Page 2 of Die For Me

Fuck, concentrate!I caught myself daydreaming and fantasizing as I stood at the door of my loft. The loft had given me such precious memories; it’s where I made Hana mine. I don’t know how I got away with it, but I did. I had made Hana realize that she loved me, that she needed to be mine as much as she needed to breathe. And now she was mine forever.

* * *

I texted Hana while on the train, letting her know I was onthe way home. The edges of my lips lifted when I saw the little bubbles pop up immediately, alerting me she was responding. I knew she was deeply in love with me and as codependent as I was. I couldn’t believe she didn’t run off to the police when she had first left me. That’s how I knew she was really in love with me. It was so easy to lure her back; she knew she needed me. She knew she didn’t belong with Michael. She belonged to me. It was obvious that I was obsessed with her, and she liked that. I would do anything it took to make her happy, including making sure she would never leave me again. She would never be happy with anyone else, especially that twit Michael. I did her a favor by cutting her off from that boring, mundane life. She didn’t even really ask to see Emily or Billie, not that I would let her, not without me.

Once she was mine again, she never took her hands off me. I knew how fucking wet I made her—I could tell by the way she looked at me when we “accidentally” bumped into that coffee shop twelve weeks ago, the day before I brought her to the loft. I could tell by the way her cheeks reddened when she looked at my toned arms—which I had worked really hard for, just for her—and by the way she bit her lip every time she looked longingly at my lips. It was so fucking obvious that everything I had been planning was the right thing to do.

I smiled down at my phone while reading her text:I can’t wait to see you. I’ve missed you all day.

I’d missed her as well, even though I had been watching her nearly all day while finishing my work.

Someone called out my name as I exited the train at my stop. I turned around and there was that tenacious fucking cousin. I gave her my best fake smile.

“Emily.”

Emily

Seeing that fucker Jack boiled a blind rage inside of me. I noticed him as we exited the train, his stupid fucking smug smile on his face while he looked down at his phone. I couldn’t believe he had tricked me, and even his best friend, into believing he was some sweet, hopeless, helpless romantic. He was a literal monster in sheep’s clothing.

I had been trying really hard to get back into Hana’s life after she left Michael. However, I knew Jack was controlling her, keeping her to himself and brainwashing her even more than she already was. I had only seen her three times since then. Once by accident when I was on my way to work at a bar in Williamsburg—but we didn’t get to talk much because of Jack, of course, and another time when she and Jack came by the apartment to say happy birthday to Adam. They stayed for five minutes before Jack whisked her away from me again.

I had last seen her at Easter brunch when her parents came into the city and, luckily, they invited me along. Jack was his sociopathic self, being charming and even making Uncle Dan laugh at some stupid joke he made. I sat across from Hana at the table where she sat next to Jack, and she seemed like her normal, happy self. She looked relaxed, she smiled easily and cracked jokes with me like old times. I didn’t know if she was too far gone now. I didn’t know if I could still save her from Jack.

She kept dodging my attempts to hang out with her. She never answered the phone anymore—she only replied by text. I had no idea if I was really texting Hana, or if Jack hijacked our conversations. But now I finally had the chance to stick up to him again like I had all those weeks ago…only this time I wouldn’t fail miserably.

“Jack,” I called out after I stalked him for a few seconds.

He turned around, and his face was blank as he noticed me. Then he plastered on the fakest grin I had ever seen. He stopped, and I walked up to him, feeling brave.

“Emily.” His expression seemed tense as he looked me up and down.

“How’s it goin’?” I asked casually, trying my hardest to sound friendly.

Jack’s eyes widened, seemingly with surprise. “Quite well,” he responded blankly.

I had no idea what I was going to say to him; my previous approach hadn’t worked very well, so I thought maybe I could at leasttryto be nice this time.

“How’s Hana?” I asked curiously. “What brings you around this side of town?”

He looked annoyed. “She’s great. Didn’t she tell you? We’ve moved back to Williamsburg. Just near the waterfront,” he replied, smiling smugly again.

Fuck. I’ve been working literally blocks away from her this whole time?I felt angry not only at Jack, but at Hana. I hated that I felt that way.

“No, she didn’t.” I put on my best fake smile. “But hey—I work just a couple blocks from there, at that bar called The Pit. You guys should come in, drinks on me,” I offered.

Jack paused before responding. “I don’t think Hana’s up for drinking much lately. But I’ll let her know,” he said and then turned around and walked away.

Hana’s not up for drinking? Since when?Sure, she took it easy around family and she had her meds, but…didshe have her meds? Michael mentioned her not taking any of that with her when she vanished the first time.

I hesitated only a few seconds before I decided to follow Jack. If he was on his way home, then I could figure out where they lived. And then maybe I could finally get Hana alone.

Hana

I managed to get rid of any evidence of the three positive pregnancy tests. I didn’t even have time to let it sink in—once I realized Jack was on his way home, I panicked and started to wrap them in toilet paper and stuff them at the bottom of the bathroom trash. I tossed the empty box back behind the bathroom bins and hurriedly shut the cabinet.

And then I started to bawl.

This was not at all how I envisioned my life at almost twenty-six. I was with a man I loved, but I was still scared. He still scared me, even though he was so sweet to me most of the time, because I knew what he was capable of. I didn’t want to have to raise a child with that fear always lingering. And what if it wasn’t Jack’s? How the fuck would that work? How would I even find out?

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