Page 66 of Die For Me

I could hear her clattering around before she opened the door in my borrowed sweats and T-shirt. She came bursting through with her clothes in one hand and her purse in the other.

“Han.” I followed her to the front door. “Please, let’s talk. You can’t leave, it’s fucking 2 a.m.,” I continued.

“Let me make my own fucking crazy decisions, Emily. But don’t you dare fucking judge me anymore.”

The door slammed behind her.

“Fuck!” I turned to Adam. “Call Jack. Make sure he gets her home safe.”

I thought about what I had said.Jackandsafe, two words that didn’t belong together in the same sentence. Yet here I was, knowing that Jack would stop at nothing to make sure she was okay. He would protect her, at least from the outside world. Iknew all of those months ago that it was true. He worshiped the ground she walked on. He was obsessed with her.

And then I realized Hana felt the exact same about him.

Hana

I found myself walking toward the train station, not really sure of my destination. Where was home? I didn’t know Cobble Hill all that well, but I knew the L train would take me where I needed to go.

I felt hopeless and broken. I hardly recognized myself as I watched my reflection in the subway windows as it traveled through the tunnel. Since when did life become so hard? I dreaded every day because I didn’t know what to expect. Before all of this, when I was with Michael, life was predictable. I felt safe and secure. Would I still feel that way if I chose him now? I used to think he was perfect, which was intimidating. I didn’t feel 100% myself around him. But now? My perfect Michael was flawed.Veryflawed. Was that a good thing?

Things were the exact opposite with Jack. We didn’t exactly start our relationship in the most ideal way, but being with him was exhilarating. Even though I knew the darkness in him was easily switched on and off, I felt connected to him. I literally felt a sting in my chest when I thought about being without him.

I didn’t realize I had missed my stop until I heard the automated announcement of the Bedford Ave stop. I mindlessly exited the station and walked toward mine and Billie’s old apartment. The lease didn’t run out until June, so I figured she would still be there. I sent her my portion of rent and bills everymonth, probably way too much. But I never heard a peep from her.

The codes to get in were the same. I walked into the lobby and up the stairs until I reached our apartment. It felt surreal knocking on my own door. I still had a key, but I didn’t want to intrude. I heard some shuffling around before the door opened. It wasn’t Billie—a gorgeous blonde with blue tips answered, smiling at me with wide eyes. She appeared to be in her pajamas, looking right at home.

“Hana?” she asked me with knowing eyes.

I must have looked like a deer in headlights.

She laughed lightly. “Sorry. I’m Billie’s roommate. I’ve seen pictures of you around here.” She turned to look at the apartment then back at me. “Come on in. Billie’s still up. I’m sure she’d love to see you,” she suggested.

I looked around. The place was exactly how I remembered it. Billie and I had decorated it ourselves. I felt a pang of jealousy as Billie’s new roommate sat comfortably on the couch.

“Um, sorry. How exactly did you meet Billie?” I asked, awkwardly standing at the foot of the couch.

She hesitated for a split second, tugging her long sleeves further down to her hands and fiddling with a ring on her right hand.

“We have mutual friends.” She adjusted her body to put her legs up on the couch. “You know, I thought you and Billie weren’t on great terms.” She lifted her eyebrow knowingly.

I crossed my arms. “Billie and I will always be friends,” I argued, not even sure why I felt the need to defend myself. “Excuse me.”

I turned and went directly to Billie’s room, lightly tapping on the door. After a few seconds, she opened the door; I had never seen her look so shocked before.

“Fuck, you were not what I was expecting.” She laughed, widening her eyes.

I froze.Shit, this was a bad idea. But then she quickly wrapped her arms around me and gave me the longest hug; relief flooded through my body, loosening my limbs. I didn’t even realize how tense I was.

She let go of me and kept her hand on my shoulder. “Come on.” She gestured into her room.

I crossed my arms as I entered her room. I instantly felt like I was home as Billie sat on her bed and eyed me while I casually paced her room.

“I’m sorry for barging in so late,” I started. “I just…I didn’t really know where else to go.”

Billie immediately frowned. “What’s going on?”

I sighed as I shook my head. “Where do I even start?” I asked, more to myself than to her, as I looked down at the floor, still pacing nervously.

“Why don’t you sit and relax and start whenever you’re ready,” Billie offered, her tone gentle and caring.

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