Page 44 of Don't Leave Me

“Michael is meeting us there,” I blurted out to Emily.

“Sweet!” she responded excitedly.

“He won’t want Jack to be there,” I whispered to her, the guys oblivious to our conversation a few feet away, holding the top railing on the crowded subway.

She furrowed her brows at me.“Why not?”

“Jack and I…we have a history,” I explained vaguely.

Her eyes widened. “I knew it! You guys have so much chemistry,” she smiled.

“Yes, and Michael won’t want to see that!” I said shrilly.

She seemed to think about it for a minute.

“Just tell Jack that your boyfriend is coming?” she suggested.

Of course; that was the most logical and honest thing to do…but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.But shit…what other option do I have?

We got off the L train and headed towards the 6 to get to the Bowery when I tugged on Jack’s arm and frowned at him.

“My boyfriend is meeting me at the Bowery,” I confessed.

He stopped walking and laughed a little. “Of course he is,” he said bitterly.

“Wait – what’s going on?” Adam asked, him and Emily trailing behind us.

“Don’t worry, Hana. I won’t bother you there,” Jack said to me sharply, ignoring Adam, and started to walk ahead of us.

Fuck. I always end up hurting someone’s feelings. Iama total asshole.

“He didn’t take it well, I see?” Emily latched her arm onto mine as we continued our walk to the 6.

I felt a lump in my throat. “No,” I shook my head morosely.

“Take what well?” Adam asked eagerly, close to Emily; he had an obvious crush on her.

“Nothing,” Emily waved him off.

I smiled to myself. She always did play hard to get.

I didn’t see Jack get on the 6, but apparently he did because I saw him walking out of the station and headed towards the Bowery.Maybe he won’t even go. Maybe he’s going home. No, that’s in the other direction. Damnit, why did I even tell him?By this point, all I wanted to do was go home with Michael; I was buzzed, my thoughts racing, and I was irritated and stressed out beyond belief. Adam, Emily and I walked into the crowded music venue and made our way to the balcony where it was less packed and had more places to sit at the bar. I quickly asked for a bottled water to try and sober up while I waited for Michael.

While a loud, grungy rock band started to play on the stage, I felt my heart racing and my face feeling like it was on fire.I need Michael to be here. I need to leave. I need air. I can’t breathe.I was having a panic attack.

“Han, are you okay?” I heard Emily ask loudly over the music, her hand on my shoulder.

“No, no…I can’t breathe,” I choked out, all of a sudden crying hysterically.

I put my hands flat on the table we were sitting at and was bawling - and as much as I wanted to stop, I couldn’t.

“Okay, come on. Let’s go outside,” Emily said, taking my hand quickly and guiding me down the stairs as I choked on my tears, trying to catch my breath.

I was embarrassed as we walked out of the front entrance, passing by dozens of people who I was sure were staring at me. Emily guided me further down the block as my legs trembled, my hands shaking and my heart still racing, pounding.

“Breathe, Hana. Breathe with me, let’s take a deep breath,” Emily said calmly, still holding my hand.

I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop crying.

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