Page 58 of King of Hearts

Juan sat next to me on the edge of the chair. “You’re shaking.”

“I don’t know what’s normal.” My voice shook as I tried to calm down, blinking away tears.

Juan slowly unbuttoned my shorts and splayed the denim open, revealing the top band of my underwear.

“You know, most women probably want to kill you for not having to wear maternity shorts. These cutoffs look like sin on you…it’s not fair that you’re about to give birth and can still fit in them.”

I laughed, trying to relax into the chair. “I haven’t indulged in a single craving, so I think it’s plenty fair.”

His eyes met mine while he slowly tucked the rag into the band of my underwear, flipping it so it protected the opening of my shorts. The tech wouldn’t be able to see anything except the cloth.

Juan’s lips pursed, his brows caving as he spoke softly. “I know I’ve said some pretty shitty things to you in the past…I know I can be an asshole occasionally, but there’s no one on this earth that sees you the way I do.”

I sniffed, letting the tears I had been holding back fall free.

“I see you fight and get bruises in places no one can see. You stand when everyone else around you falls. You love when everyone has given you a reason to hate. You have a beautiful heart, preciosa, and I’m doing my best to help you see it. But this whole thing with the doctor…it’s heavy as fuck, and I would really like it if you left it in this room so we can enjoy what comes up on that screen.”

I nodded, swiping at my face.

He wiped my hair out of my eyes and then raised my shirt up, tucking it under my bra line so my chest was covered, only showing my stomach.

After giving me one last look, he went and called the technician in.

The ultrasound tech reclaimed his position on the rolling stool and then began to set things up.

The sonographer made a sound of approval. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Warm gel squirted in an undignified way along my abdomen, followed by the pressure from the transducer being pressed into my skin.

Immediately the screens hanging on the far wall came alive with flashes of white against a black screen.

“Okay, let’s see where baby is hanging out.” The transducer wand moved over my stomach and then pressed pointedly into one specific area, revealing the baby’s head and face on the screen. The tech paused, drawing boxes around the head and typing away on his computer. “Here, you can see the lips and nose.”

Tears fell freely as I saw my child blink and bring their thumb up to their mouth.

“That’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Juan said in awe.

I turned to see his expression, and seeing tears line his eyes shifted the glacier in my chest, melting it entirely.

The sonographer moved on to the feet and hands, shoulders, and rib cage taking care to zoom in on the heart. The little fluttering valve was the most insane thing to witness.

When the wand moved and we had a view in between the legs, I held my breath.

The tech made a humming sound before letting out a sigh. “Looks like a healthy baby girl.”

I half laughed, half sobbed, so excited and happy I was sure I’d burst. I looked over in time to see Juan was already smirking, shaking his head.

“Of course it’s a girl,” he joked.

The sonographer smiled. “You sound like that might be a little bit of a handful.”

Juan leaned over, kissing my nose. “If she looks anything like her mom, I’m going to have my hands full.”

My heart cracked. It had been chipping in little pieces from the moment Juan first kissed me in the spring. Unlike every other guy in my life, my walls didn’t keep him out, and now he’d claimed me in a way that would never make sense…it was fake, but the way my heart had just split in half for this man felt as real as ever.

Pictures printed from the machine, and suddenly the appointment was over. The technician began to pull out the rag that had been tucked into my jeans, but Juan stopped him.

“I got it from here. Thanks.”

---