Page 129 of Don't Leave Me

“No worries, babe,” he shrugged, then gave me a sweet peck on the lips.

He took my gloved hand with his and we started to walk along the pathway, the park always busy thanks to the tourist sights like the Statue of Liberty nearby.

“How was your date with Emily?” he asked casually, looking down at me as we walked.

“It was great. She spaced out and had to leave early – I guess she had a movie date with Adam that she forgot about, “ I shrugged.

He smiled to himself. “So she’s her usual, happy self then?”

I laughed. “Yes, very much so. Very much in love, too,” I raised my eyebrows at him.

He smiled and then looked down at our feet as we walked.

“Good. Adam seems like a good lad. Don’t know why he’s friends with Jack,” he mused quietly, and I could see the air he exhaled in the cold in front of us.

I wanted so badly to tell him about my run in with Jack, but things were going so well. Why fuck up this good moment with talk about Jack?

“So, I know you have that work trip tomorrow and won’t be home till late,” I said, changing the subject. “But I think you should come home early today so we can make the most out of the day together,” I raised my eyebrows up at him hopefully.

Michael was scheduled to go to Philadelphia the next day for a meeting with the company that owned New York Daily. It was a bi-annual meeting and although I wanted to go with him, he would be in meetings all day and I would be wandering around Philly alone, so I opted on staying home.

“You read my mind,” Michael smiled down at me. “Let me go pack up and we’ll head home.”

I laid in bed scrolling through Instagram as Michael slept soundly beside me. I wasn’t very active on the app – I occasionally posted pictures of the city, graffiti in the subway stations, the rare artsy selfie with a pretentious literary quote, and lots of sunsets from rooftops all over the city. The last picture I posted was of a page of a book I was reading with the view of Madison Square Park in the background a week prior during one of my strolls around the city. There was only one of Michael, and I think that’s because I wanted to keep him all to myself. It was a photo of him standing on the balcony of our bedroom, leaning against the railing and looking out at the city. I took it candidly, and if he knew that I posted it for the world to see, he probably wouldn’t have like that. He was so private himself – he had no social media and had no way of looking at mine unless he snooped. Speaking of snooping: I sought out Jack’s Instagram and tapped on his profile. His profile appeared and there he was – pictures of him acting silly with Jessica, a picture of him holding up a fake skull, pictures of art and books, of booze and drums, of graffiti and artsy pictures of NYC buildings. I sighed as I scrolled through months of his pictures, spotting a few videos of him performing solo on his drums, a newer one of his more toned body hitting the drums rapidly. I glanced over at Michael and felt so incredibly guilty. I quickly shut off my phone and went to sleep with a heavy heart.

29

Chapter 29

I gave Michael a long, passionate kiss before he left for Philly the next morning. He would only be gone for a total of 12 hours or so but I still couldn’t help myself from missing him the instant he disappeared from view. I lazily sank a tea bag into a hot mug of water while I turned my phone on and started to mindlessly look through it. Suddenly, a message notification from Instagram appeared: it was Jack. “Hello Hana. This is the real Hana, isn’t it? I didn’t get some fake handle as a joke, right?” I smiled as I read the message. Typical sarcastic Jack. “Hi Jack. Yes, don’t worry, this is THE Hana,” I responded back. “Lovely. I am just heading to the gym. Care for lunch later? There’s a great cafe near Tompkins Square Park,” he replied. I stared at the screen for entirely too long.What do I do? I can’t, I shouldn’t. This is a bad idea.“Sure, that sounds nice.” I responded mindlessly. “Excellent. How about 1 PM?” he responded back quickly with the name of the cafe. I looked at the time: it was 10:30 AM. I rolled my eyes at myself.Why am I getting myself into this mess?“Sounds good. See you then.”

I took the E & L trains to the East Village, constantly texting with Michael and completely lying to him while telling him I was headed to eat lunch by myself. I felt so guilty on so many levels: guilt about lying to Michael, guilt about being such an asshole to Jack before – so much so that I was putting my relationship in jeopardy just to make him happy. I walked towards the cafe, bundled up in a scarf and peacoat, mindlessly walking and feeling sick to my stomach. I walked into the cafe and searched all the faces around me, and suddenly Jack was waving me down from the corner near a brick wall, sitting at a small table that ran against the wall. I quickly walked towards him and gave him a quick smile and motioned for a hug, my nerves totally fried. His toned arms were strong against my body and I wanted to run –what if I’m becoming hypomanic?All I could think about was his hot, toned body.That’s clearly not a good sign, is it?

“Hi, Hana. Good to see you again. Twice in two days, lucky me,” he teased as he released me.

I laughed. “You’re sweet,” I said as I sat down at the chair facing him and the wall. I hung my coat on the empty chair beside me – for it being a Friday afternoon, it was surprisingly not very busy.

“What can I get you? My treat,” Jack said, handing me a paper menu.

“Oh, thank you,” I scanned the menu. “You know, I think I’ll just do one of these healthy smoothies; my stomach is kind of upset. How about this one?” I pointed at the item on the menu as I glanced up at him.

“Perfect. I’ll be right back,” he grinned at me before he got up.

I nodded and sighed as I looked around, stilling my hands on my lap.God, I’m so nervous. This is such a bad idea. As soon as I leave, I’m going to tell Michael about all of this and just get it off my chest. I’m just going to come clean and tell him everything. I need him to know – I can’t keep such a huge secret from him. He will be upset, surely, but we will work it out.

Only a couple minutes later, Jack appeared at the table and sat down smoothly as he smiled crookedly at me.

“Thanks for still coming even though you’re not feeling well,” he said gently, putting his elbows on the table as he observed me.

I shrugged nonchalantly. “I think it’s just nerves,” I admitted. “I didn’t tell Michael about this, and I’m sorry to keep bringing him up, but I feel bad for lying to him about us…our friendship,” I clarified, my voice shaking.

Jack glanced down at his hands, his face serious. “I understand, Hana,” he nodded. “I kind of put you into a tight spot in the hospital, didn’t I? I don’t mean to guilt trip you into anything.”

Oh god, he doesn’t mean to guilt trip me, and yet here I am feeling even more guilty as I stare into his sad eyes.

“No, you’re not,” I lied. “It’s okay. I’m just kind of…all over the place lately,” I laughed.

Jack didn’t laugh back. “Are you sure? I mean, I don’t want to put a strain on any relationships,” he raised his eyebrows.

---