seem to be,” I replied. “I’ll bring my mum for tea and we can appreciate the photographs together.”

She smiled and waved at me as she returned to the other customers.

They’re lost in their own world…

She was right, we always were, whether it was playing in rockpools or exploring each other’s bodies.

The wind whipped around me, clearing away all the debris that clung to me. For the first time in too long, I started to feel like myself again. The fresh tang of the sea air coated my tongue and infused my soul.

There was activity around the old lighthouse that drew my attention. Vans and men meandered around in yellow vests as I approached to be nosy. The old building near the main road had scaffolding surrounding it. A figure caught my attention. He was stripped to the waist and wielded a large mallet-type instrument, smashing into the concrete covering they put on a well that had been there years before. It was only when someone called him and he stood up, I realised it was Liam.

I thought he was a man that last summer we had together. Holy moly, I was wrong. The vision in front of me now was a man. My eyes hungrily devoured the deltoids and biceps of his shoulders and arms, the bulging pectoral muscles on his chest, and on down to the taut six-pack on his abdomen. Liam obviously worked out or worked hard. He even possessed that V at his hips that made a woman’s mouth water, displayed because his jeans were riding low on his hips.

As if feeling me watching him, he slowly turned to face me. His jaw tightened and his head lowered slightly in the way it used to when he was angry. He snapped at one of the workmen, whose head spun in my direction.

He scuttled over to me. “Sorry, but this is a building site. No members of the public are allowed. Anyone onsite needs to wear regulation safety equipment.”

“He isn’t wearing any,” I pointed out, nodding at Liam’s retreating figure. Muscles spanned his back, the sweat from hard work making them shine under the midday sun. He now possessed the physique you expected to find on portraits or sculptures of Greek gods.

“Mr. Doherty owns the company. He can do what he wants because I’m not arguing with him,” the man said sheepishly, an apologetic grin on his face.

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