Page 67 of When You Were Mine

Is Darby his Joel?

The thought sped through her like a bullet, shock waves splintering every molecule in her body.

Because it opened the door to possibility, and that was as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

The past two days with Trevor only confirmed the obvious. She and Joel didn’t have chemistry. She liked him. Joel was a good, decent man, but he didn’t provoke her, challenge her, excite her… His touch didn’t set her on fire.

He wasn’t Trevor.

Damn, if he hadn’t shut her out of his holiday trip, if she hadn’t had this distance, she might not have seen the weak foundation of their relationship. How many times had she reminded herself to call or text her fiancé? And still, she hadn’t done it. Neither had he. She could chalk it up to them both being busy, but the truth was…she didn’t miss him.

Of course, she was preoccupied with Trevor.

Even more so now that she understood his engagement wasn’t a love match. She had no doubt about that.

“You know what you want?” Trevor’s voice busted through her thoughts, returning her to the moment.

She tuned into the Christmas music and lively chatter and breathed in the smell of roasted meat and warm bread. “I have no idea.” She scanned the menu. “What looks good to you?”

“I’m getting the sushi festival.” He wore a beanie and scarf, thinking no one would recognize him.

And, sure, maybe they wouldn’t know it was Trevor Montgomery, the movie star, but they’d still take a second look. They’d stare. Because he was dashing. Those blue eyes set against tan skin and dark hair, that expressive mouth…

God, the way he used to kiss her. From her earlobes down to the soles of her feet, those lips had traveled every inch of her.

Rattled at the direction of her thoughts, she said, “I’d expect nothing less.” Which made no sense whatsoever.

“Oh yeah? How’s that?” he asked with a lift of an eyebrow.

“You lead a glamorous life.” She scrambled to force the words coming out of her mouth to make sense. “You go to galas, travel the world. Your life’s one big festival.”You really need to stop talking.

“I think, if you’re only looking at photos of me at the Oscars and screenings, you could get that impression.”

“But in reality?”

He nodded as if willing to give her a peek behind the curtain. “In reality, I spent thirty years away from my other half, and it was the loneliest goddamn experience you could ever imagine.”

His fervent tone, the fire in his eyes, snatched her up in his thrall.

I can imagine it because I lived it.

Knowing he did, too… She wanted more.

She wanted this window into his soul.

“I spent twenty-eight years phoning it in with my son. Mychild. I’m trying to make it up to him, but without the foundation, it’s hard. It sucks. I focused on things that didn’t matter to me and lost the only things that do. And to be honest, I don’t know how to fix anything. But I’ll sure as fuck die trying.”

Her heart pounded. Her palms went clammy. She loosened the scarf around her neck and pulled at the top of her sweater. She was listening with her whole body.

Because he wasn’t the happy-go-lucky movie star who laughed when people looked up his skirt. He was a human being who suffered guilt and was tortured by his failures.

It was humanizing, and it was heartbreaking.

“What a waste of a life.” He yanked off his beanie and scraped his fingers through his hair, scraping it back from his forehead. “Everyone else on the set loved making movies. For them, it was their passion. For me, it was a means to an end.” He jammed the beanie back on. “I’ve only ever fit in one place, and I lost that. I lostyou. And yes, you can say it was my choice, but I believed I was doing the right thing. So, fuck the money, fuck the glamour, fuck the magazine covers. None of it matters because I lost you.” He shoved his chair back and got up so quickly the water glasses shook. “And the worst part is knowing it’s entirely my fault.” He balled up his napkin and tossed it on his chair. “Excuse me.” He had to move around the server who’d just shown up to take their order.

“Uh, should I come back?” the young man asked in his distinctively Nordic accent.

Distracted, she forced a smile. “That might be best.” Everything in her screamed to follow Trevor. Be with him. She got up. “Excuse me.” She hurried across the crowded restaurant.

---