Page 45 of Don't Leave Me

“I-I-I can’t,” I cried out, leaning down and curling up into a ball.

“Hana, what’s going on?” I heard his voice.

“She’s having a panic attack,” Emily answered.

“Hana, baby. It’s me,” Michael said calmly, leaning down to my level.

I shook my head, still crying hysterically and staring down at the ground – I felt like I was going to die, this was it, this was my time.

“Hana, take my hand and stand up with me,” Michael said calmly, and I looked up at him through my tears and took his hand as he helped me stand up slowly.

“Good. Take a deep breath in,” he instructed, demonstrating.

I nodded, taking the best deep breath I could.

“Good, now a deep breath out,” he went on soothingly, nodding.

I exhaled slowly, my nerves subsiding a little, my heart pounding a little less.

“Good, baby. You’re doing great. Deep breath in again,” he demonstrated.

Soon enough, I was breathing normally again, my hysterical crying fit now just tears in my eyes.

“Is she alright?” I heard someone ask in the distance – it sounded like Jack.

“How are you feeling? Better?” Michael asked, his hands to my face, his eyes concerned but calm.

I nodded, then quickly wrapped my arms around him. “I’m so sorry,” I said into his chest.

“Yeah, she’s fine, thanks,” I heard Emily answer.

“What’s he doing here?” I heard Michael ask someone.

“I don’t know,” I heard Emily respond, closer to us now.

“I’m taking her home. Are you staying?”

I felt him start to rub my back.

“No, I’ll go with you guys,” she answered.

Michael let go of me and took my hand. “We’re gonna go home, alright?” he looked down at me with assurance.

I nodded.

“I’m gonna hail a taxi. She doesn’t need to be on the subway right now,” he said to Emily as we started to walk towards the street.

I felt weak as I sat in the back seat of a cab between Michael and Emily. I rested my head on Michael’s shoulder while he held my hand and I quickly felt myself drifting off.

“Han, wake up. We’re home,” Michael said to me quietly, rubbing my thigh.

I groggily opened my eyes, my head pounding, and let Michael guide me out of the taxi and up to the apartment.

I don’t even remember going to bed. The next thing I knew, I was opening my eyes and noticing that my alarm clock read 7 AM. I was suddenly terrified –where’s Michael?– before I turned my body and realized that he was sound asleep next to me. I sighed and wrapped my arm around him before I fell back asleep.

A brief memory, or dream, played through my brain while I slept – I was crying to Michael in bed, telling him over and over how sorry I was, and he comforted me in his arms until I fell asleep.

12

---