Page 45 of When You Were Mine

“I like Joel. We have fun together.” When they’d started dating, she was in the permitting stage and hadn’t broken ground yet, and he was still a partner in a law firm. They’d both worked crazy hours. Then, six months ago, he retired. With his first taste of freedom in years, he’d wanted to play. Bad timing, since she’d been hiring and ordering supplies. “I think we just need different things.”

“You’re not hurt that he blew you off for Christmas?”

“Oh, I am.” She gave a bitter laugh. “But I haven’t made him a priority, so how can I fault him for not making me one?”

“That’s a fair point. And sad that you’ve spent a year with a guy, and you’re nothing more than pals.”

“Please, Amber. Don’t hold back. Tell me what you really think.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Is now the time you need me to soap your ass?”

“No.” Jess laughed. “It’s not. And you know what I keep remembering? After he told me he was leaving, I didn’t argue. I didn’t yell. I just let him go to California without me.”

“Which is the same thing you did with Trevor.”

A memory dropped into her mind. She was jammed into the utility room—a bar of light underneath the door, the smell of ammonia from the cleaning products—and listening to Trevor’s voice when he’d come looking for her on a break from filming.

She could’ve confronted him, yelled at him.

Instead, she’d hidden. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“I do.”

“Fine. I was a coward. You can say it.” Uncomfortable, she crossed an arm over her stomach.

“Nope. You’re the bravest woman I know.”

“So, what, I’m stubborn?” Jess asked. “A big, dumb cow?”

“I mean, yeah. Maybe not the cow part, but you’re stubborn as all get-out. That’s a good quality, though, because it meant you never gave up on me, and it helped build a very successful business.”

“Okay, then what?” Jess asked. “Just go on and say it.”

“Do you remember Miss Martha?”

“Uh, she brought her pet chicken every time she came into the store. That’s not a lady you forget. What about her? Don’t tell me she talked about me?”

“Everyone talked about you. When Trevor came back to town to get you?—”

Get you.The very idea drove a stake through her heart.

Because, if she hadn’t been so immature, would they have been together all this time? It was unbearable to even consider it.

“He was not quiet about it,” Amber continued. “And neither were you with the way you kept hiding from him. It was like watching the worst reality TV show play out in our little town.”

“Are you serious? Everyone knew? I thought I was so discreet.”

“Yeah, it was super discreet when you wedged yourself behind the diner’s dumpster. Honey, everyone saw. Anyhow, she said when Mom died, you fell apart. You were crying your eyes out, just inconsolable. And she thinks it made you feel so powerless over loss that you just shut down. You learned you can’t make people stay.”

You can’t make people stay.

She let the words sink in. “I was eight when she died, so I don’t remember a lot of that, but I do know the powerlessness I felt when Trevor left. I was…devastated.”

“I know.”

“I thought I was doing such a good job of pretending.”

“Sweetie, I lived under the same roof. You think I didn’t hear you crying at night after we all went to bed? I think the biggest reason I got my shit together was because I felt so bad for you.” Amber drew in a breath. “But you’re not powerless, and he’s right there. So, it would be a real shame if you didn’t talk to him. He’s in Iceland, for God’s sake. He’s there for a reason.”

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