Page 207 of Don't Leave Me

“I want a divorce,” I said quietly, defeated. “I just want a divorce,” I repeated, sitting down on the bed next to Michael.

“We’ll see about that,” Jack said bitterly and hung up.

He was not going to give up without a fight.

57

Chapter 57

I threw the phone on the bed and wept into my hands for the millionth time that day. I felt Michael rub his hand on my back, trying to comfort me, telling me it would all be okay.

“You believe me, don’t you?” I asked between sobs, barely able to see his face through my tears.

“Of course I do, Hana,” he responded immediately. “Jack is a dangerous, conniving criminal. I’ll never believe a word he says.”

Thank god.

Michael’s hand stopped and returned to my thigh. “Don’t you think now is a good time to go to the police? He’s trying to turn this all around now. Better to have the police deal with all of this,” he suggested quietly and hesitantly.

“No,” I immediately spit out and stood up, now pacing myself, my angry energy seething throughout my body. “There’s no proof. He’ll just say I wanted all of this. They’ll try to send me to the psych ward or something,” I babbled, grabbing my clothes off the floor and pulling them on.

“You havesomeproof, Hana,” Michael said, and I stopped to look at him.

His eyes were pointed at my thighs that I was about to cover with my jeans. Then a thought occurred to me – maybe I’ll just piss off Jack to the point that he’ll want nothing to do with me anymore. I’ll file a divorce on the grounds that he beat me, and I’ll file a restraining order on him. Maybe he’ll getsomejail time, but knowing how the system worked, probably not. He will just go on telling everyone how crazy I am and then disappear into the city, finding something new to obsess over.

“Just give me some time to think about all of this.Please,” I begged Michael as I shrugged my jeans up, trying to figure out our next move.

I knew we couldn’t hide out forever. I knew we had to dosomething. I was just scared, guilty, ashamed – I didn’t want to delve into every detail with some stranger at the police station, telling them how sometimes I liked being tied up and slapped during intimate moments, but during this occasion, I didn’t. I didn’t consent. How would they know that I wasn’t lying?

Michael sighed as he began to dress himself as well. I knew how exhausting and frustrating this was for him. I hated who I was at that moment and I hated every decision I made with Jack. I should have fought against him harder. I should have never secretly met up with him. I should have just ran with Billie in that restaurant all those weeks ago. Now everything was messy and complicated. Now everything hurt.

“I’m going to order some dinner. You’re skin and bones right now, Hana,” Michael exhaled, looking down at his phone as he stood near the window, one hand on his hip.

There was no way I could eat at that moment but I didn’t argue. I didn’t have anything left in me to argue.

“Okay,” I said feebly, then laid on the bed, letting my limbs melt onto the soft sheets.

My mind was all over the place as I looked over at Michael and felt a tug in my chest.

“Michael,” I started, lifting myself up to sit up.

He turned to me with an eager gaze.

“How didyoufeel when I was gone? When you thought I left you?” I was trying to get into his mind, trying to force myself to go to the police.

Michael raised his eyebrows as he came to sit next to me, shaking head head.

“I felt like my life was over,” he started, his expression pained as he looked at me. “I thought I knew how my life was going to pan out - we would get married, have kids, have summers at the lake and holidays at your parent’s house. Everything felt like it was ripped away from me. My heart was…shattered. I felt lost and alone and,” he paused, then turned to look at his hands. “And I wanted to die. I truly did. I drank nearly every day, immediately when I got home. Some days I stayed home from work and drank. I called and texted you nonstop - though I was sure you had blocked me by then. And then…and then Billie came to me and said she thought you were in trouble, and she was going to find out what was going on. And then she did - she told me about your confession during dinner and I wanted to go run after you and save you. I didn’t care if I got shot or killed because of it - I just had to go save you,” he shook his head again, his eyes tearful as he looked up at me again. “But Billie was smart. She knew we needed to get the police involved. And then they did absolutely nothing. They thought we were all crazy,” he shook his head, then looked deep in thought, as if a new thought occurred to him. “And then she said you told her made it all up, that you were just confused. And I believed you. I thought you truly wanted to be with him. I thought you were bored of me, of our life - I thought, well…you fell in love with me quickly. What’s to stop your from falling out of love just the same?”

His eyes were back on the ground, his face shameful and pained.

“I was starting to give up on you. I was starting to think there was no return for you. And then I found out you had married him and that just…” he trailed off before he eyed me again. “The drinking got worse. I drank and then stayed in bed. I called out several times from work. The last few weeks have been a blur,” he shook his head again.

I couldn’t suppress the lump in my throat anymore. I let the tears stream from my face, my guilt and shame worse than ever. My perfect, beautiful Michael really believed I didn’t want him anymore. He was taking it worse than I thought he would; he sank into a deep depression that I was afraid to think of where it would’ve ended up. My poor, beautiful Michael. He wasn’t so perfect after all.

“I’m so sorry,” I said, my voice cracking as I put my hand atop his.

Michael looked at me and gave me a soft, sympathetic smile.

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