Page 176 of Don't Leave Me

“I know. I’m a mess, Billie. I just can’t believe she got fucking married. She was supposed to be marry me, for fuck’s sake. We were going to spend the rest of our lives together,” he exhaled, his voice cracking.

“I will get to the bottom of this, Michael. I promise. For you and for Hana,” I said confidently. “Take care of yourself in the mean time, okay?”

There was a pause. Perhaps he was becoming hopeful like me. “Okay,” he said quietly and hung up.

* * *

HANA.

The night time revealed to be even more beautiful in our temporary lake home. There were lights on a path of stairs that led down to the lake and small white lights lined the roof of the outdoor enclosed patio. For once in this crazy reality that was now my life, I started to feel okay. Jack was treating me nicely, we were in a beautiful lake house upstate, and even though the dull, heartbroken pain deep in my chest was still there, I was starting to be able to suppress it, to distract myself with Jack’s dimples or with the look he gave me every time we fucked, which was often. For as much as he terrified me before, I hadn’t seen that part of him in a while, and he was mostly the old Jack now, the one that I knew and loved. We sat lounging and reading next to each other on the sofa in front of the lit fireplace, my idea of time long gone – it could have very well been 3 in the morning for all I knew. Jack had his book in his lap and glanced up at me when he realized I looked up from mine.

“What is it, sweetheart?” he observed me.

I looked over at him, his face content and curious.

“What’s the plan for our lives? Are we going to live in the city forever? Have children there? Spend our days painting and writing and never leave our house?”

My mind was drifting – for the last few weeks, all I thought about was the present, or painfully, the past. But I never really thought that far into future and what that would mean.

Jack raised his eyebrows at me. “Do youwantto stay in the city and have children?”

I looked over into the fireplace. I did, but with Michael.But that can’t happen anymore, I quickly yelled at myself internally.

“I just want to know what your plan was when…when this all started,” I said quietly, trying to choose my words carefully.

Jack raised his eyebrows at me again, almost amused.

“My plan was to convince you of the truth - that you and I were supposed to be together. I didn’t much get past that part, Hana. I thought it would be much more difficult, to be quite honest,” he explained with a smile, sitting up a little bit.

I gulped. Was I reallythateasy?

“What was your plan if I were more difficult?” I poked further, my curiosity at its peak.

Jack’s eyes went a little dark. He stared at me for a moment before he spoke.

“I don’t want to get into the what-ifs, Hana. I think you’re starting to think fondly of me now and I don’t want that to change,” he muttered, scary Jack poking his head out for a split second.

I nodded. He was right. Why get all the unpleasant details when things were going just fine?

“Now come here,” he rested his back against the sofa again and patted his chest, signaling for me to cuddle with him.

I did as he said and laid my body against his, resting my head on his chest and settling my arm on his stomach.

“This is supposed to be a happy time for us, sweetheart. We’re married now. Why don’t we plan our reception party, hm? Where would you like it to be at?” my sweet Jack was back as he rubbed his hand up and down my back.

I didn’t want it to be at the loft. I felt guilty at the loft - the place where Jack had broken me, where he had seduced me all those nights and where I enjoyed myself followed by tremendous guilt. I didn’t want everyone I cared about to be gathered at the place where this all started.

“How about the Bowery? They’ve got a nice place to have a gathering at in the basement lounge,” Jack offered after my silence.

I nodded and smiled as I looked up at him.

“Perfect,” I agreed with him.

“I’d like to meet your parents before then. Why don’t we stop in Greenwich on the way back to the city?” Jack asked curiously.

I dreaded the thought of having to put on this act in front of my naive, sweet parents. But what choice did I have?

“That would be great,” I nodded. “Will your family from England be able to attend our party?”

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