Page 184 of Don't Leave Me

“You sure are in a good mood,” Emily teased, nudging me with her elbow.

I smiled widely back at her. “It’s just being out with you. It feels like forever since we’ve done this: just had our girl time,” I shrugged, the truth in there a little bit.

“It has, hasn’t it?” she widened her eyes. “We’ve been so busy with our men. We need to do a weekly meetup, at the very least,” she went on animatedly.

“At least,” I agreed.

We walked into the small but busy restaurant, waiting for a table as we shrugged off our coats. We were seated quickly by the window and I eyed the menu, grateful that there were vegetarian options. We decided on our meals and then waited for our server, Emily eyeing me with a smile as I sipped on some water.

“What?” I asked, feeling all of a sudden embarrassed with her eyes intent on me.

“You’re like, really pretty,” she teased, of course giving me a Mean Girls line to ease my anxiety.

“Thank you,” I went along with her, raising my eyebrows.

“So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?” she continued, then busted up laughing, of course always her biggest fan.

Suddenly our server came and we both ordered the vegetarian noodles. Emily handed him our menus and then stared at me intently again, this time her eyes serious and somehow nervous.

“Nowwhat is it?” I was nervous all of a sudden. She was never serious.

“I talked to Billie the other day, when you posted the picture from your wedding day,” she started, looking down at the table then back up at me. “She told me some things.”

My heart dropped. Why didn’t I think that Billie would tell her? I knew they were in contact, but I didn’t think that Billie would give such incriminating details, especially when I told her I lied about it. Maybe she was trying to get whoever she could get involved. Maybe now they were all suspicious. This wasn’t a good sign.

My heart pounded furiously. “What exactly did she say?”

Emily sighed and fiddled with her fingers. “She said that you made up some story about Jack kidnapping you. She said that he had tied you up, held you against your will. She said you were so scared when you told her,” she started, quietly. “And you were so convincing that she told the police and Michael. And then you called her the next day and said you made it all up. She said that you were thinking of getting back together with Michael, and that sending Jack to prison was easier than breaking his heart and risk having him hurting himself. But that you made your mind up: that you wanted to be with Jack, not Michael, so you had to tell her the truth,” she finally stopped, looking at me with sad eyes.

I nodded. It was all so ridiculous, but it seemed like Emily believed that I had told a horrendous lie.

“She doesn’t really believe that you made it all up. She thinks that you said that because Jack found out that you told her,” she furrowed her brows. “But I told her that can’t be true because you two are so in love. I’ve seen you two together. There’s no way that he’s forcing you to do all this,” she continued, almost asking me rather than telling me.

My heart sank even deeper. My own cousin could see it: I really was in love with Jack. He may have forced me in the beginning, but now I was willingly serving him. Of course I always had that fear, but that didn’t seem like a problem because I wasn’t going to betray him. I loved him. I had to protect him because it was true: if I left him, if I betrayed him, then he would kill himself. Even if he got sent to prison, he would find a way to kill himself. And I didn’t want him to die; I really didn’t want to live in a world where he didn’t exist. Yes, he was scary sometimes, but he was mostly my sweet, sensitive, tortured soul Jack. And I knew that Michael could survive without me – maybe I knew deep down that Michael could get over me in a healthy manner. I didn’t want him to think that I left him, or that I even stopped loving him, but he would heal and he would move on. Jack never could. He couldn’t live without me, literally. His life was in my hands.

“I do love him, Em. I love him so very much. All of that wasn’t true. I was just so…torn. I made up a really, really stupid, careless lie and I wish I hadn’t,” I said, tears forming in my eyes and falling down my cheeks.

“Oh, Han,” Emily reached her hands out to me. “I know. It’s okay. We’ve all been stupid before. I know I have. I have no place to judge you – no one does,” she comforted me.

“Thank you,” I smiled. “I still feel so stupid and so bad for letting it get to that point,” I explained, wiping the tears away with the back of my hands.

“It’s okay. Everything and everyone is fine,” she assured me with a smile.

I had to ask. “Even Michael?”

She gave me another sad smile. “I think so. He will be okay. Billie talks to him more than I do and she says he’s coping,” she shrugged.

I nodded. I had to change the subject or else I would want to keep talking about him. Luckily, I didn’t have to – our food had arrived right at that moment and we began to eat, teasing each other about our horrible chopstick usage and back to our happy, silly selves.

We decided to stop at a donut place across the street from the loft, bought half a dozen donuts, and then I realized that I didn’t have a key to the loft. I had to play it cool though.

“Fuck. I left my keys at home,” I lied as I dug around in my purse as we walked towards the building.

“I have an idea then – wanna go surprise the boys at the studio?” Emily suggested, an eager grin on her face.

I gasped. “I’d love that,” I answered honestly – I was curious to hear their new music and to hear Jack’s voice.

Emily giggled. “Yay! It’s in the East Village like six or seven blocks up by Tompkins Square Park,” she explained, taking my hand and guiding the way.

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