Page 109 of Don't Leave Me

Emily was by my side only seconds later with a big smile on her face.

“It looks like that went well,” she sat down next to me closely.

I gave her my biggest fake smile. I couldn’t handle any more of this.

“Yeah, it did.”

She believed me somehow. “Good,” she tilted her head at me.

I looked over at the clock above the nurse’s station. “I should get going to work. I can’t even remember the last time I actually worked,” I laughed to Emily.

Emily giggled. “Okay. I get a couple phone calls. I’ll call you later and let you know when I can get out of here,” she explained.

I nodded in agreement. “Okay, good,” we stood up and wrapped our arms around each other.

“Thanks for visiting me, Han,” she called out as I started to walk away.

“I love you,” I put my hand to my chest and then walked to the nurse’s station.

As soon as they buzzed me out, I broke down in tears. I put my sunglasses on and silently cried as I got on the elevator, my stomach and heart in knots.

* * *

I walked into work feeling so out of place.Work? It seems so trivial and insignificant compared to what’s been going on in my life.Honestly, the only reason I showed up was to see Michael. I didn’t even care to look around at anyone in the office – I knew that they were staring so why even bother acknowledging them? I immediately knocked on Michael’s office door and then quickly walked in, finding Michael sitting at his desk on his laptop, looking intensely at his screen before looking up at me.

“How was it?” he asked, his focus now entirely on me.

I closed the door behind me and leaned against it, shaking my head.

“Emily seems fine. Jack was in there too,” I quickly glanced at Michael. “He came over and we talked and he basically gave me no choice but to tell him I’d be his friend. I’m afraid he’s going to kill himself if I’m not,” I cried out, already in defensive mode.

“Oh fucking hell, Hana,” Michael sighed, standing up.

“I feel responsible for him spiraling so far down!” I put my hands up, pacing the room.

“You’re not, Hana! He’s manipulating you to get what he wants,” he raised his voice, leaning against his desk and watching me.

I sighed and sat on the couch, trying to calm myself down.

“What am I supposed to do, Michael? Tell me what to do because I don’t know what to do,” I felt tears welding up in my eyes.

I heard Michael sigh again before he came and sat down next to me, putting his hand on my thigh.

“We’ll deal with it when the time comes, alright?” he assured me softly.

I looked over at Michael’s beautiful, concerned face and nodded.

“I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to work here anymore,” I blurted out – I already knew this, but I couldn’t believe that I was actually admitting it out loud.

Michael looked completely surprised. “Why?”

I shrugged. “Everyone here hates me. I’d rather be writing things I want to write about. I’d rather be doing more productive things with my time. I can support myself without a job,” I explained quickly.

Michael just nodded, as if he understood.

“This is a big decision to make, Hana. Have you given a lot of thought to this?”

He knew I had been hypomanic lately – and not just that, but I had been going through a lot of big life changes, so he was right to ask me that.

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