Page 196 of Don't Leave Me

I poured big glasses of wine for myself and Emily as we sat down on the couch, HGTV on low for background noise.

“So what brings you by?” I tried to appear casual, although I was dying to hear why she suddenly needed to see me at 9 PM on a Tuesday night.

Emily took a quick gulp of wine and set her glass down on the coffee table. She looked at me with worried eyes, a look that I hadn’t seen from her much.

“I um…I went out with Hana today. We went and got our nails done and then we went to a vintage shop in Chelsea,” she started, looking down at her hands and then back up at me. “I made her try on this really cute dress that I knew she’d look amazing in,” she smiled briefly, but it faded quickly. “We were in the changing room together and she…she said that she was anemic, and that she had bruises. She undressed and she had bruises…everywhere. They were the worst on her hips and her backside, but she had some on her arms, on her shoulders and back. It looked like she was beaten badly,” she explained, her expression horrified.

My heart dropped to the floor and my palms started to sweat. I waited for her to continue.

“She said her and Jack got carried away the other night while having sex. Like, doing all that bondage shit that her and Michael did. But like, it was so unsettling to see. I never saw bruises like that when she was with Michael. Granted, I didn’t see her naked much but…these were so bad,” her eyes were welling with tears.

I didn’t know what to say. My heart pounded so hard that I could feel it through my whole body.

“Did she seem upset by them?”

Emily shrugged. “Not really. I mean, she could tell I was upset but she was so calm about it. I asked her if she consented to it, and she said yes. I asked her why…why she liked to get hurt like that,” she went on, her face in disbelief and disgust. “And she said something like, ‘it hurts to feel good.’”

I suddenly rolled my eyes.Of courseHana would say something like that. Of course she would romanticize the abuse she endured from Jack. She probably thought she deserved all of this. Is that why she stayed? She felt guilty for hurting Jack before? Did she think she was paying the price for her wavering feelings between Jack and Michael?

“How was she after? What did you guys do after that?” I interrogated.

Emily took another sip of wine. “Jack texted her and suggested going to eat at a place that Michael and Hana always went to, and she burst out crying. She was hurting, I could tell. I made up some excuse so we could go somewhere else. I asked her if she regretted choosing Jack,” she raised her eyebrows. “She said no. She said she loved Jack more than anything,” she shrugged, staring off into the distance.

“Do you believe her?”God, I hope she doesn’t.

Emily shrugged again. “I believe she loves Jack. I am just worried about her.”

I quickly took a sip of my wine and then was ready to hit her with the facts.

“Do you know about Jack’s criminal record?” I inquired curiously.

Emily furrowed her brows again. “No,” she responded hesitantly.

I started with a sigh. “John told me all about it after Jack’s overdose. He said he had abused heroin for years, that he got into a bunch of bar fights and got arrested for assault. I recently checked out his records online, and well…the list is even longer,” I explained with worried eyes. “He spent time in jail for assault at least 3 times. He got hit with a restraining order. He went on trial for stalking but was acquitted. What else…possession of drugs. Oh, and an arrest for trespassing,” I explained. “That was all within the last five years,” I finished, watching Emily’s horrified reaction.

“Oh my god,” Emily shook her head. “I had no fucking idea.”

I nodded. “It’s pretty horrifying knowing our best friend is living under the same roof as him. He clearly has anger issues. With a history of so much violence, who knows if those bruises were consensual or not?” I questioned.

I could see tears forming in Emily’s eyes again. I knew her mind was going wild.

“You can’t tell Hana or Adam or anyone that you know about this. Jack could find out that we’ve been snooping and we could be putting her in danger. We need to pretend like everything is fine,” I put my hand to her arm. “We need Hana to snap out of this.”

Emily shook her head. “She’s not gonna leave him. She loves him. She doesn’t care about any of that, obviously,” she argued. “How do we snap her out of this?”

I smiled, the answer clear as day. “We need Michael to talk to her, one on one. And Jack cannot find out.”

54

Chapter 54

HANA.

Emily fortunately was playing it cool during dinner. I knew she was concerned about the bruises - they would be unsettling for anyone to see, and my poor excuse for anemia didn’t seem to make it any better. I wished I had remembered it because it was unsettling for me to hear what I had asked of him. I knew it wasn’t unlikely that I had asked him to do his worst; I was already self-loathing and believed I should be punished. And didn’t I enjoy it? I must have. I wondered if I would have blacked out if I wasn’t already drunk. Was it traumatizing? Did that also play a role in me forgetting it? I could imagine it as Jack stared down at me during our train ride back to the LES. I could see him hovering over me, his hand wrapped around my throat, his hard grip from his other hand keeping my wrists bound. How did I get the tremendous bruise on my hips and thighs? On my shoulder and arm? My stomach dropped as my imagination grew wild.

After we walked up the stairs of the subway station and into the cold winter air, in a public place where Jack couldn’t get angry with me, I started to ask him about it. My curiosity was killing me.

“I saw more of my bruises in a full length mirror when I tried this on,” I held up the bag that held my dress.

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