Page 155 of Don't Leave Me

I didn’t register the words at first.

“Jack,” I pleaded, confused, but still needing him inside of me. “Please fuck me.”

“Marry me, Hana,” he repeated, still inching his way inside of me.

I lifted my hips and moaned. “Yes,” I gasped, my words a reflection of his flesh on mine and not anything to do with his marriage proposal.

Suddenly, Jack rammed inside of me and started pumping furiously, his one hand still pinning me down and the other now wrapped around my throat. I came, relief flooding through me, exactly when he did.

38

Chapter 38

The words were finally registered in my brain once my mind was clear of all the desperate need for release.Jack just asked me to marry him – what in the actual fuck?I didn’t have time to think before Jack spoke, his body now positioned next to mine, his strong arm wrapped around me.

“Hana, I mean it,” Jack said quietly. “I want us to get married. Today,” he continued, now not even asking me, but telling me.

I looked over at him.Do I have a choice?“There’s a 24 hour waiting period to get married in New York,” I blinked at him, knowing that was the truth – I knew all about getting married in New York now. I held back tears.

Jack smiled at me. “Then we’ll get married tomorrow,” he responded lightly, still waiting for some sort of response from me.

I honestly couldn’t form any type of sensible response in my head – my thoughts were jumbled.If I marry him, all of this will be so much harder to get out of. If I refuse, what will he do to me? To Michael? To Billie, Emily, my parents?If I say yes, I could agree to go to the courthouse, and once I’m there I will run for my life.That’s all it took for me – a shred of hope. I knew my answer.

“Yes. Tomorrow,” I proclaimed, forcing a smile to my face.

Jack’s eyes widened – was he expecting me to fight? Was he expecting me to refuse, to scream and cry and beg him to just let me go? He seemed all too surprised at my response. Was he starting to believe I truly loved him?

“That took less effort than I thought it would,” he smirked, gently putting his hand to my face.

I smirked back, an automatic response to whenever he was happy.

“I suppose you have me totally at your will now,” I thought aloud, not thinking of the words before I said them.

Jack seemed to be deep in thought as he stared at me. I started to get nervous now.

“And I suppose you like it. Otherwise you’d have put up more of a fight,” he raised his eyebrows at me.

“Look what happened when I put up a fight before,” I quipped back immediately – my hypomania was making me brave. And honestly, what did I have to lose now?

“Nothing you couldn’t handle, love,” he grinned at me sinisterly. “You know what I think? I think you like feeling this way,” he propped himself up with his elbow, now staring me down. “That’s why this has all been so easy for me. I just needed to give you a little push to do what I say, and you fucking love it. You love being bossed around, you love being scared, you love fucking me and you love the thrill of all of this. No meds, no boring fucking cookie-cutter life in a boring Chelsea condo with a boring man who thinks he’s a dom,” he continued, his tone now angry. “You were born rich and sheltered and you hated every second of it. You’ve always wanted a life like this, and needed a man like me. That’s why you got so wet the first night I had you. You were scared and you were excited and that’s when I knew that I was doing what was right for both of us.”

He looked so pleased with himself as I stared at him with wide eyes, taking in everything he had just said. Was he right? Was that why I was so willing to be compliant in the first place?Is that why I haven’t tried to escape? Am I really that fucked up that I’ve been excited by all of this?He was right – I did love fucking him. I felt guilty about it but god did I love it as it was happening. I waited for it every single night. But how could it be true when I missed Michael so god damn much? How could it be true when I thought about him a thousand times a day, choking up when I imagined his heartbroken face? How could it be true when I told Billie about what was going on, asking for help? Was it just the guilt consuming me, making me do the “right” thing – the “expected” thing?

“You were lying at first when you told me you loved me. But now I believe you, Hana…now I believe you really love me. And I think, deep down, you know that too,” he observed as he got up, and as I stared at his naked, muscular body with butterflies in my stomach…I started to believe he was right.

* * *

I didn’t say a word to Jack while we showered. He had hit me with such heavy observations that I was still letting it all sink in. I could feel my tired body and my exhausted mind weigh heavily under the shower water, trying to cleanse me of all the guilt and shame that Jack had pounded into me. I didn’t even realize that Jack had left the shower until I heard him talking to me from the other side of the curtain.

“Lucky us – the city hall is only half a mile away. We can print the marriage license here and return it today before 4 PM,” he called out to me, as if we were both excited and had consented to this impending marriage.

“Great,” I responded, trying my hardest to sound optimistic and failing miserably.

“I have a call to make that I want you to hear. Hurry up so we can make good time, sweetheart.”

He sounded so cheerful. I think once he realized he had gotten to me with his little speech, he felt much better about our whole situation.

I quickly rinsed the soap off my body and Jack already had a towel in his hand, waiting for me.

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