Page 125 of Don't Leave Me

But this year was one I wanted to remember. I was home in my beautiful Chelsea condo with my husband-to-be, the fireplace warming us up as we sat and watched the ball drop, literally only 17 blocks away, from the TV. We kissed at midnight and I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.

I spent most days at home, looking through countless wedding websites and bookmarking favorite caterers, dress designers, wedding invitations, bridesmaids gifts. A few times a week I would meet with Michael downtown for lunch because I usually couldn’t wait a whole 9 ½ hours to see him again. Some days I would take a walk around the neighborhood or go to the waterfront park a few blocks away just to get some air. I was hardly writing, but I was okay with that.I have a wedding to plan!I got carried away for hours on my laptop and would be surprised when I heard the elevator doors ping open, but I would get the burst of excitement from knowing it was Michael arriving home.

Mine and Michael’s sex life was also at its height, more and more each day that passed somehow. All of the kink was mixed with long cuddles afterwards, usually with me falling asleep in his arms. Adding in a few “yes sirs” to rile Michael up or rolling my eyes when I wanted to get spanked was a usual Tuesday night for us.

It was a late January afternoon and as I scrolled through a playlist of wedding music on my Macbook, my phone pinged with a text. Surprisingly, it was Jessica. I hadn’t heard from her since our housewarming/engagement party – I imagined she was keeping her distance because it would be less difficult to keep our engagement a secret to Jack that way. Speaking of Jack – I was surprised that he hadn’t reached out to me yet. Maybe he came to his senses.Wait – Michael blocked him from my phone. That makes more sense.I started to feel bad.

I smiled as I read the text: “Hello love. Was just thinking of you and missing your face. Would love to meet up and chat sometime soon. xxx” I sent her a reply right away. “Miss you too! Why don’t we meet up for coffee/lunch this week?” Her reply was sent not even a minute later. “Would love to! There’s a cute vegan cafe in Union Square. Tomorrow?” We made plans for the next day at 2 PM.

As always, I excitedly greeted Michael when he arrived home by 6:30 PM. When my knight in shining armor whom I spent all day fantasizing about walked through the door, I jumped on him almost immediately.

“I’m having lunch with Jessica tomorrow,” I casually mentioned as we sat in the bath together after our nightly sexual adventure.

I swear I felt his body tense up as he sat behind me.

“Good. It’s been a while since you’ve seen her. Since the party, right?” he asked, trying to match my tone.

“Yeah. Is that okay?” I hesitated, still unsure of how he felt about her since finding out she was Jack’s sister.

“Yes, babe. I only hope craziness doesn’t run in the family,” he joked, but it stung a little.

“Like my family?” I frowned to myself.

I heard him sigh to himself. “I’m sorry, Han. I don’t mean to joke about mental illness. I just…I hope she’s more stable than Jack,” he said softly before putting his lips to my shoulder.

My heart still ached. “She is,” I assured him.

* * *

I was excited to get out of the apartment the next day. As much as I loved our place, I hardly ever socialized anymore. With Emily being at Adam’s so much, and with Billie still not talking to me, I didn’t have much of a social life. I excitedly applied my matte red lipstick, shrugged on my rain coat, and headed on the train to Union Square.

Jessica was already sat at a table near the window when I arrived, excitedly waving me down as she stood up.

“So lovely to see you, Hana,” she smiled before giving me a tight hug.

“Yes, you too. You look great,” I respond as we sat down.

There were light snow flurries beginning to fall from the sky as I entered the restaurant and I could see them starting to fall quicker from the corner of my eye. Jessica beamed at me as I shrugged my coat off and set it on the back of my chair.

“You look great as well. How are you doing?” she asked, her eyes intent on me.

I smiled to myself. “I’m doing really well. I’ve been so engulfed with wedding planning lately. How are you doing? How’s the show going?”

Jessica hesitated for a quick moment - so quickly that if I wasn’t so focused on her I may not have even noticed.

“Everything is going well. The show is great. It keeps me so busy. Which is probably good, with Jack staying with me and all. He is always home, which is fine, but he drives me mad sometimes,” she said with a forced laugh.

“Is he…is he doing okay?” I asked cautiously.

Jess sighed as she looked out the window. “I can’t tell. Hesayshe’s doing fine, but sometimes when he talks to me he doesn’t seem like he’s…paying attention. It’s like he zones out. I mean, he’s always been a little strange and I’ve always been used to it. But now that I’m watching him closely, maybe it’s just…nothing?” she vented to me. “He asks about you all the time. He asks if I’ve talked to you. He leaves at odd hours of the night – sometimes I’ll get home at 1 or 2 in the morning and he’ll be off for a run or heading to the gym. I don’t know if he sleeps all day while I’m gone or something,” she shrugged, concern in her voice as she looked at me and then back out the window.

I sighed heavily. I didn’t know what to say.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m blabbing. I just feel like I don’t keep a very good eye on him. He wants to move back into his loft and I just don’t think it’s a very good idea. I just wish I wasn’t so busy – too busy for him,” she frowned as she looked down at her hands.

“You’re doing the best you can. He can’t have someone watch him constantly – they released him so they must trust that he is okay out in the real world. At least he has you keeping tabs on him, making sure he’s okay at least daily,” I assured her with a small smile on my face.

I saw a glimpse of Jack in my mind and my heart stung a little. He was so lost and so in love with me and I played with his heart so badly. I suddenly felt so ashamed of myself.

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