Page 67 of Die For Me

I nodded and quickly sat down next to her on the bed.

“Michael and I…and Jack,” I started then began to laugh. “I’m making them share me. But they both hate it and they both fucking hate each other. And I’m so fucking selfish and idiotic for even thinking this could work out.”

Billie was quiet as she took it all in. “So let me get this straight. You’re in a poly relationship with Michael and Jack? Since when?” she asked calmly, no hint of judgment in her voice.

I sighed. “I wouldn’t exactly call it poly. I’m basically forcing them to share me. And you don’t even want to know what Michael did.” I put my face in my hands, the shame and guilt overwhelming me.

“I’m all ears, Han,” she finally responded.

I looked up at her and shook my head. “I can’t drag you into this again, Billie. You don’t deserve to be caught up in this mess. You were right to cut me off before.” I started to cry as Billie watched me with concern and her knowing, caring eyes.

“You don’t need to give me all the dirty details if you don’t want to, Han. But I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you. You are never, ever alone.”

With that, I began to sob, and Billie swiftly took me into her arms and held me, letting me get everything out. There had been so much tension between Jack and Michael, so much worrying that one of them would snap on the other. There was a sense of impending doom that neither of them would be able to take it and just off themselves, each other, or me. I had the sense that they would call my bluff; if one of them took me again, I don’t know if I’d really kill myself. I was almost hoping that one of them would do it anyway so I wouldn’t have to choose anymore.

I needed time to reflect by myself, or at least without them there, but I knew they were both too damn needy and impatient to let me do that. After crying on Billie for what felt like hours, I texted both of them to let them know I was staying with Billie and I would be back the next day. She didn’t poke and prod for answers or information; she quietly lay next to me, stroking my hair until I cried myself to sleep.

* * *

Billie was gone by the time I woke up. She left a note on the nightstand letting me know she was at work and to stay as long as I needed to. I also had several texts from Michael and Jack. They both acknowledged that they wanted to give me space, but they couldn’t stand to have me gone for very long. Jack sent me a picture of himself at our apartment, his big blue doe eyes sad as he held onto my pillow. I smiled and rolled my eyes. And thenI received a text from Michael as I held my phone in my hand:Hana, please give us another try. I’m sorry we were both acting like children. I spoke with Jack and he’s agreed that we should all meet back at the apartment.

I immediately dialed Jack, almost not believing Michael.

“Hello, love,” Jack answered excitedly.

“Hey, babe. Michael said you agreed that we should all meet back at the apartment?”

Jack hesitated for a moment before he spoke. “Yes. I know I feel awful about bickering with him when all you wanted was a nice night. We really need to try harder. For you, love,” he explained, his voice so soft and sweet.

For a split second, I thought maybe things could work after all.

“Come home to me, sweetheart. We can go to Michael’s together.”

I smiled to myself. “Okay.” I nodded, as if he could see me.

“Hurry home. It’s been too long since I’ve been inside of you, my darling wife,” he growled into the phone.

I was instantly wet. “I’ll leave now.”

I put on my shoes and jacket before I opened Billie’s door and found her roommate lounging on the couch, looking up at me intently.

“Good morning,” she said sweetly as she smiled.

Her voice was raspy and gravelly, as if she had been smoking or crying all night. I wasn’t sure if she sounded like that last night, or if I just didn’t notice it because of how distraught I was.

“Hey, good morning.” I smiled back, heading for the front door.

“Um, hey, Hana?” She stood and slowly walked toward me as I stopped and turned around.

“I need to tell you something about Michael.”Wait, what?“My name is Jackie.”

My heart dropped.My hands shook as I clutched my purse, my heart racing wildly in my chest. Jackie…Michael’s ex. The woman that accused him of such horrible things.Why is she here? What is going on?

“You’re…Jackie,” I said knowingly.

It was not lost on me that Jackie probably sought out Billie to get closer to me. The thought of her pretending to know nothing about me made my stomach curl. Maybe she even knewtoo muchnow.

“So you’ve heard of me.” She smiled, stopping in front of me and observing my face.

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