Page 28 of Never In My Wildest Dreams

“Maybe, but I’ve never had better eggs. Learning to cook is already on my list, but now, it’s bumped up even higher.”

“What else is on this list?”

She set her fork down. “Besides reinventing my career? I need to figure out where I want to live and buy a new house. I mean, really, everything’s in play.”

Divorce. The husband took the house. Sounded like they were in business together, and he took that, too? Or she chose to walk away. But she didn’t want him to know, so he shut down the speculation. “That’s a lot. You know…” A lot of his clients faced a similar situation. “You might be trying to fix too many problems at once. It could be the reason you’re not ready to get back out there.”

“It does feel overwhelming.”

“Think of all the steps it took to get where you are today. Nothing happens overnight. So maybe, like you said, identify your goal first, then figure out the steps to get there. If you break it down into smaller steps, it might feel less daunting. Why not start with something fun like house hunting? Play around on the real estate sites. See if a state, a town, or a particular house grabs your interest. Don’t worry about a career change or learning how to cook just yet. If money’s not an issue, you can take one thing at a time.”

Her blue eyes sparkled. “I like that idea.”

“Also, another thing that helps is flipping the script. Instead of saying I’m overwhelmed, say I’m excited about my future. Because it’s your story to write. You can do or be anything you want.”

The yearning in her eyes revealed the depth of her struggle.

“I used to be an athlete,” he said. “And I can tell you the single biggest predictor of success is your mindset. Your ability to control your thoughts.”

“But when I’m freaking out, I can’t control them.”

“I know. It’s hard. But again, you break it down into steps. Start by identifying the anxiety. Then, tackle it to the ground. Because it isn’t based on reality. It’s based on fears, on a feeling of powerlessness. Right now, you’re anxious about which direction you want to take. That’s based on fear. When you rephrase it and say, ‘I’m excited about this new direction,’ you feel empowered. And that’s when you can start moving toward your goal.”

“I see that. I really do.”

“Think about a quarterback who’s got nine seconds left in the fourth quarter, is looking for a receiver who’s open, and has four men running at him, determined to knock him on his ass. If he panics, he’s going to find himself at the bottom of a pile. If he’s confident, if he’s looking only for an opportunity, he’s going to win.”

She nodded. “Failure is not an option.”

“That’s right. The only way he can win that game is to screen it all out, stay focused on his goal, and throw the ball exactly how he knows how to do it. And the same thing applies to us. We’re not going to have the success we want until we can control our thoughts.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to begin.”

“It’s a habit. It’s something you practice every day. It’s listening to the voice in your head, and then changing it. Try it.”

“Right now?”

He nodded. “Say it out loud, the thing you tell yourself while you’re brushing your teeth or tearing the cellophane off your gift basket.”

She laughed. “Good one. Okay, well, that’s easy. I have no idea what to do next. I can’t get back out there until I have a game plan.”

“Now, flip it.”

She squeezed her eyes closed, her forehead creased in concentration. “For the first time in my life, I can take the time to try new things and figure out who I am outside of my career. I’m excited about the possibilities.” When she opened her eyes, she had a grin of disbelief. “You know, it kind of worked. I felt this weird shift inside me, like a space opening.”

“It does work. Now, be conscious of it all the time.Youcontrol your thoughts. Don’t let your fears control you.”

“All right. I’ll try it.” Her smile faltered. “Well, wait. See, there, it happened again. That little sting of fear.”

“Okay, what’s the block?”

“I’ve only ever done one thing. What if I’m not good at anything else?”

“That’s a fear-loaded question. And it’s limiting you to one possible outcome. When you tell yourself you’re not good at anything else, you shut the door to your own potential. The truth is you can apply the skills that make you good in your field to any number of things. When you focus on the negative, you’re living in fear. And that paralyzes you.”

“It does. I see that.”

“So, ask yourself what else you might be good at. Think in terms of possibilities, of hope, instead of doom.”

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