Page 9 of Die For Me

He smiled then spit on my cum-covered belly.

Out of breath, my body fell to the floor and I started to softly cry. The image of Michael’s jealous, angry, heartbroken face played on loop in my mind. Jack began to sing to himself as he started the shower, not a care in the world.

Emily

Now that I had learned where Hana lived, I planned on camping out in front of her apartment building. There were plenty of benches nearby, and I could go incognito if I needed to. And I had a plan: If I saw Jack leave, I would go inside and nicely ask the lobby staff if they could possibly help me surprise my dear cousin because it was her birthday! If that didn’t work, I’d knock on every single fucking door in that thirty-eight story building.

I tried every way possible to avoid Jack before that day. I never went to band practices and I kept my distance at the few shows they had. I only later learned that Hana was at each show, staying far away from the band but keeping close to Jessica. Jessica, that evil fucking bitch that helped her evil fucking brother capture Hana. How could Hana even stand to be near her when she did all of that to her?

The band had gotten signed to a major label, changed their band name to Chaos Catalyst, and Jack and Adam were planning on touring once their album was released in the summer. I hadn’t planned on going with them, only because I didn’t think Hana would be allowed to see me. But I was starting to have second thoughts. Maybe I would be able to get to her somehow. But it would be even better if I got to speak to her alone before then.

My alarm I had set when I lay down in bed at 4 a.m. woke me up at 7. I would happily skip sleep to free my cousin of the hell hole she was living in.

I quickly got ready, told Adam I needed to go to an appointment, and then I was on my way to Williamsburg. I wasn’t very far away—I was living with Adam in Cobble Hill, only about a 15 minute train ride from where Hana lived. By 8:15, I was propped on a bench near the waterfront, pretending to read but actually surveying every face that walked out of Hana’s apartment building. Hopefully there was only one exit to that building.Maybe I should have planned better.

By 9:30, the lack of sleep had caught up with me, and the sunny fifty-degree weather had me cozy and warm as I bundled up in my jacket. But then I spotted them. Jack had walked out first, in his usual stupid all black ensemble and black boots, trying to look like a badass but in reality he was just bad.A bad asshole.I snorted to myself.He held the door open for Hana; she smiled at him, but she looked tired. She had no makeup on and wore black leggings with black Nikes, her body covered in a long, black puff jacket. She quickly put on her sunglasses, and they headed north as they walked hand in hand.

I rolled my eyes as I got up and started following; I knew I needed to keep my distance, so I stayed about 20 feet behind them in between dozens of other people walking the streets of Williamsburg. I realized they were headed into the subway and panicked a little—would I lose them on the train ride? I scanned my Metro pass and followed them to wait for the L train. Hana and Jack didn’t speak at all—Jack only looked down at his phone while Hana stared at the ground, seemingly in deep thought. Once the train arrived, I eyed them as they got on first and went to the corner of the train. I got on the other side, keeping my back to them. They only stayed on for one stop before exiting the train toward south Williamsburg. They headed west, past thepolice station and fire department, past random businesses and brownstones, and then they finally stopped and went inside an unmarked business. I stopped and googled what the hell it was, and bile started to rise in my throat when I realized they were in a fucking OB-GYN office. This could mean anything, but I immediately thought the worst.

Hana is fucking pregnant.

Hana

I tossed and turned in bed that night. Jack had told me he would edit the video of us and then send it to Michael the next day. I glanced over at him watching it on his MacBook, his erection growing as he watched us having sex on the screen. He side-eyed me with his dimples slowly emerging, igniting a mixture of guilt and arousal in my belly; that was a common feeling I had the last twelve weeks. I enjoyed myself with Jack, I enjoyed our life, our banter, our creativity allowing us to paint and write together all day and then fuck each other all night long. I usually forgot about how we had gotten to that point, and then the guilt would start to weigh in again. I felt guilt for staying, for not running that first time with Billie before things got really fucking complicated. Now I knew I was stuck forever, and I knew this because I didn’t want to live without him. I needed him as much as he needed me—we were so codependent on each other. And I didn’twantto leave him. I loved him despite everything he had done. How fucked up was that? How was I ever supposed to live a normal life again after this? I wasn’t. My life was always going to be with Jack, and he was far from normal.

Jack somehow got an appointment for us at 10 a.m. the next morning at an OB-GYN office in south Williamsburg. I was terrified and could hardly speak or think as we took the train and walked toward the office. I knew that if this baby was Jack’s, I was going to have to keep it. If it was Michael’s…I don’t knowhow I would feel. Jack wouldn’t allow me to keep it. Why have an opinion on it when I didn’t even have a choice in the matter?

We walked into a small office where a couple of other women sat. Jack signed us in and started to fill out paperwork—he knew everything about me, about my health and height and weight and even my last period.Wait, how the hell did he know that?

“My last period was February 23? How do you know that?” I questioned quietly as he checked off that I didn’t take any medication.

Jack looked over at me with widened eyes. “That was the night of our wedding party.”

My stomach dropped before he continued.

“I won’t ever forget a single detail from that night, sweetheart.”

His voice was low and deep. Even talking about the night that he had hurt me likethat, the way he called me sweetheart gave me butterflies.

“Oh.” I nodded, biting my lip.

“Sign here.”

He held the last piece of paperwork to me; I sloppily signed my new name.Hana Maynor. I didn’t have a lot of experience doing it and it still felt odd writing a new last name. Not even a minute later, a nurse opened the door and looked down at a clipboard.

“Hana Maynor,” she called out, looking between me and the two other women.

I quickly stood and reached for Jack’s hand. I let Jack lead the way as we followed the nurse down a hall and into a patient room. It looked like a typical OB-GYN room with stirrups at the end of the patient bed that had a doppler and wand attached to one side. The nurse quickly took my vitals: everything was normal. She was very straightforward and not really friendly, which only made me more nervous.

“So you’re here to confirm a pregnancy, is that right?” she asked me, looking down at my paperwork.

“Yes.” I nodded, wringing my hands together as I sat on the patient bed.

“Okay. The doctor will be with you shortly.” She smiled quickly then left the room.

I looked over at Jack and sighed; I was shaking as I continued to wring my hands together, feeling sick to my stomach.Great, am I going to have morning sickness? Or is this just my anxiety going through the roof?

“It’s going to be okay, sweetheart.” Jack walked over to me and put his hand atop mine. His voice was so soothing and calming.

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