Page 101 of When You Were Mine

Something shifted inside him, a clearing that enabled him to see his past from a new perspective.

Yeah.Me, too.

“And I can’t even imagine what it was like for you,” she continued. “When they didn’t go to your football games, you got the message you didn’t matter. When they fed you tomatoes and bread, what else did you hear but you weren’t important? Forget that they didn’t read to you or buy you toys. Trevor, they didn’t meet your basic needs by feeding and clothing you.” She grew impassioned. “They neglected you. There’s just no other way to say it.”

“I think you’re right, but it was confusing. Because they painted a different picture.” It was like glancing into a mirror as you walked past, only to see a different image than what you expected. “They believed they were doing the righteous thing. Like you said, godly.”

His parents were hardworking people. They were honest, moral people.

They worked the land.

They went to church.

Did they smile much? No. There was no joking around in their house.

They never set down their hoes to come to his graduation.

But that was normal for farmers. Or so he’d been led to believe.

He just hadn’t seen it as neglect.

“You know, I don’t think I understood until just now that taking the job in Scotland was how you showed your love.”

His fork clattered on the table. “Are you serious? I said it at the time. I said, ‘I have to do this for us.’”

“I know, I know. But remember, I had an entirely different perspective.”

“Jesus, Elz. You knew how bad it was. My mom wouldn’t buy her medication because they had to pay the farmhands first.”

“I know. I just had a different understanding of love. How to show it.”

“I can’t tell you how many nights I’d wake up and check for the light under my door. It meant my dad was at the kitchen table again with his books and his pencil, trying to figure out what to do with the pennies in his bank account. In a good year, he had to pay off debt. He could never get ahead. Do you understand what I’m saying? My parents were never going to get ahead. They were going to stay in that cycle until they died.”

“I knew it wasn’t a great childhood, but I don’t think I understood how bad it was for you.”

“Of course you didn’t. Because I washappywhen I was with you. I was fucking miserable when I was at home. And scared.”

“Scared?”

He shrugged. “The loneliness, the quiet… It wasn’t a good feeling.”

“That’s probably why our bond was so strong. Because I was lost and scared without my mom, and you were lost and scared in a house with parents who ignored you.”

Bullshit.“Our bond was strong because you’re in here, Elzy.” He smacked his chest. “You know it because you feel it too. You’re just scared to trust it. And that’s on me. I did that, but I will spend the rest of my life proving myself. I know what it’s like to live without you, and I’ll never make that mistake again.”

He saw the exact moment it happened. The softening in her eyes, the ease in her shoulders. She’d let down her guard.

And he was going to swoop the fuck in. “You want to know why I never dated anyone seriously? Because I never stopped waiting for you. I knew I’d find you again. I had to. Nothing else made sense. Have you ever lost anything so important you can’t stop looking? You toss the whole house, search the car… You just can’t let it go? It turns into this frantic feeling of loss?”

“Yes. I know exactly what that feels like.”

“That’s what I’ve lived with for thirty years.”

“I know.” She sounded resigned, like she hated to admit that she did too.

“But we did it, Elz.” His chair scraped back, and he stood up. “We made it back to each other.” He came closer, crouching at her side. “Tell me you feel this too.” He placed her hand over his thundering heart. “It’s not just me?”

“Yes, of course I do. How could I not?” She let it rest there for a moment before pulling it away. “But it’s different for me. I had to mourn you. I had to learn to live without you. I had to let go.”

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