“More than anything.” She regretted the words the moment they came out of her mouth, but being around him threw her back to the girl she used to be.
Honest, blunt.
Reckless and impulsive.
“Okay.” He gave a curt nod. “I borrowed money to come home after the first film wrapped. When you wouldn’t talk to me, it broke me. I only had a few days before I had to get back on set, and I was out of my mind. Ineededto talk to you, Elz. I had to make things right. Living without you was unbearable.”
She wished she’d been mature enough to talk to him back then.
But she hadn’t been.
“I thought if I could give you back the eighteen hundred dollars, you’d see I was doing this for us. For our future. But you refused to see me so, the minute I got back to Scotland, I took a job in a bar. The cast was still living in a guesthouse at that point, so I had to sneak out, but I did it. About a week in, I got hammered.”
“You don’t even drink.”
“I know. But you’d blown me off. I didn’t know if you’devertalk to me. I couldn’t…” He let out a huff of breath, pain ravaging his handsome features. “I was in agony, Elz.” With a shake of his head, he got back on track. “Anyhow, these women came in for a hen night.”
“A what?”
“A bachelorette party. They recognized me from the set. It’s a tiny town, so it wasn’t a big surprise. I don’t know how I thought I’d get away with working there. They were all having a great time, flirting with me like crazy, but I wasn’t interested. This one woman didn’t want to party, so she hung out at the bar, and we started talking. I told her my story, and she said I was an absolute fool for putting money over love.”
You were.
“She told me eighteen months was too long, and that I should quit filming and go back home. I couldn’t stand it, the pain of knowing I’d made a fatal mistake, that I might’ve lost you for good, so I took a shot, and it dulled the ache. And then, I started pounding them. I got obliterated. And somehow, during that night, I had sex with her.”
Hearing it was like a fist punch to the heart. “That’s my point. You had a girlfriend eighteen months after we broke up.”
“No. I never saw her again. I don’t even remember hooking up with her.”
It didn’t relieve the ache, not one bit. Because he’d still touched another woman. He’d still made a baby with her. “Okay, but you didn’t quit filming, and you didn’t come back to me.”
“Oh, but I planned on it. First, I had to finish out my contract. After that second film, I was going to quit and come home to you. In fact, my suitcase was packed, and I had my boarding ticket in my hand. I was walking out the door to head to the airport when I got a call from my agent. A man claimed his wife had slept with me and had my baby. They’d planned on raising the kid as their own, but since she died, he didn’t want it.”
“It?He didn’t wantit?That boy was his son.”
“Believe me, I know. In any event, I had to stay and take the DNA test.”
“Of course.”
“And that’s how I found out I had a son.”
“You never saw her again after that night? She didn’t come back to see you?”
“Never saw her again. Didn’t know she was married.” He sighed. “Barely remember the night.”
“Well, I don’t know what to say.” He’d altered their history, and it was disorienting. Because one slight shift readjusted the entire picture. One tug unraveled a fabric of emotions she’d stitched together over three decades.
He must’ve seen it in her eyes because he grew excited. “We have so much more to talk about. I know you’re busy, but what about tonight? After dinner? Can we sit down and talk?”
“I just don’t see the point. Trevor, stirring up all these memories?—”
“But they’re not memories. We’re clearing up the stories we’ve told ourselves to make sense of things. Now, we can get to the truth.”
“Okay, but then what?” she asked. “You’re still getting married.”
“Elz.” The pleading in his eyes confused her. He had something he wanted to say.
What? What is he not telling me?