Page 93 of Never In My Wildest Dreams

This piece of paper didn’t erase the countless nights she’d spent going over every detail of what she’d said, what she’d done, to drive him away. Imagining him thinking the worst of her.

She’s a grown woman—why’s she hiding in my cabin?

What’s wrong with her that she can’t get her shit together?

She can’t even grate cheese.

It didn’t take away the doubts and fears she’d lived with for two years as a single mom.

She reread the note, forcing her chaotic mind to concentrate, to pay attention. And when she got to his phone number, she had to read it three times before it sank in.

A ten-digit bridge.

To ask the questions.

To tell him about Stevie.

To not have been so painfully alone.

My God.

He hadn’t callously, carelessly walked away.

She sucked in a sharp breath. “This would’ve changed everything.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry you went through it all alone. I’m sorry you thought I didn’t care about our time together.” He sounded almost desperate. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to help you.”

Hearing those words… In some small way, they helped soothe the parts of her still abraded by fears and anxiety. She pressed the note to her chest. She’d had to be strong for so long. She hadn’t been allowed to fall apart. Since having a baby, she’d made all the decisions herself. Sure, she had family, and yes, they were amazing, but she’d had to decide how to discipline, what her child should eat, how to handle the crying at night. The weight of those decisions rested solely on her shoulders.

But he’d left hisphone number.

He’d left the door open.

As if seeking more treasure, she read the note again. “If you need me for anything…?”

“Condoms are only eighty-seven-percent effective.” He had a tortured look in his eyes.

Heknew. He got the significance of this situation, and she had to give him credit for that. He could’ve used the note as a pass. He could’ve turned defensive.

Hey, man.I tried.

It’s not my fault.

Instead, he’d apologized. She appreciated that so much. One thing, though, didn’t make sense. “How did you wind up with this if you left it for me?”

“I came back to the cabin a few months later?—”

“You did? You said you rarely went there.”Were you looking for me?

He had a stark look in his eyes. He swallowed. And then, he said, “I signed Ginty to the Renegades, so I’ve had to spend more time out here.”

“And?” She sounded demanding, but she didn’t want to guess anymore. She didn’t want to wonder. She needed the bare truth. “Were you looking for me?”

“Yes,” he whispered. But then, he turned to humor. “I was curious to see if you’d finally gotten your shit together.”

She shook her head. “Say it. Trust me, I deserve to hear you say it.”

He understood, she could see it in his eyes. “I hoped you’d still be there.”

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