Page 200 of Don't Leave Me

I smiled eagerly. “Congratulations!”

“I start next weekend! The guys are gonna try to do a little gig there that night too,” she raised her eyebrows at me, almost hesitantly, as if her mind wandered elsewhere.

“That would be fun,” I smiled back hesitantly;what is she thinking about? The songs?Was she afraid of me hearing them?

Our server finally came and we placed our orders, our small talk back to the basics like ‘did you hear this in the news’ and ‘did you see this meme on Instagram.’ I texted with Jack constantly, asking him how his meeting was going and if he missed me as much as I missed him. I barely touched my spinach omelet – my interest in food was lacking a lot lately and Emily eyed me with concern. I knew I had probably lost a little weight, and my already thin figure probably made me look frailer than I was. I’m sure that combined with the bruises I had everywhere made Emily worry.

“So…since we’re kind of close, I have to stop by my apartment real quick to get some jewelry I need for this hot date night outfit I have planned for tomorrow,” Emily raised her eyebrows at me playfully. “Mind if we take a quick detour before we head to the Apple store?”

Emily asked if I would go with her to get her cracked iPhone screen fixed after lunch. I was eager to get back to Jack, but since we were so close to her apartment and the sun was shining brightly, I agreed to go.

“Sure. It’s been a while since I’ve seen your cute little apartment,” I smiled at her.

“I’m sure it’s covered in a foot of dust. My poor little apartment,” Emily laughed.

All tension seemed to be erased as we paid for our lunch and headed south on foot towards SoHo. The weather was unusually sunny and warm for early March and the streets were filled with happy faces and people without their winter jackets on, embracing the warm sun on their skin. I had always loved people watching and almost wanted to sit on a bench and read while Emily went upstairs to her apartment, but I figured it would be rude to do that and followed her into the elevator of her building. My heart suddenly felt a little weak – the last time I was in this building, I was with Michael. We were holding hands on this very elevator. I stared at my reflection and frowned –don’t think about him. He is safe now. He’ll always be safe because of you.But is he happy? Is this worth it?My logical thoughts butt in, always ready to argue with my heart. The elevator doors pinged open, interrupting my internal argument and we walked down the hall to Emily’s apartment. She sighed as she fiddled with her keys, all of a sudden looking nervous and tense again.

“You okay?” I observed, watching her hands shake.

Emily nodded. “Yeah,” she said quietly as she put her key into the door. “Just know I’m doing this for you. I’m doing this to help you.”

I narrowed my eyes at her, confused. “Doing what?”

She didn’t answer – she finally opened the door and quickly walked in, and I was about to demand an answer as I followed her in but was stopped in my tracks when I entered the door frame.Am I hallucinating? Did I just somehow suddenly die and this was heaven? Is that really him nervously standing in Emily’s living room?

I whispered out, tears already streaming down my face, “M-Michael?”

55

Chapter 55

All I could hear was the pounding of my own heart; I could feel it take over my entire body, my ears pulsing and whooshing with all the blood pumping furiously. Michael stood with his hands in his jeans pockets, wearing a white button-up long-sleeved shirt, his hair disheveled in his own Michael way, the stubble of his facial hair shorter than when I’d see him last – when he showed up to Jack’s loft unannounced. I couldn’t register that Michael was actually there – it felt like I was hallucinating as I stared into his wide, nervous grey eyes. I could feel my stomach flipping wildly, my chest fluttering with desire and guilt, my tears streaming down my face like a fucking waterfall.

“Hi, Hana,” he nearly whispered after he licked his lips and watched me carefully.

I looked over at Emily; both of them looked like they were ready to catch a wild animal, on their toes and ready for anything to happen. I was the wild animal.

I turned back to Michael – he still stood frozen, far away from me, intentionally keeping his distance. What was going on?

“What-what’s…what is going on? Why are you here?” I asked with confusion, my tone harsher than I had wanted it to be.

Michael looked at Emily then back at me. “I wanted to talk to you one on one. I needed to see you, Hana. You left me so suddenly,” he explained quietly, his voice cracking.

My heart felt like it tore open into a million little pieces.

“I’m going to look for that stuff in my room, Han. I’ll give you guys some alone time,” Emily said cautiously, eyeing the two of us before quickly scurrying in her room and shutting the door behind her.

I looked back at Michael, my knees feeling like they would give out at any moment. This was not how I expected our reunion to be – why did he seem so afraid to come near me?

Michael licked his lips again before he spoke. He took his hands out of his pockets and fiddled with them for a moment. “I didn’t want to surprise you like this. Emily and Billie thought it would be a good idea – they are both worried about you.I’mworried about you. I know you don’t want to be with me anymore but I still love you and care about you,” Michael explained, and I had to stop him - I had to correct him.

“I do want to be with you,” I blurted out, taking a step towards him.

And now I understood: he was giving me space. He was keeping the boundaries that I had set – he really thought I didn’t want him anymore, he really thought I didn’t love him anymore. But as I stood there in front of him, my Michael so wounded and raw, I knew that I still loved him more than anything and I had to have him know that.

The confusion was clear on his face. “What?”

“I love you more than anything in this world,” I continued, my tears still flowing as I walked closer to him. “I miss you so much.” I was now only inches away from him.

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