Page 34 of King of Hearts

When he’d moved to check the baby’s heartbeat, and I asked if I could record it, he shut me down so fast with a sharp denial and a scoff…almost making fun of me. He educated me on how that was illegal, then proceeded to talk down to me about the weight I wasn’t gaining and how I needed to start taking this pregnancy more seriously. It was a downward spiral from there as I considered again that I was a terrible choice for a mother for this baby. I wouldn’t be able to protect her from my father, or from Markos.

The reminder that my life didn’t belong to me came in as swift as a turbulent thunderstorm. I could get as excited as I wanted, but it would never matter because I was owed to a monster, and it was only a matter of time before he came to collect.

“Well, that’s okay…and one last thing.” She eyed my belly and the way the material scrunched up, showing my skin. “You might want to start wearing maternity clothes, not that I’m judging…but you mentioned not knowing where to start, so I thought maybe you weren’t sure about that part either.”

I blinked, a little overwhelmed that she’d had to point out that I needed to wear maternity clothes. She was right, and no, I didn’t know where to start.

“Right over there, they have pants that you don’t have to button or zip, shirts that cover your belly, and all sorts of things.” She smiled once more, and then she was gone.

I spun on my heel and smiled, despite the cloud hanging over my head. I had learned to enjoy the breaks in the clouds, however few and far between the gaps were.

* * *

I endedup going back to the store every day for a week, each day picking up something else on my list. I had read so many new mommy blogs and posts and links, so many pins and TikToks that I truly felt empowered. I knew what a nursing bra was and that I would need one, and a pump…I knew about storing breast milk, and nipple sensitivity.

I had purchased a ton of maternity clothes too and found out from some of the blogs that there were things called belly bands and tanks that helped and went with outfits. There was so much, and my head was still swirling with all the things I’d learned.

Walking with my hoard of purchases, I didn’t expect to run into Juan on my way up to my room.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing my elbows to stabilize me.

“Hey,” I replied, my arms full.

He let me go, and I ambled past him. He’d been scarce the past week…more than scarce, he hadn’t even been home as far as I could tell. Our movie nights were effectively ruined, because I’d ruined them. So, at night, I went down by myself and watched the massive television with all the lights on in the room, because I was afraid of being alone.

I hated it.

I read books to my baby and made homemade face masks and hair masks, but in the end I was still alone, and Juan still wasn’t home.

I hated that I was bitter about it, but I understood.

“Looks like you bought the whole store.” He lightly laughed, trailing me into my room. I had no idea if he noticed that there was a slow buildup of items in my room or not, but again, he hadn’t been home.

“Just getting a few things for the baby.” Or my mom had…it was her credit card I used because she told me to. I could be noble and deny their money for myself, but I was a sucker when it came to my baby.

Juan leaned against the door frame, his black dress pants pressed and paired nicely with his white dress shirt.

“Well here’s one more thing you can add to the list.” He slid a white box into one of my bags, wearing a sheepish smile.

I watched as he took a step back, like it was no big deal that he had just purchased something for my baby. My heart skipped a thousand beats, like it was about to burst.

I blinked.

“Thank you…here, I want to open it.” I shuffled a few steps so I could set the bags down.

“I have to head out, it’s no big deal…” he hedged, but there was no way he was getting out of me opening it in front of him. The fact that he was leaving again scratched at my lungs, like I wanted to sob for him to please stay with me. I was sick of being alone, but I wouldn’t.

I had no idea where he was going, but with his dark skin and that raven hair…it was an effort not to jump him. My hormones were going crazy, and the attraction I had to him was becoming impossible to handle. It was probably a good thing that he had put space between us, because that night things had gone way too far…it hadn’t been until he mentioned the baby the other night that I realized he had pictured having sex with me, with current pregnant me and not future non-pregnant me. For whatever reason, this banter we had, this flirtation…I thought it was just a game, a buildup for when I wasn’t pregnant anymore. No guy would just fuck a pregnant girl unless they cared about them, right?

So, I freaked out.

It was a lot to take in at once, and of course images of him fisting my hair and fucking me from behind were on repeat in my head for days.

I began digging through the bag he’d slid the gift into.

“So, find out the gender yet?” he asked, walking closer.

My heart froze, that feeling of panic surging to the surface. I wanted to, especially after my talk with Fatima in the store—I’d learned her name and ran into her three times since our first meeting. She told me she’d been asking for the baby section more often in hopes she’d see me. I felt like I’d made a friend, and with Mal gone, it was nice, even if I did have to splurge on spending money just to see her. I supposed I could maybe ask for her number…maybe.

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