Page 214 of Don't Leave Me

I nodded, a twinge of excitement in my chest. He was going to let me go out in the city with Jessica. Would she keep a close eye on me? Would I be able to outrun her? I wasn’t going to make a run for it, but the thought perked me up a little bit.

“Don’t get any bright ideas, Hana,” Jack smiled at me knowingly.

I smiled back at him. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Jack walked me and Jessica to the Apple store across the street from the hotel, kissed my forehead and then with no hint of sarcasm, said to both of us, “Behave.”

And then I was alone with Jessica in the huge Apple store, my eyes wandering to everything but her.

“So, you want the new iPhone, I’m assuming?” she asked as we started to walk towards the phone section.

“I don’t know. I don’t really care,” I shrugged beside her, telling the truth. I was fine with my iPhone 13 for years – all I did was text or Instagram; I didn’t need anything fancy.

Jessica smiled at me. “The new one is pretty fun. Let’s look,” she said happily, her mood brighter than I’d ever seen it.

An Apple employee eagerly approached us and Jessica told him we wanted the newest, greatest model. He happily went to the back after he brought us up the counter, ready to make his sell. Jessica dealt with setting everything up. I watched passively as the employee showed me everything I could do on the phone, half listening, half thinking of all the questions I wanted to ask Jessica once we were alone. And then 20 minutes later, we were out the door, my brand new iPhone paid in full, with a nice big case protector on it and Jessica turning the location services on for Jack. She handed me the phone as we sat on a bench at the Pond in Central Park, directly in front of the hotel.

“Thanks,” I smiled at her, then put the phone in my purse.

Jessica smiled and paused, then looked down the street. “There’s a Chanel just down there. Would you like to go spend a bunch on Jack’s card?” She gave me a sly grin, almost identical to Jack’s.

I gave her a crooked smile and furrowed my brows. “You don’t have to buy my love,” I said lightly.

Jessica laughed. “Oh, if only I could,” she raised her eyebrows, staring passively at the pond in front of us. “I would definitely try if I thought it were possible. I don’t expect you to like me at all anymore, though,” she sighed wistfully.

I almost felt bad. I was too empathetic and too forgiving, but I knew she probably didn’t have a choice in her decisions – just like me.

I hugged myself in the cold 40 degree chill. “How did you get involved in all of this?”

Jessica’s face was morose now.

“He wasn’t always like this, you know? When we were younger…we were so close. He would help me put on my own productions of shows I’d write. He’d make the stages in our living room out of boxes and make paper mache sets for my grand ideas. He was always there for me, watching out for me, being the best big brother ever. He was never once mean to me. And then…something happened when our father died. He just…spiraled. He took it the hardest. And I always defended him when I could, I always tried to help put him back on his feet. And then he promised me a new start here in New York when I told him I got into Tisch. He took on a few jobs all while painting his masterpieces. Of course, he was still abusing drugs at that time. I think something in his brain just…went bad,” she shook her head at me, tears in her eyes, my heart sinking.

“When he ended up in the hospital a few months ago, I was devastated. I promised him I would do everything I could to help him feel better. And then…then he asked me to find out more about you. That was how he put it. He said he wanted to know where you were going, and who you were with. I didn’t know the extent of it until he asked me to grab some things from your place, the day…you know,” she finally looked up at me, shame in her eyes. “And I had this really smart, tech-savvy ex-boyfriend that helped me get in. I couldn’t believe how easy it was. And I couldn’t believe that I was doing it. But Jack told me that he was going to convince you that you were in love with him, that you just couldn’t see it yet. I was afraid to ask him how he was going to do that…but I had to. And that’s when he told me he was doing it in an ‘unconventional’ way. He was ‘holding’ you at his flat until you could see it. I begged him not to,” she explained quietly, a tear falling from her eye. “But he wouldn’t listen to me. He was already set on his plan. And he had already done it. I felt helpless – I didn’t want him to hurt you, and I didn’t want him to go to jail. I knew he just wasn’t entirely right in his mind,” she shook her head at herself.

I couldn’t believe the detail she was going into with me. And I was right: she didn’t have a choice. She was conflicted, just as I was. Except that this was her brother, her blood, a bond I would never understand between siblings – perhaps the closet thing I had to it was with Emily. And I knew the feeling of love between us – Jessica and Jack’s was the very same. She felt a sense of loyalty and a need to protect him at all costs.

“I understand why you did it, Jessica,” I finally said, consoling yet another Maynor, despite what they had done to me.

She shook her head at me , looking skeptical. “Do you?”

I did. I wanted to protect him too. And I wanted to protect Michael, and Emily, and Billie and my family. I was going to do whatever it took to protect all of them.

“Yes,” I nodded.

Jessica looked down at her hands and then back at me. “He really hasn’t hurt you?” she asked wearily, looking like she was expecting the worst.

I didn’t know whether to be honest or not. But I figured, since she was being honest with me…

“Consensually, hehashurt me. A few times though, hehashit me,” I nodded. “Once I don’t really remember. I was drunk. But apparently I asked him to,” I said flatly, the shock of it now lost on me.

Jessica closed her eyes quickly, all color from her face draining.

“I’m so sorry,” she shook her head. “I didn’t think…he just…he loves you so much. I don’t understand.”

I shrugged. “I don’t understand either. But he’s not always like that. That’s only been a few times during the past six weeks. The rest of the time he’s been…amazing and sweet and kind,” I shook my head at myself, almost laughing. “I never thought I’d be one of those women defending their abusive lover. But here I am. It’s why I didn’t run to the police yesterday. I could have…but I didn’t. And it’s because I love him too much,” I blurted out.

I could almost see the relief wash through Jessica’s face. Before, she wasn’t sure if I actually did love him or not. But now it was confirmed that I did. Was it all worth it now? Because I loved him back, did this justify everything she did to me?

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