Page 134 of Don't Leave Me

I gave him another smile and nodded, then slowly got up and wobbly walked to the bathroom. I must have been tied there only for a few hours, but it felt like days. My bare feet were cold on the hardwood floors as I navigated myself, all too aware that Jack was still watching me carefully.

I flicked the bathroom light on and immediately saw my reflection in the mirror. My wavy hair draped past my shoulders and my eyes were wide, scared, with obvious dark circles underneath them. If I had any makeup on before, it was surely washed away from my tears. I went to close the door behind me, but then I realized there was no door. I turned around quickly and Jack sat on the couch, watching me.

“I have to make sure I can trust you, Han. I need to be able to see you at all times,” he called out to me.

I was about to protest, to tell him that I needed some sort of privacy and that he was belittling me and degrading me, but I stopped myself. I only nodded and then proceeded to use the toilet.He’s seen me naked before – what’s the harm in him watching me pee?I kept repeating to myself. I sighed as I emptied my bladder, putting my hands in my face and trying to hold on to the little strength that I had left.

After I finished and washed my hands, I walked out in the loft and watched Jack as he took out jelly from the fridge. He reached in the pantry and pulled out bread and peanut butter, then proceeded to make us a sandwich.

“So tell me, Hana,” Jack started as I sat on the stool in front of the kitchen island, watching him prepare our gourmet dinner. “What was this dominant/submissive thing Emily was talking about?”

I blinked. “May I have some water first, please?”

“Of course,” Jack smiled, then grabbed a plastic cup from a cabinet and filled it with water from the tap.

He carefully handed me the water and, I’m sure purposefully, grazed his fingers with mine as I took it from him. I smiled before I gulped it down.

“It started out purely sexual, the dominant/submissive thing,” I started, carefully choosing my words. I could see Jack intently listening as I stared down at the counter.

“He would dominate me in the bedroom. He would tie me up, spank me, flog me, paddle me, tease me,” I went on, looking up at Jack through my lashes. “I enjoyed it immensely,” I said shyly.

Jack gave me a crooked smile, flashing his dimples. “My naughty Hana,” he teased quietly.

I smiled back quickly, then went on. “But soon enough, he started to get more controlling. He would punish me if I did something he didn’t like. He would take things away from me – my phone, my laptop. He would deny me of sex. He wouldn’t let me see my friends without his permission,” I raised my eyebrows at him. “Those things I dealt with, but I didn’t want. I think I just…I wanted him so badly that I would do whatever he said. And then…I just got used to it. I didn’t know any other way,” I explained.

Of course, most of those things were true. He could have punished me in other ways but I would have liked them. And of course, it was all consensual. And I did like it, and I did want it. I didn’t want to live any other way. I wanted my Michael back so badly. But I had to spin it around, make it seem like I started to believe he was wrong for me. Make Jack believe that what Emily said to me had changed my mind about him.

“Hana, I don’t believe you,” I heard Jack finally say after a beat.

I looked up at him, already feeling defeated.

“I believe that’s how your relationship was, but I don’t believe that’s not what you wanted. You’re not giving me all of the details. You wouldn’t have stayed if you didn’t want that kind of relationship,” he observed, the pb&j’s still in front of him. “Don’t try to trick me, Hana. I’m as smart as you…I can see what you’re trying to do,” he went on. “I know that you liked to be bossed around. I know that it turns you on,” his hands rested atop the counter. “And I intend to show you what it’s like to be with a real man, show you what it’s like to really be bossed around and have you like it,” he smiled, his eyes dark and narrowed again.

My breathing sped up. I was terrified, yet again. I only nodded, rendered speechless.

“Now, eat,” he ordered, sliding the sandwich to me.

I did exactly as he said.

* * *

After I ate in silence, I watched Jack as he took his shirt off and tossed it to the side of the room where the bed was. He really had been working out; his arms, shoulders and abs were toner than the last time I had seen him shirtless. He was still undeniable attractive, and I wondered when the inevitable was coming: he was going to want to have sex with me. I wasn’t sure if he wanted me to want it or not. I thought I was going to be able to outsmart him, but he could see right through me. Now I had no plan.

“Are you really going to let me see Emily this week?” I asked, watching him as he walked towards the bed.

I don’t know if I was trying to change the subject or not – I was scared that he was going to order me to the bed with him.

“Of course. It’s your first test, to see if I can trust you or not,” he smiled at me, tidying up the comforter on the bed.

I started to panic a little. “I need to shower. I haven’t showered since yesterday,” I stood up, changing the subject yet again.Was he going to watch me shower too?

“Great idea. I need a shower as well. I’ll join you,” he started to unzip his jeans.

My heart sped up as I watched him.

“I can’t shower alone, then you’d be able to roam around freely, and I can’t have that yet,” he smirked at me, now only in his boxer briefs. “And don’t look at me like that. We’ve seen each other naked before, if I remember correctly.”

I mentally kicked myself for feeling a twinge of excitement deep in my lower belly.How fucked up am I that I’m excited about being naked next to this man that just kidnapped me? Albeit very attractive man…still, Hana! You must really be fucked up.

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